Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I feel like I'm sliding backwards. Today, was terrible. I felt a panic attact coming on while I was at work. It was hard, but tried to concentrate on the things going on around me. All of the anger seems to be coming back full force! This thing still amazes me as far as moods and emotions. Friday and Saturday were pretty good days, then it was all down hill.
I have found that my happiness is so fragile. That if even one little thing goes wrong. it is the same as a disaster. I am then depressed and would rather not talk very much. It is like this "thing" is always there lurking in the shadows ready to come out at any given moment. And I feel it will never go away.
I am still doing all of the work as far as I'm concerned. My H does do dishes now and tells me he loves me everyday. But is that really enough? He never brings the situation up and I wish he would when he can sense that I need to talk. It always has to be me. And the last time he basically just listened while I talked. He added very little. Like this is something he has to put up with every once in awhile til I'm over this. No he never said that but that is how I view it.
So what are my options? Thinking of life without him is terrifying! But is this what it's going to be like forever? I do not forgive him and don't know of if I ever will. It's times like these I really feel like he has ruined my life, but I still love him. Although, I don't feel like saying it to him most of the time but do it anyway so his feelings won't be hurt.
Such a sad situation when you feel there will never be an end. How do you know if you are one of the ones that can't get past something like this?
I have found that my happiness is so fragile. That if even one little thing goes wrong. it is the same as a disaster. I am then depressed and would rather not talk very much. It is like this "thing" is always there lurking in the shadows ready to come out at any given moment. And I feel it will never go away.
I am still doing all of the work as far as I'm concerned. My H does do dishes now and tells me he loves me everyday. But is that really enough? He never brings the situation up and I wish he would when he can sense that I need to talk. It always has to be me. And the last time he basically just listened while I talked. He added very little. Like this is something he has to put up with every once in awhile til I'm over this. No he never said that but that is how I view it.
So what are my options? Thinking of life without him is terrifying! But is this what it's going to be like forever? I do not forgive him and don't know of if I ever will. It's times like these I really feel like he has ruined my life, but I still love him. Although, I don't feel like saying it to him most of the time but do it anyway so his feelings won't be hurt.
Such a sad situation when you feel there will never be an end. How do you know if you are one of the ones that can't get past something like this?
Time and time again, I have told him not to ignore me when he senses that I'm struggling. That was his way of handling my pain, ignore it and hope it goes away. He also felt that I was holding onto my pain to punish him. He FINALLY understands that all I need is a little acknowledgement.
Last night, for instance, this sounds silly, but the Superbowl triggered me. My H and son are huge Steelers fans. They were talking about the last 2 Steelers SB wins. One was 2008 and the other was 2006-during the affair. My mind started combing details again. I didn't say anything because everything has been discussed to death. I decided I was going to start practicing redirecting my thoughts. Anyway, he did sense something was wrong. He very tenderly and lovingly asked, "I can tell something is wrong. Would you like to talk about it?" Once he acknowledged my pain in such a simple way, I felt so much better. I told him that I no longer need to discuss every obsessive thought I have but that I really appreciated the acknowledgement. That is progress!
Just tell your H that you need an acknowledgement of your pain even if he doesn't want to revisit things. That is the consequence of his actions. If you're in therapy, this is definitely something you want to bring up for discussion. Our therapist has helped my H understand my need for acknowledgement and it makes all the difference in healing.
Just remember, there is no time table. You'll do well for a while, then have a setback. It's normal. Just keep communicating with your H. Don't hold anything in because you think you should be passed this already. Like I always say, however long it takes is however long it takes! God bless!
Are you both going to counseling? That has helped us both a LOT. He has got to figure out what caused this to begin with. He can't blame it on you and say you didn't do this or that. It was his choice completely so he needs to figure out what is missing inside of himself and fix it. If he doesn't, then you'll be right back here again in the future. That is SO important. You also need to decide what YOU want from this relationship. Once you figure it out then tell him. Tell him what you need to be happy. Then tell him you expect him to act on that. He will never do everything right, but the more effort he puts in the happier I think you'll be.
I still struggle with wanting to beat my husband silly somedays. But, I know I love him and we have a son that needs both his parents and that's the only reason I'm staying to work on this. But, he has got to work hard on being the husband that I need him to be. Don't worry about forgiveness right now. That is still a long way off. Hopefully, it will come one day. I worry like you that it may never come. But, just live your life so you have no regrets. If you leave now, will you regret it later? If he does this again, then you will regret trying again, but you will be able to leave knowing you gave your all and he wasn't strong enough.
The same thoughts, and especially the fragile happiness will be a part of your life for a long while, we all deal with things differently. I would say it took me about a full year before these, "the world is ending because I have a flat tire and can't deal!" kind of mood swings finally stopped. It got better sooner than that for the most part, but I still had days like that for the full year, maybe even a little beyond.
Although I didn't have my hubby to show remorse or try to do the right things to help me heal, I also never had to worry about if he would cheat again in the future, so it's a trade-off I guess. I guess one thing that has really helped in putting things into perspective re the little things seeming like disasters, is I finally realized that I survived. He brought the worst, and I still survived, and now, after this length of time, I can even say I am thriving! Being alone IS terrifying sometimes, but you have the strength if that's what you should choose. It may be the end of the world AS YOU KNOW IT NOW but it's not the end of the world!