Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have not posted on here in a long time , it's been 5 years since I found out about my husband and his coworker, we've long since reconciled and we have really worked hard on it putting our lives and marriage back together.
During my husbands infidelity my best friend(not with my husband) at the same time was interfering in another friends marriage, I mean by interfering I mean breaking it up, they were both married. The question that has bugged me to no end is our difference in opinions , my friend and I on the" other woman." Or what blame should be placed on the other woman or should any blame be placed on her at all.
My feeling is the other woman is just as much to blame as my husband ,but those are my feelings ,I don't know maybe I am biased because I was hurt by my husbands cheating and I felt she knowingly tore my family apart, just as much as he did
Now my friend see's it differently she feels if he or the husband was happily married he would not of cheated or she the other woman would of been able to interfere, I got so tired of hearing that, not just from her but from other women I knew busted up a marriage, my response to that was 'Well you could say that ,but I feel at the same time if you knew he was married why would you even try ?" .
She does not feel she is a homewrecker or the other woman, my friend. Her spin on her role in the demise of his marriage ,and this is what she told me , "I told him how I felt, how he gets out of his marriage is of no consequence to me." But she lied to her husband for months told her husband she was talking /texting me sitting right beside him while she was talking to the other guy, I felt if you felt you didn't do anything wrong why did you lie for months and hide, and the only reason anyone found out was because his wife found out and all hell broke loose.
My friend would say things like 'Why are you angry at her, your husbands the one who cheated on you she didn't" "We've butted heads over it ,she feels shes done nothing wrong but yet she's left a trail of destruction in her wake ,she used me as an excuse, lied to everyone around her, caused her children and his children to go into therapy their all still very young ,because they can't deal with why their parents are no longer together,she's horrible to her step son, he 8. How can she sit back and state that she done no harm? She's hurt everyone around her, but her therapists tells her as long as she' happy that's all that matters and that we'll all "get over it "
, I know how I felt ,I felt angry and wanted her head on a pike, because she was not only wrecking my marriage she was also taunting me ,thinking it was funny, and my friend fell in to this pattern, she started battering and harassing the wife,
my question is , is the other woman other man just as much to blame as the cheating spouse or should they be exempt from any of the fall out or anger, I mean I've had yelling matches with women I knew who were the other woman , about taking some responsibility for their actions, I called my homewrecker out, called her husband told him and then she accused me of wrecking her life, and my friend asked me why I called her husband why I just didn't walk away from my husband when I found out,
Sorry if I am rambling, this has been bugging me for years ,should the ow/om be just as much to blame as the cs? Just would like to hear responses maybe I could set my mind to ease someone could have an explanation that make sense to me or something.
During my husbands infidelity my best friend(not with my husband) at the same time was interfering in another friends marriage, I mean by interfering I mean breaking it up, they were both married. The question that has bugged me to no end is our difference in opinions , my friend and I on the" other woman." Or what blame should be placed on the other woman or should any blame be placed on her at all.
My feeling is the other woman is just as much to blame as my husband ,but those are my feelings ,I don't know maybe I am biased because I was hurt by my husbands cheating and I felt she knowingly tore my family apart, just as much as he did
Now my friend see's it differently she feels if he or the husband was happily married he would not of cheated or she the other woman would of been able to interfere, I got so tired of hearing that, not just from her but from other women I knew busted up a marriage, my response to that was 'Well you could say that ,but I feel at the same time if you knew he was married why would you even try ?" .
She does not feel she is a homewrecker or the other woman, my friend. Her spin on her role in the demise of his marriage ,and this is what she told me , "I told him how I felt, how he gets out of his marriage is of no consequence to me." But she lied to her husband for months told her husband she was talking /texting me sitting right beside him while she was talking to the other guy, I felt if you felt you didn't do anything wrong why did you lie for months and hide, and the only reason anyone found out was because his wife found out and all hell broke loose.
