Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I know this is really long , I was gonna post to journal and then topic it asking for advice but to heck with that, please read what you can and adviseI am at a loss and need advice asap
Ok, something has been going on with my boyfriend of 2 years lately...(Who am I kiddinglately)
We have been dating for 2 years and living together for just over 1 1/2yrs.
At the beginning he was working as a tow truck driver, there would be a lot of time between calls where he had time to kill, or he could create long breaks, his work hours were long and unknown
Shortly after he moved in I found naughty texts on his phone to a few different women
Hey sexy, what are you up to today
Can I nibble your nipples
Youre a hottie, I want to lick you til you quiver.
What are you up to for lunch I am bored?
Texts to this effect
I confronted him and at first he denied it, then I showed him they were there and I had seen themit was nothing, that is just the way he talks to these girls that are old friends. I explained it wasnt right it hurt me and it needed to stop
Within a couple months one night when he came home from work there were about 40 texts deleted (20 incoming and 20 outgoing). I said wtf? At first he denied it. He texted no one nothing is there to see. Then I pointed out lists on the phone, it holds 100 incoming texts, 50 outgoing, and 60 voice calls, when a new comes in the last on the lists is deleted, so the amount in the lists stays the same. He tried outright denial, then he says it was nothing, just texts. So then why delete? I became persistant and he says eventuallyhe deleted because it was none of my businessYeah I didnt like that too much!
About 4 months after he moved in I was schedualed for brain surgery (aneurysm clipping). About a week after surgery I found texts on his phone from the day of surgery, shortly after I went to the operating room he was at a mall parking lot miles away (stated in the texts) texting chicks calling them sexy and asking what they were up toto this day he states it was nothing and he was worried and just wanted to not be alone (yadda-yadda)
He has always been secretive about the internet, and seems to log on once I am out of the room. He logs in on his phone to msn or facebook when he goes to the bathroom (I havent caught him at this for some time but all the same) and would spend over half hour in there till I knockedapparently he was playing games on the phoneWhen confronted about me seeing him online cause I logged in, then he was just checking e-mail
He has been secretive about MSN and facebook etc going on when i am not around. In fact he will not even log into MSN with me around (contact list of over 300, hook-ups from before we met). With facebook (friends-150-90% female) and e-mail, he will open the window when I am not around, if I get up to get a coffee etc ( I think he has to make sure nothing incriminating shows before he will let me see), then when I get back it is open
YES, in case you are wondering I have trust issues to start withI figure if I cant trust you then we have an issue! I just dont have time for dishonesty and betrayal. I still have another brain surgery to come (2 more aneurysms on the other side) and I want to fill my life with happiness and answers, not sadness and questions. Evan knew straight up honesty was the BIGGEST thing to me! I have been ready to walk a couple times because of it.
A little over a month ago he was being an ass right from when he got home, (he now works at a heavy equipment wreakers with his Dad so I am not AS worried when he is at work, but still am). Mad I spent $20 on an air mattress for the motorhome, ignoring me or being snappy all night. Finally I snapped and said You are acting like you dont even want me around, maybe I should just go to the motorhome to renovate and crash there. His responsewhat fin ever, and he got into bed. So I took my pillow and left. (in the country-about 2 block walk to shop and motorhome).
Next afternoon, he comes to the motorhome and life goes on. But about 5 days later something possesses me to check his computer history. Turns out about 5 minutes after I left to the motorhome he was onlineKijiji classified casual encounters and singles ads. Facebook (inbox, and girls profiles), hotmail and windows live private messages. (I had previously made a fake profile with a pic of a pretty woman, added him and asked for a hook-up in a private message, he deleted the message quickly cause I was in the room, so I had sent a second later saying sorry I had bothered him, I just thought his pic was hot and would like to meet) He had received this second message this night and added Carey to his contact list.
I sit on this a bit, but of course the things going on in my head
Finally I talk and say I dont think he wants a relationship as he is still looking. He insists he isnt. I bring up going online as soon as I turn my back. Not true. I mention the motorhome night. Didnt go on. I say I have proof. Didnt go on. I start listing what he did online. K went on to check e-mail. I call B-S, mention casual encounters. Well what was he supposed to do, I left to the motorhomeAs far as that got.
So give it a couple days, He comes home Friday from work, again I catch him going through my phone. He goes to bed so I go through his. 4 deleted calls.
