Totally insensitive of him. Given that you were willing to forgive and try to move past the affair the very least he can do is avoid going to bars. There is absolutely no need for him to be there

It sounds like your husband is a very selfish person. You should be your husbands priority, not his single friend. A bar is no place for a married person should be, unless their H or W is sitting next to them. Given his former track record you would think he would understand that. And if I had a friend that didn't like my spouse he would no longer be my friend but just acquaintance. Never make someone a priority, when they make you an option. And it sounds like your the option. Good luck!
Prayers to you!

yes i agree SELFISH! You should be at the bar with him or he can bring his friends over to watch the game. Bars are NO good for married men. WHen you get married you give up certain things to have a family life-sounds like he is not willing to grow up and face the responsibiites of being a husband. Can relate my dear-lay down the law!

btw, I am a recovering alcholic who has seen my fair share of married men in bars.....99% of them are looking for sex, or are open to it if the opportunity arises. Married men in bars with single friends without their wives are always obviously looking for action.

I have alwasy thought that about bars , everyone aroundme thought I was nuts for thinking that, they are trouble, and the one bar I walk into what is the first thing I see, my H and his friend and two women sitting at a table talking , My friend dubbed bars meat markets. I know what happens there, two of my friends were bartenders, they ended up quitting 1, the pay was not that great 2 they got tired of watching people they knew were married, screwing around , and felt guilty because soem of them were the husbands of friends. or people they knew, or wives. There is plaque in one of my friends kitchen that reads ,"Why is it when men drink they see double and feel single ?" Though after the confrontation at the last bar wich I am banned from, no big deal I never go to them anyway , I told him 'Duh you cheated on me wiht a woman in a bar ," He said he never made the connection, see with my H , its strange because he says he never thinks about that night ,wiht the ow ,its over he doesent think about none of it ,he was there having a drink with his friend, they came over and started talking ,and when he saw me , he didnt know what to say because he knew the look on my face , thats what I dont get how can he not think about what he has done and wonder why I get so ticked off when he went to bars ,he has not been in almost 4 weeks but how long is it going to last his friend calls constantly. I would be so eaten up with guilt if I was the one who cheated I would be kissing the ground he walked on ,I have never liked bars ,I would go to the bigger ones in Michigan that rock bands played at but my h and a ton of friends would always be there but to go on my own with a friend I never saw the need, on the flip side ,while we were seperated I ran inot my exboyfriend who I had not seen in 15 years in a grocery store , we said hi , and went out to dinner twice, it never went further then that ,he just came out of a bitter divorce his wife left him for someone she met on line, and put him through hell, he just wanted someone to talk to ,we talked about things that were going on in our life,it was nice to talk to someone who knew what i was going through , someone who understood me ,My H can't move past it , I siad he was there when I needed a friend 'My h said '"I dont think ex boyfriends count as friends, you had feeling for him once 'I said yeah when I was 17... I ran into him at Krogers it didnt seek him out .I think in his mind he thinks me talking to him was worse then what he did because I had feelings for this guy forever and a day ago. Him picking up stranger in bar doesent matter because it didnt mean anything ,I dont know I guess cheaters have thier own rules?

Are you talking about my H? This is my number one point of contention with my H right now. All of his friends at his job are single. And he is always getting asked to "go out" on the weekends or to take weekend trips to Las Vegas or elsewhere by the single friends. He is committed to working through this and past this, at least this week, but too many times he tells me that this high social life is who is now and I have to deal with it. I have told him alone and in front of our therapist that I will not tolerate my H hanging out with singles and therefore acting like he is single. It is so stupid. We shall see how my H's commitment to changing this is, but until he quits his job and gets out of that environment, I don't see it getting much better. I am supposed to have a positive attitude say the therapists. We'll see what happens Friday night.

In the meantime I agree 100% with everyone else. It is a selfish behavior and married men do not have any business hanging out in bars constantly. I never used to care if my H went out once a month for a beer with the guys or to watch a sporting event. That was because he always came home by 10. I only had the problem when he started disappearing and having sex with another woman. And they wonder why we don't like it. DUH!

My H had a single friend who was 40 and still living at home with his mother. He is the one my H would go on "cheating" weekends with. They took a trip to Florida together where I suspected my H of cheating. I asked his friend directly if my H had cheated on me in Florida, and he lied and said no. Then my H confessed to cheating in Florida. Guess who's no longer welcome in my home or anywhere near me. His stupid, lame, lying, still sittin' his ass on his mama's couch, whore loving friend. I didn't leave it up to my H to tell him he was no longer welcome. I called him up myself and said, "You are a threat to my family and I want you to stay away from me and my kids." I haven't seen him for over a year, nor does my H go out with him anymore.

