Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I know this is really long , I was gonna post to journal and then topic it asking for advice but to heck with that, please read what you can and adviseI am at a loss and need advice asap
Ok, something has been going on with my boyfriend of 2 years lately...(Who am I kiddinglately)
We have been dating for 2 years and living together for just over 1 1/2yrs.
At the beginning he was working as a tow truck driver, there would be a lot of time between calls where he had time to kill, or he could create long breaks, his work hours were long and unknown
Shortly after he moved in I found naughty texts on his phone to a few different women
Hey sexy, what are you up to today
Can I nibble your nipples
Youre a hottie, I want to lick you til you quiver.
What are you up to for lunch I am bored?
Texts to this effect
I confronted him and at first he denied it, then I showed him they were there and I had seen themit was nothing, that is just the way he talks to these girls that are old friends. I explained it wasnt right it hurt me and it needed to stop
Within a couple months one night when he came home from work there were about 40 texts deleted (20 incoming and 20 outgoing). I said wtf? At first he denied it. He texted no one nothing is there to see. Then I pointed out lists on the phone, it holds 100 incoming texts, 50 outgoing, and 60 voice calls, when a new comes in the last on the lists is deleted, so the amount in the lists stays the same. He tried outright denial, then he says it was nothing, just texts. So then why delete? I became persistant and he says eventuallyhe deleted because it was none of my businessYeah I didnt like that too much!
About 4 months after he moved in I was schedualed for brain surgery (aneurysm clipping). About a week after surgery I found texts on his phone from the day of surgery, shortly after I went to the operating room he was at a mall parking lot miles away (stated in the texts) texting chicks calling them sexy and asking what they were up toto this day he states it was nothing and he was worried and just wanted to not be alone (yadda-yadda)
He has always been secretive about the internet, and seems to log on once I am out of the room. He logs in on his phone to msn or facebook when he goes to the bathroom (I havent caught him at this for some time but all the same) and would spend over half hour in there till I knockedapparently he was playing games on the phoneWhen confronted about me seeing him online cause I logged in, then he was just checking e-mail
He has been secretive about MSN and facebook etc going on when i am not around. In fact he will not even log into MSN with me around (contact list of over 300, hook-ups from before we met). With facebook (friends-150-90% female) and e-mail, he will open the window when I am not around, if I get up to get a coffee etc ( I think he has to make sure nothing incriminating shows before he will let me see), then when I get back it is open
YES, in case you are wondering I have trust issues to start withI figure if I cant trust you then we have an issue! I just dont have time for dishonesty and betrayal. I still have another brain surgery to come (2 more aneurysms on the other side) and I want to fill my life with happiness and answers, not sadness and questions. Evan knew straight up honesty was the BIGGEST thing to me! I have been ready to walk a couple times because of it.
A little over a month ago he was being an ass right from when he got home, (he now works at a heavy equipment wreakers with his Dad so I am not AS worried when he is at work, but still am). Mad I spent $20 on an air mattress for the motorhome, ignoring me or being snappy all night. Finally I snapped and said You are acting like you dont even want me around, maybe I should just go to the motorhome to renovate and crash there. His responsewhat fin ever, and he got into bed. So I took my pillow and left. (in the country-about 2 block walk to shop and motorhome).
Next afternoon, he comes to the motorhome and life goes on. But about 5 days later something possesses me to check his computer history. Turns out about 5 minutes after I left to the motorhome he was onlineKijiji classified casual encounters and singles ads. Facebook (inbox, and girls profiles), hotmail and windows live private messages. (I had previously made a fake profile with a pic of a pretty woman, added him and asked for a hook-up in a private message, he deleted the message quickly cause I was in the room, so I had sent a second later saying sorry I had bothered him, I just thought his pic was hot and would like to meet) He had received this second message this night and added Carey to his contact list.
I sit on this a bit, but of course the things going on in my head
Finally I talk and say I dont think he wants a relationship as he is still looking. He insists he isnt. I bring up going online as soon as I turn my back. Not true. I mention the motorhome night. Didnt go on. I say I have proof. Didnt go on. I start listing what he did online. K went on to check e-mail. I call B-S, mention casual encounters. Well what was he supposed to do, I left to the motorhomeAs far as that got.