Next day I tried to find out what was up and was civil, of course, deny all...called no one deleted nothing...
I try to have a heart to heart and say that if he has to hide things something is up, I NEED honesty, so if he wants an open relationship speak up...Nope, only wants me I am his life, loves only me, not looking for anything else...called no one and doesnt know how his phone went from a 60 caller list to 56. This has to be BS as you have to press certain buttons in a certain order to delete a call, maybe by accident once but 4 times in a row?
I know he still gets e-mails from singles/online dating sites.
He once used his exs knowing his passwords and signing into MSN as him as an excuse as why I see him online in the dayeveryone knows all my passwords are******! I remembered the password and started to snoop, I have been in his e-mail and facebook, he was arranging hook-ups right before moving in, had been messaging sexy contacts on facebook to meet up for a drink. He still adds contacts on MSN regularily.
I received nothing but lies in regards to the deleted callers, So I say I want to go stay at a girlfriends and we can talk when he is ready...I NEED honesty and if he will not offer it maybe this will not work I say. He drops me off in the city at my friends Saturday afternoon.
Sunday morning I text saying if he is ready to talk honestly, he knows where to reach me, if not, I will take it as a sign no responseSunday night I text can you call me please or say something nothing, no response. Couple hours later I call no answer, try again in a while, nothing, leave a message to call, no response. Then a text saying he loves me what else can he say. Sorry he is watching a movie at his friends. K you are obviously busy I will talk to you later. No No! (what-fin-ever).
He cant live without me, I am his life, He spent all Saturday and Sunday at Brents pouting, then went to Brads and watched a movie, then straight home and cant stand to be there without me.
Anyways, Wedneday we decide we will work on it and be honest, he finally comes to get me after many delays and phone calls to his buddies before he can leave.
Thursday during the day I found a McDonalds receipt on the floor for 11:30pm Sunday, (brad lives by us in the country, this McDs is 25 minutes away, proving he had not been at Brads and gone straight home) I say nothing. When he fell asleep I was harassed by his phone on the nightstand, it kept calling me. I went through the callers list and he had been calling all his friends.
BIG FIND- turns out at 10:48 am Sunday he took a picture of his cock and sent it to a 403 area code (our province has 780/north and 403/south-we are 780 but central). Then at 12:56pm he sent a picture of his face (taken in his truck-hmm not at Brents) to the same number. Then the face shot was sent to a hotmail e-mail an hour later.
I start to cry and shake, I dont want to freak I love him and dont want to fight. But I cant stand it. I wake him and calmly tell him what I have found. You know what? he says You gotta stop going through my phone Nothing happened he insists. Who are they? Girls I talked to online. WTF? It was nothing he insists.
Next Day he is at work. I am thinking since we have to go to town right after work (payday) I will put on something kinky under my clothes and tell him what I am wearing on the way to town. Try to spice it up a bit, remind him we have fun too. Try to out-do whatever has his interest onlineGoing crazy trying on multiple outfits, doing hair, make-up, all must be perfect
Here-we-go!
BIG FIND---
In the dirty clothes pile, a receipt from a truck stop, dated Sunday, 2 bottles motor oil, an Alberta road map and condoms
Here I stand wearing a rhinestone covered teddy and stockings trying to find clothes to hide it under, feeling sexy and flirty---and BAMMI am balling and feeling like the biggest fool in the whole province!
While I was staying at my friends, he had said in small talk I bought us a new map babe WTF? You drove tow truck we are up to our nipples in maps. Sorry babe impulse buy, its a nice big fold out one and I was thinking we could use it What a fool I was, he tries to make it sound like he bought it for us!! I didnt get laid because of it! I want a refund!!
He had also used a full tank of gas, filled Saturday when he dropped me off, and had to put a jerry can in to make it to work Monday.
