Tricky one... things are going well which is great however there is still something attaching you to what happened. Will writing him help you, hurt you, empower him? Do you think that a guy who would be with another man's wife is going to feel anything (beyond more of a power trip) when you contact him? Probably not.

That said, I wrote my wife's cheating partner. I was direct and clear on several points.
- He is not the only one to blame.
- We had best never meet,
- Were I to find out that he contacts her again, we will meet. :)

He knows he is a douche brother... unless reminding him helps you - give him the time he deserves - none.

Why should he mean anything to you? What do you think you would gain from contacting him? Do you really think he will have remorse and become a wonderful person because you made him see the light? Maybe if you are hung up on contacting him you aren't really moving forward the way you think you are.

I guess I want him to know that he tried to screw up my marriage and didn't succeed. He is my stepsons father. I have raised he son since he was 8. He is now 20. He never liked me because I'm a way better, person and father then he ever will be. He is a manipulated. He has always tried to manipulate my wife and her son, even before I was around. I just him to know that he tried and didn't succeed. Even when my wife and ke were on bad terms. I guess its just being insecure with myself.

Doesn't the fact that he is out of the picture now and that you and your wife are together now make it obvious to everyone, including him that he didn't get away with anything or "win" as some like to view this? IMHO, the best revenge is to go on with your life, live well, prosper and totally ignore the ex-AP of your wife. For many of these people, the absolute worst thing you can do to them is to just ignore them, and not give them any further satisfaction. If you don't ignore the ex-AP, it will be evident to him that he still is getting to you on some level. If you must write a letter to him, write it and do not send it--do it only for your own therapy.

Thanks everyone for the advice. It truly helps when others can relate. Man I should have joined this sooner.

I agree with Sarah. The best revenge is success. Don't send a letter to this scumbag. It'll be a waste of time because he won't be able to find anybody to read it to him.

Don't give him power over you... He's a POS not worthy of your time.

Give it a few more months and you may no longer have that urge. Silence is deadly.

I know it can be extremely hard to move on. Have you guys been through any type of counseling to better heal from this trauma? It's encouraging to hear your positive attitude toward healing your marriage! Blessings!

~Ducktapetherapy77

It is tempting to think about contacting the AP and saying your peace.
It's just not a good idea.

They don't give a hoot. And if anything would get a lot of satisfaction out of knowing you are even thinking about them.

They are lousy human beings. They are not going to change. And in the end you are not going to get much satisfaction out of the experience.

There is an expression: Living well is the best revenge. So live well, my friend! And stop thinking about the jackass.

I have been through what you're going through & I completely understand wanting to "put him in their place". However,if you & your wife are doing good- why risk it, when this is a sensitive time for you, as a couple? Do you really want to give him a reason to talk to her? After he reads your letter, he will most likely contact her to cry about it...I suggest writing down everything you would say to him & then burn it..If you still REALLY want him to "know his place", then maybe your wife should be the one to write him & say she doesn't love him & she chose you & all the other stuff she should say to him, to make it loud & clear that the best man won:) I hope you can find some peace with this & find comfort knowing that YOU are the better man & he's not worth your time, thoughts or energy.

Well, I didn't give myself time to cool down and i don't regret it (for myself). For entertainment value i pasted the email i simultaneously sent to my bf and his 'she's just a friend' partner in crime. If she lived nearby I would of also shown up at her doorstep. I was livid. I changed the names...
"You two are the biggest pieces of trash I have ever met. John, I have read EVERY SINGLE one of your hundreds of emails (a few email accounts) and your CL posts on your CL account (your new password is sociopath btw)....2 years you did this to me? Even missed connections! You are a bonafide sociopath. And your skank is a piece of work too - just like i said she was. Deceitful and rotten to the highest degree. I second Dave's words to you.. I had planned quite the public shame on you both....instead I just have one thing to say - don't EVER contact me. Not ONE sigh from your lying trap and black heart. If you do, both you and Diane will live to regret it. If you ever see me, don't even talk to me. I hate you. You are so pathetic. You are the low of the lows, think you are something special to women yet have to 'buy' them! You are everything i despise. I don't know how scumbags like you get up every morning and can look at yourselves in the mirror! I curse you and your lives. You will get yours, no matter how many times you go to church and cling on to your looks and your degree. And pray to your Father the deceiver, that i leave this town soon, because I have no problem telling my truth and showing it to whoever asks, even your family. Birds of a feather flock together and the whole puzzle came together...and all now makes perfect sense. This thanksgiving be grateful I don't stoop to your levels! Classy? What a joke. I can now pull the knife out from my back. Once a cheater always a cheater!"
The result? I felt better lol. Actually what happened is that he and I have been working on healing us and she has disappeared, never to be heard from again. Luckily she lives far away. I don't know what I would do if i saw her personally. It would be ugly.

I am struggling with this to. though not exactly the same situation. My boyfriend seems to have this MO of not staying around, cheating and leaving, with no explanation. I said something to the OW, but somehow he talked his way out of it. How much do I push that he is not who he seems he is. They are already discussing marriage and I really feel for her. He sold the house out from under his last wife and forced her to move out. Luckily I owned the home this time.

You can't enlighten a piece of shut

I obsessed about doing similar things but decided not to. It wasn't easy...but I am glad I didn't.