So give it a couple days, He comes home Friday from work, again I catch him going through my phone. He goes to bed so I go through his. 4 deleted calls.
Next day I tried to find out what was up and was civil, of course, deny all...called no one deleted nothing...
I try to have a heart to heart and say that if he has to hide things something is up, I NEED honesty, so if he wants an open relationship speak up...Nope, only wants me I am his life, loves only me, not looking for anything else...called no one and doesnt know how his phone went from a 60 caller list to 56. This has to be BS as you have to press certain buttons in a certain order to delete a call, maybe by accident once but 4 times in a row?
I know he still gets e-mails from singles/online dating sites.
He once used his exs knowing his passwords and signing into MSN as him as an excuse as why I see him online in the dayeveryone knows all my passwords are******! I remembered the password and started to snoop, I have been in his e-mail and facebook, he was arranging hook-ups right before moving in, had been messaging sexy contacts on facebook to meet up for a drink. He still adds contacts on MSN regularily.
I received nothing but lies in regards to the deleted callers, So I say I want to go stay at a girlfriends and we can talk when he is ready...I NEED honesty and if he will not offer it maybe this will not work I say. He drops me off in the city at my friends Saturday afternoon.
Sunday morning I text saying if he is ready to talk honestly, he knows where to reach me, if not, I will take it as a sign no responseSunday night I text can you call me please or say something nothing, no response. Couple hours later I call no answer, try again in a while, nothing, leave a message to call, no response. Then a text saying he loves me what else can he say. Sorry he is watching a movie at his friends. K you are obviously busy I will talk to you later. No No! (what-fin-ever).
He cant live without me, I am his life, He spent all Saturday and Sunday at Brents pouting, then went to Brads and watched a movie, then straight home and cant stand to be there without me.
Anyways, Wedneday we decide we will work on it and be honest, he finally comes to get me after many delays and phone calls to his buddies before he can leave.
Thursday during the day I found a McDonalds receipt on the floor for 11:30pm Sunday, (brad lives by us in the country, this McDs is 25 minutes away, proving he had not been at Brads and gone straight home) I say nothing. When he fell asleep I was harassed by his phone on the nightstand, it kept calling me. I went through the callers list and he had been calling all his friends.
BIG FIND- turns out at 10:48 am Sunday he took a picture of his cock and sent it to a 403 area code (our province has 780/north and 403/south-we are 780 but central). Then at 12:56pm he sent a picture of his face (taken in his truck-hmm not at Brents) to the same number. Then the face shot was sent to a hotmail e-mail an hour later.
I start to cry and shake, I dont want to freak I love him and dont want to fight. But I cant stand it. I wake him and calmly tell him what I have found. You know what? he says You gotta stop going through my phone Nothing happened he insists. Who are they? Girls I talked to online. WTF? It was nothing he insists.
Next Day he is at work. I am thinking since we have to go to town right after work (payday) I will put on something kinky under my clothes and tell him what I am wearing on the way to town. Try to spice it up a bit, remind him we have fun too. Try to out-do whatever has his interest onlineGoing crazy trying on multiple outfits, doing hair, make-up, all must be perfect
Here-we-go!
BIG FIND---
In the dirty clothes pile, a receipt from a truck stop, dated Sunday, 2 bottles motor oil, an Alberta road map and condoms
Here I stand wearing a rhinestone covered teddy and stockings trying to find clothes to hide it under, feeling sexy and flirty---and BAMMI am balling and feeling like the biggest fool in the whole province!
While I was staying at my friends, he had said in small talk I bought us a new map babe WTF? You drove tow truck we are up to our nipples in maps. Sorry babe impulse buy, its a nice big fold out one and I was thinking we could use it What a fool I was, he tries to make it sound like he bought it for us!! I didnt get laid because of it! I want a refund!!