Pieces seem to fit here
I dont freak, he gets home and I say I just will stay home as he goes to town, everything is going wrong today and I am not ready. He insists I come, I look beautiful as I am, he doesnt want to be anywhere without me. I give in and throw on clothes and go. On the way home I break down and tell him I need honesty. What happened while I was gone. He went through the speal, Brents Brads home yadda yaddaI say start over and be honest, tell me everything and all stops. Same story. OK start over and realize you do not know what all I know, so be honest. you tell me what you think you found out first screw that I respond. I told you everything he says. Ok then what about Mcdonalds, ok so what I went back to the city after brads and got food, nothing else. What did you buy when you got the map? Motor oil. And thats it? Yeah. What about the condoms? Then he was getting mad. Fight fight-he never used them-didnt know why he bought them- threw them out the window on the highway to work( even went as far as to drive to where he threw them to find them and prove it)
Bottom line I told him I want honesty againHe insists nothing happened and he drove around the city all day til he went home(12 hours) tried to even stick to being at brents all day (but the face pic proves he was gone by 1pm at the latest, so then he switched to driving the city all day)
Side note-he insistes his biggest problem is I wont believe he loves me and wants to be with only me. I dont believe him when he calls me sexy or beautiful. I always think he wants something elseSee my side---he calls all these chicks hottie, sexy, beautiful, what can these words mean to me now? He is calling these girls this, how can he want only me then? Am I not to think I am not enough or dont measure up? How can I believe he loves me???
QUESTIONSPlease answer
AM I CRAZY? Do you see the BS I see or am I alone and over reacting?
Could what he says be true?
Likelihood of throwing the condoms out the window and skipping the road trip?
I have the 403 phone number he sent the nude to, and most likely went on a road trip to see and use condoms with. I want to call her and nicely talk to her about what went on. I do not at all blame her, she most likely doesnt know I exist!! She may be the only one I can get an answer from, and YES I want the answer---Is it wrong for me to call? Any advice on what to say? Should I call from his phone-(he is leaving it at home when he goes to work) or call from mine to see what she says or texts to him after?
I also have the hotmail from his sent list added to my contacts-any advice on what to say?
Is there anyway to work this out?
Can I make him see my side?
Could he ever be honest?
What is up with the MSN facebook and internet (by the way on FB since sat, he has posted things that have been deleted(that his hook-ups have commented on) brent posted a vid on his wall that has been deleted- and he tried to change his password-I changed it back-lol)
I want to get to the truth and give him one last chance to come cleanis that a retarded plan?
I love him (he keeps asking if I hate him now, I am here trying to work it out and not gone right?)
Opinions? Male and female? OW or Wife? Anyone???
I need direction and I need it quick
I want to call her
Input please?
What would you do??
Ok, something has been going on with my boyfriend of 2 years lately...(Who am I kiddinglately)
We have been dating for 2 years and living together for just over 1 1/2yrs.
At the beginning he was working as a tow truck driver, there would be a lot of time between calls where he had time to kill, or he could create long breaks, his work hours were long and unknown
Shortly after he moved in I found naughty texts on his phone to a few different women
Hey sexy, what are you up to today
Can I nibble your nipples
Youre a hottie, I want to lick you til you quiver.
What are you up to for lunch I am bored?
Texts to this effect
I confronted him and at first he denied it, then I showed him they were there and I had seen themit was nothing, that is just the way he talks to these girls that are old friends. I explained it wasnt right it hurt me and it needed to stop
Within a couple months one night when he came home from work there were about 40 texts deleted (20 incoming and 20 outgoing). I said wtf? At first he denied it. He texted no one nothing is there to see. Then I pointed out lists on the phone, it holds 100 incoming texts, 50 outgoing, and 60 voice calls, when a new comes in the last on the lists is deleted, so the amount in the lists stays the same. He tried outright denial, then he says it was nothing, just texts. So then why delete? I became persistant and he says eventuallyhe deleted because it was none of my businessYeah I didnt like that too much!
About 4 months after he moved in I was schedualed for brain surgery (aneurysm clipping). About a week after surgery I found texts on his phone from the day of surgery, shortly after I went to the operating room he was at a mall parking lot miles away (stated in the texts) texting chicks calling them sexy and asking what they were up toto this day he states it was nothing and he was worried and just wanted to not be alone (yadda-yadda)
He has always been secretive about the internet, and seems to log on once I am out of the room. He logs in on his phone to msn or facebook when he goes to the bathroom (I havent caught him at this for some time but all the same) and would spend over half hour in there till I knockedapparently he was playing games on the phoneWhen confronted about me seeing him online cause I logged in, then he was just checking e-mail
He has been secretive about MSN and facebook etc going on when i am not around. In fact he will not even log into MSN with me around (contact list of over 300, hook-ups from before we met). With facebook (friends-150-90% female) and e-mail, he will open the window when I am not around, if I get up to get a coffee etc ( I think he has to make sure nothing incriminating shows before he will let me see), then when I get back it is open
YES, in case you are wondering I have trust issues to start withI figure if I cant trust you then we have an issue! I just dont have time for dishonesty and betrayal. I still have another brain surgery to come (2 more aneurysms on the other side) and I want to fill my life with happiness and answers, not sadness and questions. Evan knew straight up honesty was the BIGGEST thing to me! I have been ready to walk a couple times because of it.
