Hello Julianna

I feel your pain. I myself am in a similiar situation. You said you ended your relationship with him???
What would confronting him do for you??
It would probably bring you pain.
I'm sorry that you are still experiencing terrible emotions due to your breakup.
Be strong and let the fact you learned go. If you can, it will be easier to deflect if you should learn something new in the future.

Thank you so much for those words. Believe it or not, I have come a long way since I ended things. I have totally reinvented myself....new job, new friends, new interests etc. So I'm proud of those things.

I ended the relationship over the phone and he was lucky that I even gave him that small amount of my time. I could go on and on for sure...but what I have learned is that life is about forgiveness and I want to forgive and have a pure heart.....I was "there" and I just have to process this. I'm going to be ok.....and you will be too!

I think there is a difference between not moving forward and dealing with certain things that may never go away. My sister and I were just having this discussion yesterday. It has been two years since she and her ex-H split, over a year since the divorce, and she is in a new relationship and unexpectedly expecting (lol) her first child. But there are certain things she may never understand or truly get over about what happened with her ex. We can encounter reminders of the pain we have been through at any time. I would find it pretty much impossible to believe that anyone who had this kind of traumatic experience can feel nothing when something comes along to remind them. That doesn't mean they haven't healed, it just means they are human.

Of course, if you find yourself dwelling on it often or having unhealthy thoughts, that's different. I think having an urge now and again to confront him is okay, because we have that natural need to know and understand things, especially those things that change our lives so measurably. But if it's more of an obsession, then there are clearly feelings that still need to be dealt with. Only you can decide whether the negative feelings you still experience are more overwhelming than normal relapses.

Have you ever received any counseling for what you've been through? If not and you still find yourself struggling, you may want to look into it. I think it's okay to still think about it sometimes because I think that's only natural. Just be mindful of how much it is affecting your life and get some help with it if you need to.

Hello Natty,

Thank you for your kind words. I agree with you in that these reminders do come up from time to time and it's just something at this point that I'm needing to deal with. For the first year after the breakup, I basically "hybernated" in my home to take time to heal. I knew that if I was out and about, that I would have those reminders of our life together. And then as time went on, I slowly started getting out again and also finding that I could deal with these situations and not "freak" out! Actually, I was out with some friends back in August and was dancing with a friend and came back to our table and he was there! I don't think he knew that I was there which I don't really care anyway but the point of this is that I didn't speak to him and I didn't get upset!

I just think that as time goes on, I will always remember and I'll just be able to handle it. All the best to you and your sister.....

Intuition is NEVER wrong. The only time(s) you get duped is when you don't follow it.
Use that in your future relationships. Forget about this one. Put a fork in it for once and for all.
But above all, take care of YOU!

thanks for the hug Julianna!!!
i send one to you too. course we will be ok.
we will be better than before while they will remain the same.

You have the piece of the puzzle that was missing-now you can have closure. It's hard to grieve and move on when part of the puzzle is missing.

DO NOT confront this man-don't let him have another second of your life-he's not worth it.

Hold you head high-and be thankful he is no longer your problem. Thank your lucky stars for that!

What a silly little boy, huh?

Here, he was in that deny, deny, deny mode. And you STILL caught it all. On that level in your gut, you still caught it. While he stamped his little feet and said you were so wrong. I am sure he probably said he felt nothing for her, either.

And you were still right.

Well, good for you! Lesson learned here? You can, indeed, trust your mind and instincts.

Confronting him? Is there even a point? I wish there could be. There may only be that small satisfaction that you were right all along.

..and like Natty said...accept the fact that this one may always be a bit tough for you. It may always hurt you a teeny bit. Not all things end well.

...but end they did...

Enjoy your life! L~

A big thanks and hugs to all of you who responded to my post. I take each one of your comments "seriously" and I treasure the friends that I have made here.

It certainly does help to know that you are not alone. I am truly blessed....