He had also used a full tank of gas, filled Saturday when he dropped me off, and had to put a jerry can in to make it to work Monday.
Pieces seem to fit here
I dont freak, he gets home and I say I just will stay home as he goes to town, everything is going wrong today and I am not ready. He insists I come, I look beautiful as I am, he doesnt want to be anywhere without me. I give in and throw on clothes and go. On the way home I break down and tell him I need honesty. What happened while I was gone. He went through the speal, Brents Brads home yadda yaddaI say start over and be honest, tell me everything and all stops. Same story. OK start over and realize you do not know what all I know, so be honest. you tell me what you think you found out first screw that I respond. I told you everything he says. Ok then what about Mcdonalds, ok so what I went back to the city after brads and got food, nothing else. What did you buy when you got the map? Motor oil. And thats it? Yeah. What about the condoms? Then he was getting mad. Fight fight-he never used them-didnt know why he bought them- threw them out the window on the highway to work( even went as far as to drive to where he threw them to find them and prove it)
Bottom line I told him I want honesty againHe insists nothing happened and he drove around the city all day til he went home(12 hours) tried to even stick to being at brents all day (but the face pic proves he was gone by 1pm at the latest, so then he switched to driving the city all day)
Side note-he insistes his biggest problem is I wont believe he loves me and wants to be with only me. I dont believe him when he calls me sexy or beautiful. I always think he wants something elseSee my side---he calls all these chicks hottie, sexy, beautiful, what can these words mean to me now? He is calling these girls this, how can he want only me then? Am I not to think I am not enough or dont measure up? How can I believe he loves me???
QUESTIONSPlease answer
AM I CRAZY? Do you see the BS I see or am I alone and over reacting?
Could what he says be true?
Likelihood of throwing the condoms out the window and skipping the road trip?
I have the 403 phone number he sent the nude to, and most likely went on a road trip to see and use condoms with. I want to call her and nicely talk to her about what went on. I do not at all blame her, she most likely doesnt know I exist!! She may be the only one I can get an answer from, and YES I want the answer---Is it wrong for me to call? Any advice on what to say? Should I call from his phone-(he is leaving it at home when he goes to work) or call from mine to see what she says or texts to him after?
I also have the hotmail from his sent list added to my contacts-any advice on what to say?
Is there anyway to work this out?
Can I make him see my side?
Could he ever be honest?
What is up with the MSN facebook and internet (by the way on FB since sat, he has posted things that have been deleted(that his hook-ups have commented on) brent posted a vid on his wall that has been deleted- and he tried to change his password-I changed it back-lol)
I want to get to the truth and give him one last chance to come cleanis that a retarded plan?
I love him (he keeps asking if I hate him now, I am here trying to work it out and not gone right?)
Opinions? Male and female? OW or Wife? Anyone???
I need direction and I need it quick
I want to call her
Input please?
What would you do??
Ok, something has been going on with my boyfriend of 2 years lately...(Who am I kiddinglately)
We have been dating for 2 years and living together for just over 1 1/2yrs.
At the beginning he was working as a tow truck driver, there would be a lot of time between calls where he had time to kill, or he could create long breaks, his work hours were long and unknown
Shortly after he moved in I found naughty texts on his phone to a few different women
Hey sexy, what are you up to today
Can I nibble your nipples
Youre a hottie, I want to lick you til you quiver.
What are you up to for lunch I am bored?
Texts to this effect
I confronted him and at first he denied it, then I showed him they were there and I had seen themit was nothing, that is just the way he talks to these girls that are old friends. I explained it wasnt right it hurt me and it needed to stop
Within a couple months one night when he came home from work there were about 40 texts deleted (20 incoming and 20 outgoing). I said wtf? At first he denied it. He texted no one nothing is there to see. Then I pointed out lists on the phone, it holds 100 incoming texts, 50 outgoing, and 60 voice calls, when a new comes in the last on the lists is deleted, so the amount in the lists stays the same. He tried outright denial, then he says it was nothing, just texts. So then why delete? I became persistant and he says eventuallyhe deleted because it was none of my businessYeah I didnt like that too much!
