I think the shock has started to wear off.

Fortunately, I had a therapy appointment last night and I took some anti-anxiety medication earlier in the day.

We discussed the diagnosis my stbx had received from his psychiatrist a couple of years ago when he had tried to commit suicide in one of the most asinine ways possible. You don't even want to know that mess. I'm not going to mention what his tests revealed as his condition can sometimes illicit a hostile response, for some reason.

So, I know he doesn't have the tools to understand the pain he's caused. I know that the more I reach out the worse it will be for me. I know that his condition only causes chaos in my life. I know that the new woman will be in the middle of the muck soon enough and better her than me.

It's the dream he pretended to represent that I miss the most.

I asked why I had attracted two similar 'monsters' into my life?

She said my only crime was I'm a helper. I want to help people and see them succeed and people like that are targets for men like him.

I learned much about myself from my first ex. Healthly boundaries and protecting myself. It's those lessons that are getting me away from ex #2 much sooner and much safer. Now, I need to learn to not fall into the trap in the first place.

I also need to start building new memories so my brain will stop thinking about the old. It's funny, the cheater can only remember the bad but us the survivors of the carnage can only remember the happy times.

Peace all.