A little over a month ago he was being an ass right from when he got home, (he now works at a heavy equipment wreakers with his Dad so I am not AS worried when he is at work, but still am). Mad I spent $20 on an air mattress for the motorhome, ignoring me or being snappy all night. Finally I snapped and said You are acting like you dont even want me around, maybe I should just go to the motorhome to renovate and crash there. His responsewhat fin ever, and he got into bed. So I took my pillow and left. (in the country-about 2 block walk to shop and motorhome).
Next afternoon, he comes to the motorhome and life goes on. But about 5 days later something possesses me to check his computer history. Turns out about 5 minutes after I left to the motorhome he was onlineKijiji classified casual encounters and singles ads. Facebook (inbox, and girls profiles), hotmail and windows live private messages. (I had previously made a fake profile with a pic of a pretty woman, added him and asked for a hook-up in a private message, he deleted the message quickly cause I was in the room, so I had sent a second later saying sorry I had bothered him, I just thought his pic was hot and would like to meet) He had received this second message this night and added Carey to his contact list.
I sit on this a bit, but of course the things going on in my head
Finally I talk and say I dont think he wants a relationship as he is still looking. He insists he isnt. I bring up going online as soon as I turn my back. Not true. I mention the motorhome night. Didnt go on. I say I have proof. Didnt go on. I start listing what he did online. K went on to check e-mail. I call B-S, mention casual encounters. Well what was he supposed to do, I left to the motorhomeAs far as that got.
So give it a couple days, He comes home Friday from work, again I catch him going through my phone. He goes to bed so I go through his. 4 deleted calls.
Next day I tried to find out what was up and was civil, of course, deny all...called no one deleted nothing...
I try to have a heart to heart and say that if he has to hide things something is up, I NEED honesty, so if he wants an open relationship speak up...Nope, only wants me I am his life, loves only me, not looking for anything else...called no one and doesnt know how his phone went from a 60 caller list to 56. This has to be BS as you have to press certain buttons in a certain order to delete a call, maybe by accident once but 4 times in a row?
I know he still gets e-mails from singles/online dating sites.
He once used his exs knowing his passwords and signing into MSN as him as an excuse as why I see him online in the dayeveryone knows all my passwords are******! I remembered the password and started to snoop, I have been in his e-mail and facebook, he was arranging hook-ups right before moving in, had been messaging sexy contacts on facebook to meet up for a drink. He still adds contacts on MSN regularily.
I received nothing but lies in regards to the deleted callers, So I say I want to go stay at a girlfriends and we can talk when he is ready...I NEED honesty and if he will not offer it maybe this will not work I say. He drops me off in the city at my friends Saturday afternoon.
Sunday morning I text saying if he is ready to talk honestly, he knows where to reach me, if not, I will take it as a sign no responseSunday night I text can you call me please or say something nothing, no response. Couple hours later I call no answer, try again in a while, nothing, leave a message to call, no response. Then a text saying he loves me what else can he say. Sorry he is watching a movie at his friends. K you are obviously busy I will talk to you later. No No! (what-fin-ever).
He cant live without me, I am his life, He spent all Saturday and Sunday at Brents pouting, then went to Brads and watched a movie, then straight home and cant stand to be there without me.
Anyways, Wedneday we decide we will work on it and be honest, he finally comes to get me after many delays and phone calls to his buddies before he can leave.
Thursday during the day I found a McDonalds receipt on the floor for 11:30pm Sunday, (brad lives by us in the country, this McDs is 25 minutes away, proving he had not been at Brads and gone straight home) I say nothing. When he fell asleep I was harassed by his phone on the nightstand, it kept calling me. I went through the callers list and he had been calling all his friends.
BIG FIND- turns out at 10:48 am Sunday he took a picture of his cock and sent it to a 403 area code (our province has 780/north and 403/south-we are 780 but central). Then at 12:56pm he sent a picture of his face (taken in his truck-hmm not at Brents) to the same number. Then the face shot was sent to a hotmail e-mail an hour later.
