Dday just passed a couple months ago. I didn't handle it well. Even though he took the day off work to spend with me, it still ate me up inside. Try to keep busy... I sat around the house. UGH!

It is what it is. We all have triggers, memories. Time helps dull the pain. Infidelity is a bitch.

Today is my H's work Christmas Party. It's the third year that I won't let him go. H + alcohol + the OW = Nothing Good. Does today bring back memories? Of course. It should. But the pain is not as bad.

I don't want to forget what my H did. I want to be reminded. In my haste to have things normal again, I overlooked telltale signs that the A was still going on.

I think my H does better knowing he is under suspicion. It makes him work harder.

My advice is to acknowledge the pain, and then let it pass through you. Do something just for you. Or, if you are feeling really bad, tell your spouse. Dump it on them!!

#2 nice advice

the pain turd should be dumped upon the creator

I think it is real. I've talked to some people that don't have much trouble with triggers and anniversary dates. But I think it just depends on both the person and the situation.

I have always been someone who recalls anniversary dates for lots of things, happy and sad. I definitely have some trigger dates and situations, even though I am 2 years out from Dday as of last week. I don't think it's necessarily choosing to make oneself miserable. We can't exactly control what our mind chooses to notice, remember, etc. I try not to wallow in it, but I also try to be mindful of my thoughts and feelings about it and work through them as best as possible.

Be gentle w yourself when these thoughts and feelings arise. I try to keep busy or do something nice for myself, or if I get really stuck and have a hard time getting past the trigger I write about it in my journal on here or in a private journal. My H and I tried briefly to reconcile but ultimately we divorced, so I can't exactly dump it on him, but if you and yours are still together, then yes I think you should talk w them about it. If they are really committed to rebuilding, they should be willing and available to work through those tough times w you.

I am more than 8 years out from the anniversary, it never really goes away, and certain things he says, or does, even though he doesn't remember, (brain injury), make me reel. he wants to go camping in Algonquin - he took her there, I will never go, silly things like that. we've moved on, but i'm not blind, I will always look out for signals, things he can't be trusted to do (internet) without restrictions, and I always feel like its my burden, for staying, and not his, even though he's been amazing, and has always owned up to it, and begged for forgiveness, he's always the one telling me to get over it, and I try, its not always the anniversary, that makes me remember, just triggers.

I haven't been on here for a year or two, and here I am on the 4 year anniversary. I, too, go through it all over again, recounting where we were and what we were doing that week, the few days before and the few after. And still wondering if I made the right choice staying with him. I look at him and cannot believe he is the same person who cheated on me, since he doesn't do anything suspicious or act like he did when he was in the midst, so it is hard for me to talk about this with him. Dumping this on him would just make the next few days really uncomfortable, especially since we haven't talked about it in at least a year (I don't remember if I pointed this day out to him last year, and don't know if he even knows what day it is). I'm just moody and don't want to go to bed with him like I usually do, instead trying to get some of this hurt out on here. January 7th, the day my world changed forever.

Weird how we remember all these dates, me and my ex were divorced years ago. Mine has been almost 16 years, we get along for our children. For some reason that date sticks:/