When I sit and really think about everything that happened, I lose it and want to run run away. So, yes, it's better for me to focus on today only as best I can.

My ego is not damaged at all by my husband's actions and your ego shouldn't be either. Cheaters are notoriously insecure and cheat 'down' as they say, in other words they find just about anyone who will do this with them.

More than ever it's important for you to take incredible care of and cherish you and who you are. I know, it's cliche, but God it's true!

hugs

Many of us have those same feelings. The shock of someone we love so much choosing someone else over us is an ego slap in the face. The thing that helps me is to remember that my spouse's cheating really had nothing to do with me, it was all about him. His selfishness, his choice to do the wrong thing, his compartmentalization of his affairs as if it they had nothing to do with us. It still hurts that he went through with it having so little regard for the consequences, but he really believed there wouldn't be any and is only now finding out otherwise.

I agree completely about the isolation. I have even considered moving away to avoid the embarrassment in my community. Things have been going pretty well but then yesterday, my husband went out with a co-worker who goes to strip clubs all the time and I think took my husband. I've learned to belive my suspicions and they aren't paranoid...just logical.

I try really hard not to think of everything that went wrong. I was a newlywed and dealing with infidelity at the same time. I don't now if I will ever be the same person. The pain doesn't go away and just keeps coming back. I keep trying to remember what things were like when we were so in love but I don't know if he is able to be faithful. It is very sad and I deal with it all the time. Now with the suspicion that he went to a strip club and forgot about our plans really hurts. I hope this helps even thought it is so depressing. Today is a really bad day and I am thinking of leaving just so that I can quit telling myself to get over it.

I'd have to agree with pianogirl. The cheating isn't really about you. It's about her and the choices she made, and what the consequences would be. I think alot of people get caught up in the moment.The PEA kicks in, they think they are in love. It's really a fanasy. They don't think ahead as to how thier actions will impact thier life. The way I deal with it is to understand we are all human and make mistakes. Those of us that learn from our mistakes, don't repeat them. Those of us that don't learn, blame others for our mistakes, are doomed to repeat them. If we keep doing the same mistakes over and over again, soon, it becomes who we are. I have learned so much from the others on this site. There are so many that have been through what you have, allow them to help you through this. There are many here that are extremely bitter. Don't allow the angry, bitter, and resentful to cloud your judgement.