I start to cry and shake, I dont want to freak I love him and dont want to fight. But I cant stand it. I wake him and calmly tell him what I have found. You know what? he says You gotta stop going through my phone Nothing happened he insists. Who are they? Girls I talked to online. WTF? It was nothing he insists.
Next Day he is at work. I am thinking since we have to go to town right after work (payday) I will put on something kinky under my clothes and tell him what I am wearing on the way to town. Try to spice it up a bit, remind him we have fun too. Try to out-do whatever has his interest onlineGoing crazy trying on multiple outfits, doing hair, make-up, all must be perfect
Here-we-go!
BIG FIND---
In the dirty clothes pile, a receipt from a truck stop, dated Sunday, 2 bottles motor oil, an Alberta road map and condoms
Here I stand wearing a rhinestone covered teddy and stockings trying to find clothes to hide it under, feeling sexy and flirty---and BAMMI am balling and feeling like the biggest fool in the whole province!
While I was staying at my friends, he had said in small talk I bought us a new map babe WTF? You drove tow truck we are up to our nipples in maps. Sorry babe impulse buy, its a nice big fold out one and I was thinking we could use it What a fool I was, he tries to make it sound like he bought it for us!! I didnt get laid because of it! I want a refund!!
He had also used a full tank of gas, filled Saturday when he dropped me off, and had to put a jerry can in to make it to work Monday.
Pieces seem to fit here
I dont freak, he gets home and I say I just will stay home as he goes to town, everything is going wrong today and I am not ready. He insists I come, I look beautiful as I am, he doesnt want to be anywhere without me. I give in and throw on clothes and go. On the way home I break down and tell him I need honesty. What happened while I was gone. He went through the speal, Brents Brads home yadda yaddaI say start over and be honest, tell me everything and all stops. Same story. OK start over and realize you do not know what all I know, so be honest. you tell me what you think you found out first screw that I respond. I told you everything he says. Ok then what about Mcdonalds, ok so what I went back to the city after brads and got food, nothing else. What did you buy when you got the map? Motor oil. And thats it? Yeah. What about the condoms? Then he was getting mad. Fight fight-he never used them-didnt know why he bought them- threw them out the window on the highway to work( even went as far as to drive to where he threw them to find them and prove it)
Bottom line I told him I want honesty againHe insists nothing happened and he drove around the city all day til he went home(12 hours) tried to even stick to being at brents all day (but the face pic proves he was gone by 1pm at the latest, so then he switched to driving the city all day)
Side note-he insistes his biggest problem is I wont believe he loves me and wants to be with only me. I dont believe him when he calls me sexy or beautiful. I always think he wants something elseSee my side---he calls all these chicks hottie, sexy, beautiful, what can these words mean to me now? He is calling these girls this, how can he want only me then? Am I not to think I am not enough or dont measure up? How can I believe he loves me???
QUESTIONSPlease answer
AM I CRAZY? Do you see the BS I see or am I alone and over reacting?
Could what he says be true?
Likelihood of throwing the condoms out the window and skipping the road trip?
I have the 403 phone number he sent the nude to, and most likely went on a road trip to see and use condoms with. I want to call her and nicely talk to her about what went on. I do not at all blame her, she most likely doesnt know I exist!! She may be the only one I can get an answer from, and YES I want the answer---Is it wrong for me to call? Any advice on what to say? Should I call from his phone-(he is leaving it at home when he goes to work) or call from mine to see what she says or texts to him after?
I also have the hotmail from his sent list added to my contacts-any advice on what to say?
Is there anyway to work this out?
Can I make him see my side?
Could he ever be honest?
What is up with the MSN facebook and internet (by the way on FB since sat, he has posted things that have been deleted(that his hook-ups have commented on) brent posted a vid on his wall that has been deleted- and he tried to change his password-I changed it back-lol)
I want to get to the truth and give him one last chance to come cleanis that a retarded plan?
I love him (he keeps asking if I hate him now, I am here trying to work it out and not gone right?)
Opinions? Male and female? OW or Wife? Anyone???
I need direction and I need it quick
I want to call her
Input please?
What would you do??
No trust = No relationship
You need to get out and lvoe yourself for a while. It's a hard step to take, but you can do it. Just take back your power and spend your energy on yourself!
Love to you
Betrayed hit the nail on the head.
