Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
D-day was 5 months ago.Me and my wife have been going through is counciling and things were still really tough but I was begining to trust and believe in her. Three months ago she told me most of the truth about the affairs. This week the om I confronted and confronted his women texted me that my wife was a whore and screwing everybody at the company.He had gotten wind that I was going to sue him for alienation of affection. His women told him that because she had talked to me months ago and when I was going to divorse I told her that. I told him yet again this was between me and him and he needed to meet me man to man (because of his previous physical threats and behavior). He refuses but is real tough in a text.I gave him an ultimatum meet me and get it overwith or I was going to sue him so he has to show up somewhere. He said some things of course that got me all crazy and stirred up again. I confronted my wife and she admitted lying to me about using protection and about the number of times they slept together and that they slept together after I caught them. She says i cannot treat her badly about this and my attitude is why she did not tell me. This sucks I am really commited to keeping my family together. The lies about safe sex tear me up. I specifically asked her about that and brought up the health implications and that kills me. I am back to square one. I have asked her to read so many passages about lying and begged her so many times to just pull of the bandage and let it all out. I have been really hard on her with my words and I know that is a factor. I am really commited to make this work but i am not sure if I can make the decision to be with someone who cannot tell me the truth and therefore keeps hurting me.help please?
I'm not 100 percent sure why you need to get the OM as much as you do. The problem is your wife. SHE broke the vows, SHE brought him into your life. SHE continues to lie over and over about what happened. You're right; it does bring you back to square one. Why should you have to shoulder all the baggage on this? AND she continued seeing him, AND gaining a reputation, AFTER you found out? I'm sorry, buddy, but she doesn't sound particularly remorseful. I wish you the best of luck.
1) Because they know it will hurt you.
2) " they are ashamed to admit the truth.
3) " they are afraid of the reactions & consequences.
Although it is the honorable/right thing, It's not easy to tell someone that you've been sleeping with someone else, lying, deceiving....you know the rest of the feelings.
It's harder than telling someone that they look fat, or that they smell bad : )
It's just another way to say, 'I know what I did was REALLY REALLY bad, so I will minimize it...or not tell all of it...or just hope like holy hell that it all won't come out...because if it did, all the truth would make me look like hell.'
You have a right to the truth, so you can decide how you want to deal with this. It's your life too.
...but you can expect trickle truth.
L~
I wish you better luck my friend.
I think it becomes about what is important to you to know, what it is you do not believe, and whether you can live with that. Also consider that if she came out and told you more stuff and then said, "This is the WHOLE truth. There is nothing more," would you believe her? The moment we find out our spouse has committed this kind of betrayal and told such lies, we will never completely trust they have told us everything. I think one of the reasons it becomes scary for us is that we may think that if they continue to keep anything from us, it puts us at risk in the future. I think it is a legitimate concern, one that I share myself.
As for the OM, I think you just have to let this piece of sh*# go. What is it you are looking for from him? Is he continuing to have any contact with your wife? Even if he says he will be there waiting for your W, it can only mean something if she goes to him. That is all up to her. And even if you own a business, I think you could still change your number. I'm sure there is a service to give the new one for a period of time if the old one is dialed or something like that. It may be a pain in the ass, but worth it in the end. At the very least, can't you have his number blocked? And obviously trying to reason with this bottom-feeder is pointless. A) Reasonable people don't do this kind of stuff. B) If someone does this kind of stuff, he doesn't give a damn about what it's doing to you or your family.
You might also try going to your local police and seeing if there is a possibility of getting a restraining order against this guy. If he is harrassing you, perhaps you can get an order of protection which prohibits him from even contacting you by phone. But you also need to stop asking him to meet you somewhere. Focus on your wife and family now.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope one way or the other you can get your life and your marriage back on the right track.
Listen, I feel you heart and soul on this one, and all I can tell you is that 4 mos. after Dday, I'm still planning on having H take a polygraph. Having this group, some books, counseling, etc. has helped me understand it takes time to let go of the truth when it hurts the BS or shames the CS, so I've been patient. But there are still gaps that need filling, and if I don't get them soon, there will be a polygraph.
Some people accept that infidelity is infidelity, and can accept not having the whole story. But due to the time involved, a prior 'minor' incident 13 yrs. ago, etc., I NEED to know how long this has all been going on, to what extent, etc. I just can't see myself getting closure without making sense of some things that don't make sense right now.
So, those are your options, accept that you'll never get the whole truth, or go with the polygraph. Be ready to go thru with it, and be ready to give the ultimatum if she won't.
Hugs,
CR64
...at some point, 90% of this room wanted to go after the OW/OM.
Still, I have a promise set in stone that someday, I will rip out the OW's throat.
Just saying...
I sure as hell hope you wife stays away from this guy.
From the way he's talking, I could come there and kick his ass myself.
Sending you support, L~
Best of luck to ya, mate!
I figure the real problem is my wife. i don't understand why she did it and she is unabe to tell me. I told her ater dday that she needed to tell me EVERYTHING so i could try to work thru it. she said she had. It took three months and I was starting to trust her again. then I found out a whole bunch of other stuff. Why didn't she tell me this in the beginning? She said she was ashamed. i don't know. It will be a long time before I can trust her again. i had no idea she could lie so damn well.
Don't respond to this guys calls, hell ,file harrassment charges against him if you must. You have to have a real talk with your W and decide if the relationship can be salvaged. You have to let her know what you need to overcome this. Be prepared if she is unwilling to
work things out. Good luck.
This take a lot of discipline, but it is helpful when it comes to gathering information.