About 4 months after he moved in I was schedualed for brain surgery (aneurysm clipping). About a week after surgery I found texts on his phone from the day of surgery, shortly after I went to the operating room he was at a mall parking lot miles away (stated in the texts) texting chicks calling them sexy and asking what they were up toto this day he states it was nothing and he was worried and just wanted to not be alone (yadda-yadda)
He has always been secretive about the internet, and seems to log on once I am out of the room. He logs in on his phone to msn or facebook when he goes to the bathroom (I havent caught him at this for some time but all the same) and would spend over half hour in there till I knockedapparently he was playing games on the phoneWhen confronted about me seeing him online cause I logged in, then he was just checking e-mail
He has been secretive about MSN and facebook etc going on when i am not around. In fact he will not even log into MSN with me around (contact list of over 300, hook-ups from before we met). With facebook (friends-150-90% female) and e-mail, he will open the window when I am not around, if I get up to get a coffee etc ( I think he has to make sure nothing incriminating shows before he will let me see), then when I get back it is open
YES, in case you are wondering I have trust issues to start withI figure if I cant trust you then we have an issue! I just dont have time for dishonesty and betrayal. I still have another brain surgery to come (2 more aneurysms on the other side) and I want to fill my life with happiness and answers, not sadness and questions. Evan knew straight up honesty was the BIGGEST thing to me! I have been ready to walk a couple times because of it.
A little over a month ago he was being an ass right from when he got home, (he now works at a heavy equipment wreakers with his Dad so I am not AS worried when he is at work, but still am). Mad I spent $20 on an air mattress for the motorhome, ignoring me or being snappy all night. Finally I snapped and said You are acting like you dont even want me around, maybe I should just go to the motorhome to renovate and crash there. His responsewhat fin ever, and he got into bed. So I took my pillow and left. (in the country-about 2 block walk to shop and motorhome).
Next afternoon, he comes to the motorhome and life goes on. But about 5 days later something possesses me to check his computer history. Turns out about 5 minutes after I left to the motorhome he was onlineKijiji classified casual encounters and singles ads. Facebook (inbox, and girls profiles), hotmail and windows live private messages. (I had previously made a fake profile with a pic of a pretty woman, added him and asked for a hook-up in a private message, he deleted the message quickly cause I was in the room, so I had sent a second later saying sorry I had bothered him, I just thought his pic was hot and would like to meet) He had received this second message this night and added Carey to his contact list.
I sit on this a bit, but of course the things going on in my head
Finally I talk and say I dont think he wants a relationship as he is still looking. He insists he isnt. I bring up going online as soon as I turn my back. Not true. I mention the motorhome night. Didnt go on. I say I have proof. Didnt go on. I start listing what he did online. K went on to check e-mail. I call B-S, mention casual encounters. Well what was he supposed to do, I left to the motorhomeAs far as that got.
So give it a couple days, He comes home Friday from work, again I catch him going through my phone. He goes to bed so I go through his. 4 deleted calls.
Next day I tried to find out what was up and was civil, of course, deny all...called no one deleted nothing...
I try to have a heart to heart and say that if he has to hide things something is up, I NEED honesty, so if he wants an open relationship speak up...Nope, only wants me I am his life, loves only me, not looking for anything else...called no one and doesnt know how his phone went from a 60 caller list to 56. This has to be BS as you have to press certain buttons in a certain order to delete a call, maybe by accident once but 4 times in a row?
I know he still gets e-mails from singles/online dating sites.
He once used his exs knowing his passwords and signing into MSN as him as an excuse as why I see him online in the dayeveryone knows all my passwords are******! I remembered the password and started to snoop, I have been in his e-mail and facebook, he was arranging hook-ups right before moving in, had been messaging sexy contacts on facebook to meet up for a drink. He still adds contacts on MSN regularily.
I received nothing but lies in regards to the deleted callers, So I say I want to go stay at a girlfriends and we can talk when he is ready...I NEED honesty and if he will not offer it maybe this will not work I say. He drops me off in the city at my friends Saturday afternoon.