My friend would say things like 'Why are you angry at her, your husbands the one who cheated on you she didn't" "We've butted heads over it ,she feels shes done nothing wrong but yet she's left a trail of destruction in her wake ,she used me as an excuse, lied to everyone around her, caused her children and his children to go into therapy their all still very young ,because they can't deal with why their parents are no longer together,she's horrible to her step son, he 8. How can she sit back and state that she done no harm? She's hurt everyone around her, but her therapists tells her as long as she' happy that's all that matters and that we'll all "get over it "
, I know how I felt ,I felt angry and wanted her head on a pike, because she was not only wrecking my marriage she was also taunting me ,thinking it was funny, and my friend fell in to this pattern, she started battering and harassing the wife,
my question is , is the other woman other man just as much to blame as the cheating spouse or should they be exempt from any of the fall out or anger, I mean I've had yelling matches with women I knew who were the other woman , about taking some responsibility for their actions, I called my homewrecker out, called her husband told him and then she accused me of wrecking her life, and my friend asked me why I called her husband why I just didn't walk away from my husband when I found out,
Sorry if I am rambling, this has been bugging me for years ,should the ow/om be just as much to blame as the cs? Just would like to hear responses maybe I could set my mind to ease someone could have an explanation that make sense to me or something.
The OW who sets out to break up a marriage is, in my opinion, even worse. She has an agenda, does not care who she hurts: her spouse, the other spouse, children.
My cheating H said his affair had nothing to do with me. He thought I would never find out. The OW had her own plan. She was trying to break up our marriage. She miscalculated though.
These women are the scum of the earth, in my opinion. And, you are right, why go after a married man?
They justify their actions over and over. They do not want to accept responsibility for their actions. They show no remorse. What does that sound like?
I hope you have put this woman in your past. She's evil.
Here's a similar situation you can pose to them- what if someone who wants to buy drugs finds a drug dealer? Who is to blame?
The OPs are thieves. They take what's not theirs. They tear apart families. There's a reason why it's one of only TEN commandments God gave Moses. (Not to get religious, but...) Think about it- Don't lie. Don't steal. Don't covet. Affairs involve 3/10. Were it not for the OP, the horndog spouse would go back to his/her home and work it out, right?
Any woman who's willing to be with a married man does so b/c she's not capable of having a real relationship with a real, available man. Simple. She's broken. Of course she's not going to claim responsibility.
Here's an analogy, not sure it's the best one..
A couple has detailed plans to murder someone, but only one person pulls the trigger. Is it safe to say that the person that didnt pull the trigger did no wrong? Nope, not in my book. She is equally responsible for her choices & actions as is my H for his.
So tired of generalizations.
having had to deal with very different types of OW I think the degree of blame varies between them, as for their intentions and thus potential damaging effect on my marriage. There is one I despise but pity her. There is one i despise but in a way am grateful to her as her greed (to get my husband) and stupidity allowed for DDay and making my marriage so much better. I actually almost sent her flowers. And
there is also one whom I hate with all my heart because she was truly viciously predatory and was set to destroy my marriage slowly but surely, without my husband ever noticing what was going on. He always made it very clear he would never leave me, never claimed he loved her, and she kept agreeing to EVERYTHING, telling him how much she loves the arrangement they have, that she is completely satisfied with what he was giving her, claiming that all she wanted was to make him happy. I saw the emails. Made me sick. And this was coming from a woman whose childhood home and family were destroyed by her father leaving her mother ( and her and her sister) for another woman. She was happy to be his mistress and called herself such. She introduced him to her friends!!!!! Who knew he was married!!!! That made even him uncomfortable. I guess I can better understand a woman who wants my husband as her husband. She is definitely to blame, but she is competing with me. The vicious predator was trying to rot my marriage like a tree - from the inside. Without anybody noticing, until it would be totally rotten and collapse dramatically to everybody's surprise. A wedge splitting us a tiny bit at a time. Falling likely once the children would be out to college, my husband would suddenly realize that after 20 years he has more in common with her than with me (never tough stuff to share, only light and lovely) leave me at the brink of retirement alone and with slimmer chance of ever having another relationship and broken way more than I was now. Phew.
I guess I would also be more understanding to a woman who would fall in love or fall for the lies. But overall - yes, guilty. No doubt.
She said she would get mad at him but needed the shoulder to cry on and was starting to like the attention she felt she wasn't getting at home. she said she finally told him that his advances were inappropriate and she couldn't do these lunches anymore and that's when he took her by the hand and said they couldn't stop because he thought he was in love with her. Shortly after that she started thinking she loved him too, but said she never had any romantic feelings for him before that point. After that things got physical.
I know my wife is to blame for letting it happen, but I can't help thinking he took advantage of our situation and of her emotional state. I'll never really know, but she's told me so much that has hurt so bad so it's hard to believe she'd lie about this part....