So, yeah, I understand the dilemma you're in. And if your husband doesn't understand and refuses to stay out of bars, it may be time to move on. I'm sorry to say.

Get your girls together and start going out on weekends. THE single ones! i'd be damned that I'd sit in the house waiting for his ass. I'd be out. Living.

Oh don't be mistaken, the friends don't have to be single. One thing that made it so easy for my H to step into his affair was the fact that at least 3 of his married friends were doing the same thing. One out of town pig, gave my H and his whore a place to go, another would bring his whore and they would all go out together, and the third told my husband that you just have to do what makes you feel good.

It is less about whether or not they are single or married, but more about their character or what their mental state is.

If there is one thing that I have learned from all of this it is how stupid I was for trusting my H to go to bars without me. We had an agreement that he could go out with friends and I could do the same. Unfortunately for me, he was fucking around and I was simply going out for dinner/ drinks with the girls. There will be NO MORE bars for him any time soon. The good thing is that he understands this. He had my trust and he's had his fun and he ruined it for himself. If your H was unfaithful to you and wants to work this out, he should be willing to give up the bar/nightclub scene.

I understand what you are going through and I keep waiting for the time when the excitement of the bars will die. Eight years later, I am still waiting. My husband claims that he just goes to the bars to play pool or hang out with his friends but he always seems to run into a "girl" friend. The latest is that he started running with a girl in the mornings and they were secretly exchanging emails about their running dates. He claimed that he was just looking for someone to run with and she was married and had 4 kids. Well, I was out of town last weekend and he happened to run into her in a bar. I don't want to start going to the bars and check up because I have a daughter who I refuse to leave at home in the evenings so I can go to the bars. I really hate the bars and the problems that they have caused in our marriage. I am tired of fighting about the bars and about his supposed "girl" friends that he sees in these bars. Is it ever going to end?

His friend is so transparent ,he doesen't even try to hide the fact that he doesnt like me ,now I gave him a reason ,I stormed into the last bar ,wich wsa almost 6 weeks ago ,after I confronted my H , he made a comment about don't worry she wont be allowed back in here after this , I threw a chair across the room at him, my h had a few choice words for him when he said that he's right I am banned but my H has not seen his friend in almost 2 months, I think it was the voice mail he left my H , "I see who wears the pants in your family ' He didnt know what we were going through , about the cheating and that infuriated my H , he played the voicemail back for me ,It wasnt a matter of winning or losing or who got the best of who,it was my H is finally showing the respect and compassion that I deserve and admitted to me that , gee maybe you wer eright about Dave .Its just a matter of time before he starts to call again ,sometimes I just dread the weekends. I have found that if start making plans before they get here , we do other things, I just hate bars , I ve always had trouble with bars, I walked into one years ago with my brother to shoot a game of pool , I was not even in there 6 minutes and some woman threw beer in my face and accused me of checking out her husband, I had not even taken my coat off ,I had no idea where she came from ,they are nothing but trouble. I tell you.

I guess that you have guts to go into the bar and start throwing things. Maybe you got your point across. My husband has a single friend who is always his partner in crime and they think that they are the "shit" around town. The truth is that people laugh at them for sitting on that same bar stool that they were on 10 years ago and the women who may approach them in the bars are just as pathetic. It just eats at me that I get so mad. I waited until later in my life to have my family and I didn't think that I would still have to compete with the bars and all of the crap that goes along with them. I hope that your husband really stops the craziness and realizes who his true friends really are and they are not the ones who will go to the bar with him.

You could try offering him something better,a nice candle lit dinner,a sexy outfit worn by you,if he still is not interested then grab a girlfriend and go to bars,make sure you "drop in"on your h and his friend at their bar,flirt with him and entice him home with an offer he can't refuse.

I agree with you I thought we were past all that crap too, Im not normally an agressive person, infact my brothers says that I am to easy going . It's just that for so long I had felt invisible ,I think that night in the bar it had been a long time coming ,he was never a bar person in the lst year or so is when he started the whole bar thing, I dont understand the whole bar thing , loud crappy music, smokey , obnoxious people who are either looking for a fight or to hook up ,I would rather go home or hang out a friends house listen to good music and have a good time , Trust me the bars around where I live , are dives , disgusting..... , not like the nice clean ones you see in tv, they are Pits ,filthy , they always smell like stale beer and ciggerettes , run down , and the lights are always really low ,and the women who hang out there , that's why the light are set low , I guess yo have to be wearing beer goggles. I live 35 minutes away from Flint , Michigan put it this way it would be cleaner to go pee behind a dumpster then use the restrooms . :P , Im glad im not the only who wishes all the bars would just close down and go away , I dont get the appeal?