Sunday morning I text saying if he is ready to talk honestly, he knows where to reach me, if not, I will take it as a sign no responseSunday night I text can you call me please or say something nothing, no response. Couple hours later I call no answer, try again in a while, nothing, leave a message to call, no response. Then a text saying he loves me what else can he say. Sorry he is watching a movie at his friends. K you are obviously busy I will talk to you later. No No! (what-fin-ever).
He cant live without me, I am his life, He spent all Saturday and Sunday at Brents pouting, then went to Brads and watched a movie, then straight home and cant stand to be there without me.
Anyways, Wedneday we decide we will work on it and be honest, he finally comes to get me after many delays and phone calls to his buddies before he can leave.
Thursday during the day I found a McDonalds receipt on the floor for 11:30pm Sunday, (brad lives by us in the country, this McDs is 25 minutes away, proving he had not been at Brads and gone straight home) I say nothing. When he fell asleep I was harassed by his phone on the nightstand, it kept calling me. I went through the callers list and he had been calling all his friends.
BIG FIND- turns out at 10:48 am Sunday he took a picture of his cock and sent it to a 403 area code (our province has 780/north and 403/south-we are 780 but central). Then at 12:56pm he sent a picture of his face (taken in his truck-hmm not at Brents) to the same number. Then the face shot was sent to a hotmail e-mail an hour later.
I start to cry and shake, I dont want to freak I love him and dont want to fight. But I cant stand it. I wake him and calmly tell him what I have found. You know what? he says You gotta stop going through my phone Nothing happened he insists. Who are they? Girls I talked to online. WTF? It was nothing he insists.
Next Day he is at work. I am thinking since we have to go to town right after work (payday) I will put on something kinky under my clothes and tell him what I am wearing on the way to town. Try to spice it up a bit, remind him we have fun too. Try to out-do whatever has his interest onlineGoing crazy trying on multiple outfits, doing hair, make-up, all must be perfect
Here-we-go!
BIG FIND---
In the dirty clothes pile, a receipt from a truck stop, dated Sunday, 2 bottles motor oil, an Alberta road map and condoms
Here I stand wearing a rhinestone covered teddy and stockings trying to find clothes to hide it under, feeling sexy and flirty---and BAMMI am balling and feeling like the biggest fool in the whole province!
While I was staying at my friends, he had said in small talk I bought us a new map babe WTF? You drove tow truck we are up to our nipples in maps. Sorry babe impulse buy, its a nice big fold out one and I was thinking we could use it What a fool I was, he tries to make it sound like he bought it for us!! I didnt get laid because of it! I want a refund!!
He had also used a full tank of gas, filled Saturday when he dropped me off, and had to put a jerry can in to make it to work Monday.
Pieces seem to fit here
I dont freak, he gets home and I say I just will stay home as he goes to town, everything is going wrong today and I am not ready. He insists I come, I look beautiful as I am, he doesnt want to be anywhere without me. I give in and throw on clothes and go. On the way home I break down and tell him I need honesty. What happened while I was gone. He went through the speal, Brents Brads home yadda yaddaI say start over and be honest, tell me everything and all stops. Same story. OK start over and realize you do not know what all I know, so be honest. you tell me what you think you found out first screw that I respond. I told you everything he says. Ok then what about Mcdonalds, ok so what I went back to the city after brads and got food, nothing else. What did you buy when you got the map? Motor oil. And thats it? Yeah. What about the condoms? Then he was getting mad. Fight fight-he never used them-didnt know why he bought them- threw them out the window on the highway to work( even went as far as to drive to where he threw them to find them and prove it)
Bottom line I told him I want honesty againHe insists nothing happened and he drove around the city all day til he went home(12 hours) tried to even stick to being at brents all day (but the face pic proves he was gone by 1pm at the latest, so then he switched to driving the city all day)
Side note-he insistes his biggest problem is I wont believe he loves me and wants to be with only me. I dont believe him when he calls me sexy or beautiful. I always think he wants something elseSee my side---he calls all these chicks hottie, sexy, beautiful, what can these words mean to me now? He is calling these girls this, how can he want only me then? Am I not to think I am not enough or dont measure up? How can I believe he loves me???