This poor excuse of a man is a crazymaker narcissist at best.
Run as fast and far away from him as you can and don't look back. He doesn't deserve another precious second of your time or energy!
Prayers for you!
Thank-You to everyone for responding...
I know alot of it is words I don't want to hear as they are truths I have been trying to deny...
But everything everyone has said is true.
I don't think it would stop even if he did come clean, and I don't want or deserve a future of doubt, fear, suspicion and ultimately...sadness.
I suppose most of the questions are normal (why? what did I do wrong? how much of our life was a farce?) and I will never get the answers...
And he does crazy make- once with the texts he went to his phone and deleted them and then showed me I saw nothing. He denies to an incredible amount...
I guess that is why I want to call the 403 #, I can prove to myself that he is a lying a**hole...beyond a doubt. The other texts and such never really could confirm an encounter, where as with this all the signs point to him taking a road trip...
If I call her today, and she says he went there, I will confront him when he gets home from work today, and once and for all prove to myself he cannot be honest for the sake of how important he says "Us" is to him...
I know this is a stupid wish, but, I think if today, I said this is your last f'in chance, and he came clean and said something like...
Kath, I have a problem, I have been sexting and doing things behind your back, Its like I can't quit, its the thrill of being naughty I'm hooked on it. When you were at Linda's I took it one step further and yes what you think happened did, and now I feel like shit. I started to think of the shoe on the other foot and cannot believe what I have been putting you through. I need to be honest with you to let us move past this, cause us is what I want. I am truly sorry!!!
I would try more, I would try to trust and work at it with him...
But I have to make the call...I need to put it all on the table tonight, and I need to know what truths I can before I do...
This is not where I want to be,
I know he see's that too and it is cruel of him to try to put me in a false reality when he knows my time may be very limited due to my condition (yeah, and stress can be deadly with the size of my aneurysms)...Plain cruel and uncalled for from someone who 'loves U'...
Question now...
Do I call from his cell phone ?
Then it is free for me to call, and I will know how she answers his call...
(He has been leaving it at home this week to prove his 'faithfulness'-but I almost think he bought a pay as you go,just the other day he asked about when I set mine up, if it was on the net and if there was a free incoming option)
OR
Do I call long distance from my pay as you go cell phone? It will cost a bit, I can maybe talk for 20 min then I am out of time...
(then if she contacts him after I talk to her, I will know...)
I am also a little edgy on how to approach this, like I said I do not at all blame her and just want some proof for sure...
Thanx again all of you for responding and helping me out...
I have no one to talk to about this, and I needed to know I was not just being paranoid about stuffs, or kinda psycho because of the hurt.
Others have walked this path before me, and the advice will save time and pain...and it lets me know I am not alone on my views or crazy because of them...
And today he will know...
I will never make someone my priority while allowing myself to be their option!!
(thanx eyeswide- I needed to hear that one, it has been a couple years and I needed to be reminded of that saying!!!)
(goes to make notes for the upcoming call)
Good luck
She was very nice, I could even grow to like her...
He did go there on Sunday and they had sex...
She told me she would text him in the evening so I could see how he reacts, well she did and I knew who it was, he is a lying piece of s**t
Turns out he is on dating sites and that is how he meets them, he has been after her ass all year...
I still have yet to say anything to him, I want all my ducks in a row first, I can see he is nervous now, he knows i know something...
seems he has lied about anything and everything...
This cant be fixed...
I know he will deny when i confront him...
You can deal with truth. You can't deal with lies. You can cope with this - not with the facade you have been believing you had. I have total faith in you.
Yeah, he's gotta go.
N3, welcome aboard! Can't say that 'all men are cheaters.' I know of so many here that aren't. I have even dated a few since my divorce that are not. I hope you stick around to meet them. Look for DAB and DAD and ImDealing and TheRule...they rock it out.
Kat, hang tough. Sending support, L~
I too talked to my H's OW. However, my contact came after he killed himself. I hope you never find out how bad it hurts to HEAR another woman say they love your spouse... I wanted to reach out and choke the living sh*t outta her! However, I have a 13 year old boy to raise on my own now, so I restrained my self... Luckily, you're not married to this slimeball so cut your losses and be thankful you found out earlier rather than later...
When he got home he barely talked, I was looking at him and tears started to flow. He asked me what was wrong, I said what do you think is wrong--I have no f'in idea katherine!
