Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Snooping

deleted_user
deleted_user
I know snooping is wrong, but I had a gut feeling and did some digging. I wish I hadn't. I didn't like what I found. Let me tell you this is not the first time I have found something I don't like and snooping is not a daily thing but it has become more frequent since I found my first find. So I am not married yet, I am engaged to be married in November. I have been with my Fiance for 6 years now. I have cuaght him in so many little white lies that I start wondering what bigger things is he lying to me about. These lies usually involve him NOT communicating with people, only for me to find communication with these women. He says he forgot about it. Can someone really forget that frequently. They were all innocent until today. Today I found one from him telling a woman she was beautiful. The woman responded his wife "me" was beautiful as well. He responded to her I was not his wife only his "GIRLFRIEND" like that in all caps. The next e-mail i found was from another woman asking him to go on a cruise just 8 months ago. We have been engaged for a year now. Why would a woman be asking an engaged man to go on a cruise with her. He gets angry with me and refuses to provide answers. Should I leave or try to work through his lying issues. He tells me i am the only on and he just wants to be my husband. I have given him every opportunity to leave and he won't. I am so confused and hurt.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Honestly, if you are not married and he is already doing this, I think it will only get worse. Do yourself a favor and save yourself the misery. It would be easier to end it now than to wait around till you have several kids and he has still not changed.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am really bad about making excuses. Excuse number 1. I was experiencing "woman" problems for one yea and was physically unavailable, 2. I have not found any hard evidence of an actual affair. 3. The e-mails I found had no replies to them but he could have texted them or called them to repond. Also the e-mails being as old as they are give me another excuse that he is not doing it anymore. We are not having any kids. I guess after 6 years of feeling head over heels and suddenly having my world come crashing down I just look for any excuse to stay when I know I should leave.
3GuysMom
3GuysMom
Does it really matter that the ones you found had no response. Why is he trolling for women if he's in a committed relationship and about to be married. This is a serious red flag. Can you confidently enter into a marriage with him? At the very least, I would postpone until I had concrete evidence either way. Huge hugs to you!!!!!!!
lisalisa72
lisalisa72
First of all, I don't think snooping is wrong - especially if there has been evidence in the past that all is not well. I'm fine with my H looking through my phone records and e-mails and I expect to be able to do the same with his. I discovered my H's EA in the early stages because I looked though his phone not expecting to find anything ... but I did. If you are living an honest, transparent life then you should be ok with being audited occasionally.


Secondly, if you are having this much trouble before marriage then it's a sign that this relationship is not to be. You're being given a big sign telling you to turn around and run - please heed the warning!

It really sucks to go through this, but it's even worse once you're married.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think a question you have to ask yourself is Do you want to live a life of snooping? Most of us here only do it now because we have too. Because our spouses cheated on us while we were married. If I had found out about my husband before we were married, no I wouldn't of married him and started our life together with no trust. Sorry.
deleted_user
deleted_user
snooping or not, clearly he had lied before (small lie or not, still a lie) and you obviously had a reason to snoop. Sounds to me like he isn't completely committed to you and whether or not he's done anything physical, he has certainly left the door open for that. IMO.

I guess you found this out at a good time, because now you can decide whether or not you can trust this man before you enter into a more serious commitment with him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hell to the "no"! You have far more information than you need! This isn't red flags, this is neon orange and neon green blinking lights!

Orange signifying danger, and caution, and the green light signaling run like hell, and get out of this, now, whileyou can! This is not love, this is trying to get away with his cake and eat it too!
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is hard because looking back I was in a similar situation but yet I denied all the evidence. I will say that once we married I was always fearful he would cheat but I convinced myself I was crazy. Here I am 4 affairs later. Sweet.

My husband told me a whole heap of lies. He told everyone he was a Navy Seal!!! He worked with special forces...he was not one of them. The best man at our wedding even asked why everyone thought he was a seal. Lol. I had no idea but I had my suspicions.

Here I am 6 years later and I regret over looking his issues.

I believe you will do what you want cause it is hard to give up your dream of being married to this guy. Here are some lessons I have learned:

Finish college and have a career!!!! Please do this for you! I am trapped because I need time to get my education.

Get help through counceling now!!! If his upbringing was less than perfect then he probably needs help.

Snoop and explain to him that helps reassure you. If you are finding stuff like that then he deserves to not have privacy.

Have you thought about holding off the wedding? Oh and he does remember the details. He is just avoiding conflict. Is he understanding of your insecurities? Is he becoming an open book for you?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ugh, the last thing I was going to do was be my EX's warden. I was not going to monitor passwords, texts, etc because, the last time I checked, he had a mama and it wasn't me.
Now, you have the info. He's lying, talking to other women, acting single...so, what is there to say? You're either accepting this disrespect or cutting him loose.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The way he is treating you now is just a preview of how he will act when you two are married. I know it hurts- but he is lying and cheating now. I don't see that changing because he isn't making an effort to change, taking responsibility, or being open and upfront about his behavior. LEAVE NOW!
pinkpony66
pinkpony66
If you can live your life with him as it is then go for it. but if being lied to and knowing he basicaly denies who your are (girlfriend not fiance) then you can live with being just his friend not his wife when the need strikes him. As long as he does not own his actins and make real efforts to make the changes, HE WONT CHANGE. so if you can live the rest of your life as you do now, if this is what you want in your furture it is pretty much written in stone.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was going to write what Tiff wrote. My story is similar to hers. Enough said.
KRKing911
KRKing911
Get out now. Run away as fast as you can. You do not want to marry this man. He's a cheat and a liar. I'm so sorry for you. I know it hurts - you love him, of course it's going to hurt. But I can't tell you enough - get out - he will destroy you.
animeta
animeta
What did you do?