What you describe is probably a big factor in the choice some people make to stick it out and rebuild. It is easier in so many ways to keep a family together, and maybe it's not just for the kids, but for the sanity of the parents as well. H and I definitely looked at what our lifestyles would be if we split and that certainly played a part in our decision.

Not very romantic, mind you, but probably a part of the truth for many.

Fiberjunkie - good insight actually - my life is just running from here to there and trying to make everyone happy - the boys especially.

Even working as a team, our life is insanely busy. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Even though it might feel selfish with such a shortage of time, carving out a little for your own self care will benefit your kids in the long run. They will learn that important lesson, that you can't care for others until your own needs are met.

Where can you carve out a little quiet time for a workout, maybe some yoga or meditation? Just half an hour a day can go a long way to restoring that clarity. If your kids really can't do with any less of your time, can your gf give up a little in order for you to maintain some balance? I think a mature woman would understand and appreciate you being more relaxed, tuned when you can be available.

*tuned in*

Oh yes..., now that I'm by myself in this house, it's very tough. I also have a job that sometimes requires me to go in early, or leave late, which I simply don't have the luxury of doing, so that interferes with my "me" time, which I seem to need a lot of just to deal with everything, as I'm feeling burnt out a lot...

Being the only one keeping up with dinners, laundry, house cleaning, etc., with no partner, is just something I've got to get used to , but it's tough when the motivation isn't there...Give it more time, and I'm sure it'll become routine, but I'm just not there yet...

You're still in "survival mode". Running at breakneck speed trying to keep on top of everything. It will burn you out a lot quicker than you think it will. I'm going to have to agree with fiber in that you need to take a little bit of time for yourself everyday just to decompress and relax. For me, it's guitar. I spend an hour a night just running scales and strumming chords. It's very relaxing to me. Find yourself an inexpensive hobby that you can enjoy by yourself or when your GF is around she can enjoy with you, even if it's just playing UNO or Go Fish. It will get better. It did for me.

Yes, I agree. After my Ex split, I felt the same way. Tasks that were once simple seem to take over. Groceries, laundry, kid's school, cooking, all the usual things. It really gave me a new found appreciation for all the single parents out there.

It does get easier. The Ex finally settled down and we have a more predictable schedule. We share custody 50/50. Our son was at each house 1 week. He complained about all the back and forth so we changed it to 2 weeks each house. Had to re-learn the schedule. Tasks like laundry could be put off until he went to his mom's now have to be done each week.

With a more predictable schedule, I am able to plan a little ahead, and things feel a little less rushed. I also try to simplify, cut back multitask as much as possible. Laundry machine not running? it probably should be. (and after my son goes to bed, I run another load and do the bills, etc before I turn in. )

So my only advice is that it does get easier. Kids get older and can do more, practice makes tasks easier, shortcuts are learned, and new routines are built. Be patient. It took me at least a year or more to master my new schedule.

Good luck!

onyx, how old are your boys? Of course having kids help with chores can take load off the parents but there is a benefit to the child as well. They gain real world skills, gain confidence in their abilities and get to feel like valued team members. Is there anything you can hand off to the boys, or engage in teaching them new skills, that could make life a little easier? At 8 or 9 our kids were able to fix a simple dinner of soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, sort and start laundry, load/unload the dishwasher. 5 could go out and check for eggs or water the lawn, or find radishes or raspberries in the garden.

It's usually inefficient in the short term as they will take longer to do it than you would, but the time spent showing them how is quality time. And you will all feel the pride when they master it.