Yes, we all have amazing super powers here

Hang in there. You have choices. I recommend that you get a counselor to help you work through this time and consult with an attorney.

Do these things regardless if you reconcile or not.

Protect your contact with your children.

He is still the one that cheated.

It is fairly common for a CS to change jobs to get away from an AP if serious about working on the marriage. That is not necessarily an unreasonable ask. He definitely should not be surprised that you moved out nor blame you (or let the kids blame you) for the split.

See thays the thing. In the beginning he talked about looking for a new job he evn went on some interviews. Now he tells me that he absolutely refuses to quit his job. I mean I get it to a point. He is in a great position there and is making more money than he ever has. But he still has to see her every day.

Love Storm's answer.

Your H cannot keep you from your home. If he changes the locks or does any such nonsense you have the law on your side. That's your home and those are your kids so you can march right back to your home any time you want to, and there isn't a thing he can do about it.

You can't look to blame others for your decisions and actions. The fact that he won't let you back in, is another matter altogether. It sounds like you are fighting a losing battle with him, and your threats seem to be backfiring. Why did you tell him about DS? These support boards are for you, they're not intended as ammunition to be used against your CS. They're for you to understand, and learn, and ruminate. I'd consider seeking a registered therapist to help you through this. There's no stigma is seeking professional help, just a willingness to want to feel better.

It sounds like he's dug his heels in and you may have to rethink your move. Leaving without considering the kids and how it would have gone down, isn't the smartest way to go.

Wishing you well.

I have the kids. And what I meant by want to go home was going back to my husband. I really don't like when people talk doen to me like that. And I told him about the group because I was on it ine day and he asked me what I was doing. I told him the truth something a spouse should do. So don't tell me I don't think about my children. They are always my concern. They may not be happy with me for leaving but they are with me. If you don't like my decisions don't coment on my pist. I came to this group for support not to be criticized. And I feel like that is all that I have been since day one.

I am a spouse who cheated, and I still believe it is solely on your H to let go of his defensiveness if you are to have a real honest conversation about your future. He is the one who has to become vulnerable and reach out to you. It was reasonable for you to want him to consider a job switch, and it was even reasonable for you to move out when he wouldn't. You don't know that he is completely out of the affair because he sees her at work, so you set a boundary to protect yourself. Totally valid choice.

There is no sure answer here. Maybe give it time apart but put it on him to come to you when he is ready to talk. As him what he has to offer you. Don't ask to come home just yet or you will give away your power. Let him see that you can handle yourself without him.

Hello Beautiful, I can tell you a sweet spirited women! But baby if he's not going to become "vulnerable" than its time to rock the boat, you hold all the power!! Because he probably has that women screwing him in your house. No, he has got to GO, time for a wake the HELL UP call for your dearest hubby
1) Hirer a private detective, possibly affordable to investigagte and take photos. Do not tell him, and keep the file private.
2) You have ever right to your home, call the police and take your behind back home. But stay guarded.
3) Workplace relationships are most times prohibited, talk to HR about the women who is trying to persuade your husband into a workplace affair, that is starting to effect the home environment and his work/home balance. And you want your husband to feel comfrontable at work so he can perform at his best. But don't make him look bad put it all on her. So he keeps his job in case you need that alimony check and child support check in the future to be nice and juicy.
4) let him know he is free to sleep in the guest bedroom but you both have the rights to that home.
5) meditate and pick up some new hobbies do not give your energy to the situation. Once the other woman knows that she cannot come back to your home you start to win the battle.
I think that's a great start! Either he's going to wake up or you're going to be getting a fat alimony and child support check. Go home sweetie.

Oh, and be very understand, cordial, sweets and concerning when you talk to HR never let her or him make you look like the crazy wife. Even feel free to set up a meeting and stop there with some coffee and bagels!
- If your body is not tight, get it together quick! If it is, time to step up your game, make-up, hair, clothes!
- If you go to the office, don't tell him or stop by his desk! Haha. You'll win, fight for your hubby, or fight for the life you deserve! A fat alimony check that covers all the bills and child support for the children while you lay out on the beach somewhere in Aruba, with a frozen margarita, figuring out your next biggest life move. If you're a devoted religious woman then it's time to get prayed up sweetheart.

Oh, and if your wondering I have an MBA, with 2 focuses with one being HR, so yessss! Work place affairs typically are not allowed. And Work/Life balance is also terms HR is familiar with. So, google it for your meeting. I can't wait for your grand outcome! Look forward to hearing an update!

Great advice ^.
I think you did the right thing and now are frightened by what the future may hold and that is very normal with the change you are undergoing.
Don't we all wish we had a crystal ball.
This is not a healthy relationship.
A healthy relationship does not cause one to worry, second guess, analyze.
If that man was serious- yes, he'd do everything in his power to make sure you are safe and able to trust again.
Working daily side by side an AP is a huge risk he seems very willing to continue.
You did nothing wrong with your children except to teach them that they should remove themselves from relationships that are negative and take control of their lives.
Now do just that - take control of your life, consult an attorney, a therapist for your issues, and work on you.
If later down the road he wants to work in himself that's on him.
We can't make people react how we want, you took the bull by the horns and took charge of your life and your children's life.

Blaming this site is just deflecting the onus away from himself. A psychopath will punish you by trying to get inside your head for defying his sick regime. Change your tactics and start going out every night and he will soon change his game play. By keeping you from your home, he is punishing you! He knows it is destroying you being away from your kids. He is creating codependency by attacking your self worth. Eventually he will allow you to go running back, and next time you'll think twice about leaving when he cheats on you!

Muchwisernow he is not keeping me from my children. They are with me. We are alternating weeks with them for now. It is just home meaning him. I love him and I miss him. I know he was wrong and I know we have a lot to work through but I feel like I made a huge mistake by walking away. I know I needed to do something but did I do the right thing?

I think it is telling that he won't look for another job.

Yes $ matters, it allows you / him to provide fur the kids and lack of $ is stressful.

In your case, what does the $ mean?

Could you family thrive with less?

Does he love what his job gives HIM more than what he gives you and the family ?