I know
what do you think you know
I know about michelle, i know about the road trip to buck creek, I know that you wanted to sleep in her arms but she said she had to be up at 4 and you should go, I know you told her you were single till you had to stop in mid stroke to ask her what was wrong, then you admitted i exist and told her you never wanted to be with me again...
(huffs and shakes his head in a pissed off manner)...
I can see by your anger that you blame me, it is my fault this happened? I wasnt good enough, I wasnt what you wanted?
Was I ever good enough for you Katherine, was I ever what you wanted?
Don't turn this on me! I wasnt the one looking for something else! I'm not on Plenty of fish and other sites listed as single! YOU were enough YOU were what I wanted!
I'm not on Plenty of fish!
Bullshit, Thats how you met Michelle!
I'm not on plenty of fish!
What because you deleted your profile the other day? You were on plenty of fish the whole time you were with me! MR> Oldscat455!!
(huffs in anger again)
I know she is not the only one you have been chasing! She is not the only one I have talked to (I lied, but it is obvious she would not be the only one over 2 years)...
Do you know how unimportant this makes me feel, How unloved??
When was I important to you Katherine? When did you love me Katherine?
OK then your right this is my fault, I didnt love you enough, I didnt make you feel important!
That's not what i am saying!!
Then what the F are you trying to say?
(huffs in anger again)
Do you have any idea what this has done? I sat here and watched you lie to my face repeatedly! Did you think of my feeling when you were calling or texting? Did you feel any guilt when you lied to me??
No...
Nice, so how can you say you love me?
I do love you Katherine!
You do this behind my back, you go looking and chase other women, you cause pain and lie to me about what we have, then you sit here and deny my right to my pain and get mad at ME over it?? You know how stress affects me and what has your lies and deception have done to me since we have been together, endless stress, how can you call that love?
Oh so now that was my whole plan, lie to you, cheat on you play head games and kill you!! NICE!!
(my turn to huff)
Didn't get much accomplished, he still hasnt really admitted that he has been looking. Everything I say he turns on me, like...oh so you arent looking? Then he denies even looking and I mention these chicks are not contacting him he makes the first move...then he stops talking...
I had said mean things like "something you dont know about Michelle is she would of been more interested if we came to her as a couple, you could of had your hook up quicker and it would of been funner but you blew that one (she told me to say that). Is it terrible I wanted to see pain in his eyes, all I saw was shock...
He doesnt seem to see the pain, or he just denies it well.
I tried to explain to him that I love him and if I didnt I wouldnt bother talking...
Basically all that was accomplished was he now knows I know he went to her...
Its like he wants me to admit what I know so he can explain...He doesnt want to tell all...
If i say cant you see what this is doing to us, I'm asked why I cant see what my anger is doing to us...Geezzz, I get mad about sexting, deleted callers, deleted texts, computer sneakiness and such, now he had to cheat because of my anger about him trying to??
Seems we did alot of talking in circles.
He slept up at the motor home with me last night (No sex, it was hard having him even touch me but in the same breath in his arms was the only place I wanted to be?!?)
This morning before he left for work he gave me a hug and asked if we could start at this spot when he came home, asked if I could please be here (I said in anger last night that I was going to go out tonight and I might not be back til morning)...
I just said maybe...
I dont want to fall into a rut where nothing is cleared and he just begins to think it is all ok...
I think I will write a letter today...
seems it may be the only way I can say what I want without his smart-ass comments as a response interrupting me...
Damn this is alot of effort for what?
Because I was committed to a false-reality of a relationship?
Is the bottom line going to be I have corrections to make in me so he wont feel the need to look? Some of his responses seem to shift the blame.
Are my feeling just going to be brushed aside?
He had asked me before why I love him...seemed like a stupid question at the time, and I had answers...
But now when I ask myself the same question, it doesn't seem stupid...
But the answers I gave before do...
Chris, I agree. Know that.
This guy is only pissed off because you busted him. Because you just didn't fall for his lines and say, 'Oh...o.k.' His reasons didnt make sense so you checked them out and found him to be untruthful. That, my friend, is what pissed him off. You busted his little bubble.
You cut half way. Now it's time to finish.
Do not fall for hoovering. Do not fall for crazy making. Do not fall for blame shifting.
Remember what you know and how he went behind your back. That person? That is the real person that you have to deal with. Don't fall for this fake person in front of you.
Be well...L~