I am not a WS but rather a BS but I think you hit all the areas that I would believe to be true. Attention and Escape would be the top two reasons I would think a WS would get out of an affair.

There is 100's of reasons, known CS for money or valuable things.

I know my X's was definitely avoidance. He deals with confrontation by running away.

For me it was pain relief, so escape or a drug would fit as well.

BS, as well, but from what I've seen/heard:

sexual fulfillment
a confidant / friendship that may not exist with the spouse

The whole issue of being in the "fog" comes into play, too. WS may believe that they've finally just found the "right" person and that their spouse was just "wrong" for them. It may be a sense of glorifying the AP and making the BS into a villain. Sometimes it's more complicated... the sense of being trapped (blackmail, obligation, whatever) after things have gone even slightly inappropriate so a WS gets "stuck" in an affair. (Not to excuse the behavior, just some of the things I've seen play out.)

I firmly belie\/e your assumptions are accurate. My CS is exhibiting all of those traits. And Trying: My H is the same way, running away is much easier for him than standing up & fighting. He always 'shuts down' if we needed to fight/argue something out & resol\/e. Now, thru a mutual friend, that is the biggest complaint that the OW now has about him. But in his eyes, he says he was talking but I wasn't listening. On the contrary, I was listening, but all I heard was silence.

All I can say now is: What comes around, goes back around!!

you forgot great sex..someone to talk/listen too, companionship, dates, nice dinners, fun, romance, more sex, and the ability to send them home to their spouses..............oh and no commitment.

Yes, companionship was a big part. In fact, if he and I had been secure enough in ourselves to not use sexuality to hook each other, we would probably still be great companions. We'd be playing golf, watching football, enjoying music, doing crossword puzzles and getting each others geeky jokes. It was the use of sex to keep each others attention that screwed it all up. It was believing that, unless I offered sex, he wouldn't give me the time of day. It was my belief that if all I offered was my friendship that I would not be worth his time. And he held the same beliefs.

Fiber he became a companion first.one year later we began a sexual encounter. I needed to share my inner most thoughts with. It we him. He helped me feel human again. I am so enlightened it was not about our wonderful sexual encounters. I hope you find peace, love, and joy.

I think your list pretty much hits the nail on the head.

I am new to this site... I do not know the abbreviations.. Can someone help me out... what is WS and BS

WS=wayward spouse
BS=betrayed spouse

thank you