QUESTIONSPlease answer
AM I CRAZY? Do you see the BS I see or am I alone and over reacting?
Could what he says be true?
Likelihood of throwing the condoms out the window and skipping the road trip?
I have the 403 phone number he sent the nude to, and most likely went on a road trip to see and use condoms with. I want to call her and nicely talk to her about what went on. I do not at all blame her, she most likely doesnt know I exist!! She may be the only one I can get an answer from, and YES I want the answer---Is it wrong for me to call? Any advice on what to say? Should I call from his phone-(he is leaving it at home when he goes to work) or call from mine to see what she says or texts to him after?
I also have the hotmail from his sent list added to my contacts-any advice on what to say?
Is there anyway to work this out?
Can I make him see my side?
Could he ever be honest?
What is up with the MSN facebook and internet (by the way on FB since sat, he has posted things that have been deleted(that his hook-ups have commented on) brent posted a vid on his wall that has been deleted- and he tried to change his password-I changed it back-lol)
I want to get to the truth and give him one last chance to come cleanis that a retarded plan?
I love him (he keeps asking if I hate him now, I am here trying to work it out and not gone right?)
Opinions? Male and female? OW or Wife? Anyone???
I need direction and I need it quick
I want to call her
Input please?
What would you do??
Full tank to empty tank + Map + condoms + cock shots = One night stand...
Cut him loose make every effort to improve your life and live it to its fullest. You will never do that with him. Lifes to short for this kind of disrespect. Sorry
I tried the 'one last chance' plan to come clean. It never worked, it never does work, it never will work.
Your plan should be to end this train wreck and move on with your life.
He insists nothing happened with the girl he sent the nude to. I dont really believe it though I really would like it to be true.
I want to call her, if nothing did happen it may change my opinion on him trying to be honest...if something did happen and he is lieing, well then I know how honest he is trying to be...
would it be wrong for me to call?
Makes it real hard to make something of 'us'...
Is there anyway to get through this...??
Something i can say or do to get honesty and move through it?
How do I make him understand how it is affecting me and our relationship?
How can I express what needs to be done for us to be without making him defensive and angry??
He needs to fess up. Its more of a problem that he is hiding things than it is whether or not you trust him. Of course you don;t trust him, he's sneaking around.
Call him on his sh*t and then if he doesn't come clean, you should either leave or tell him to pack his stuff and go. Life's too short to let someone walk all over you like that.
You ask for honesty once. Only once. If you don't get it, you walk.
You ask for respect and what you need once and only once. If you don't get it, you walk.
His texting this shit to these girls is out of line and disrespectful to you.
How many times are you going to ask for honesty and respect? You aren't getting it. Stop wasting your time and move on.
Sending support, L~
Why can't you see there is no relationship? You are a convenience to him. That's all. I can see that you are trying to not read the words of everyone here. But we've been where you are, this is not fixable. You cannot make him choose you. But you can choose to put yourself first and leave this man in the dust.
I've used this quote and seen it here often and you need to hear it the most out of anyone on here:
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
This reply may be long so bare with me. If there was every anyone that came on this board that sounded like they were being put through at one time what I had been put through with all the drama and craziness that falls out of the cheaters mouth; it is you.
There has to be a time in your life when you say: "Your membership to the-that-never-happened club" has expired, Brent. This man is keeping you in tow, and keeping you with him on the basis of lies. And you are willing to perhaps stay with him if you can gain an ounce of honesty from this man. You are doing EXACTLY what I was doing and I will tell you why I was doing that: You are truth seeking, and you want it at whatever cost you can get. The outcome doesn't matter so much to you as the point blank honesty does.
For me? I was degraded into feeling like a pile of nothingness all for the sake of loving the man I was with. I was where you were- even down to putting on sexy outfits just to have something degrading terribly go wrong. I wanted SOMETHING that made ME stand out from all the others. I needed ANYTHING that proved that in some remote way, he loved me as much as I loved him- and honesty? Honesty would have been that. In the end, he wasn't worth the brain effort I put into him.
Having said what I did: Please know that you are keeping this guy around for the same exact reason I did: Hoping to see some common decency shred within him that says "hey guess what babe, I do love you". But you aren't looking at WHAT is going on. WHAT has been happening, and WHAT you need to do about it. I skipped over ALL of those myself in some wild attempt to keep the man I loved. I didn't stop to focus on what I was going through, and what the relationship really was.
I am not trying to be harsh, but let me put this as best I can.
You have a health problem. You were going through surgery and your man was out contacting other women. His excuse that he didn't want to be alone was a crock of shit. You know that and I know that. Oddly, I myself was left laying alone on the bed crying out that I KNEW my ex was cheating on me and I was suffering and still suffer a neurological disease. HELLO ME? Hello you? That is pretty low.
This has been going on for two years. The chances of it stopping is slim to none. Honey, some men lie for the sake of lying. With my ex, I didn't JUST realize that he was lying to me about women, he was lying to me about little things such as where he was for lunch, etc. So your MCDonalds story also strikes a cord with me. My ex could have kicked a yellow ball into the yard and I could have watched him do it. IF I ASKED him about it, he would say "no, no I did NOT kick a yellow ball into the yard". He crazy made me for years ( please look up the term crazy maker/crazy making and ABUSE).
Your boyfriend is making you question your reality. Its working.
He is making you question your judgment. That is working.
He is making you question your SANITY, and that is also working. He is CRAZY making you. He wants the benefit of a relationship but he does not want to participate in one. Not with you, and not with anyone else. This is who he IS.
Look at what you have. Look at the relationship. Stop looking that elusiveness you want that makes YOU feel relieved knowing you haven't wasted time and love on this man and that he really does care for you, ie . him telling you the truth. Look at what you have!
You have a man that cheats on you and has been cheating on you the entire relationship, even when you are having BRAIN surgery. for gods sakes, ad a kid to the mix- that wouldn't stop him either. Hell, he might call up a "hottie" while you are in labor and I really wouldn't put it past him.
Anyone that wants a relationship plays the part of being IN the relationship. Its not that he doesn't WANT a relationship with YOU, its just that the only person that can POSSIBLY have a relationship with him that lives up to HIS standards IS HIM. Do you see what I mean? I mean if you dare question him on HIS relationship abilities, then YOU are the one that is crazy, and HE is the one that gets mad!
In the VERY least this man is a crazy maker/abuser. In the most, he is a narcissist. For a FACT, he does not love, respect nor care for you. You do not DO this to someone that you love. YOU KNOW this and at one time I knew it as well. I just ignored it. I kept searching for something that was never there. He painted a portrait of himself back in the time and thats all it ever was. I had to spray the paint off the portrait and put it all down the drain.
Please please please stop wasting your time on this man. You are going to find yourself very soon to be a small shell of the former self you used to be; with absolutely no self esteem or hope left in your life for anything.
Make arrangements. Get out. Don't take him back.
No decent man sends pictures to people of his private parts via text message If nothing was going on and these were just platonic acquaintances they'd probably cut off all contact with him and call the cops. You have to be pretty intimate with a woman (or she has to be more than a little off) for her not to be scared out of her mind to get a photo like that from someone that she just talks to online.
Whether or not he's had intercourse with any or all of these women, he doesn't treat you with an ounce of respect. Cut off all contact with him for your own sanity. Who cares if he comes clean, even if he does come clean, a person like this will continue to cheat and put you at risk for lord knows what kind of diseases.
I'm sorry if this is harsh and judgemental, but your post really freaked me out. And you've only been together for two years, if he is doing all of this in a relatively new relationship, Lord knows what he'll be doing a decade from now. Kids from other women popping up out of the blue? STD's? Crazy women showing up on your doorstep threatening you?