Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have been married for over 21 years, we have 2 boys ages 14 & 19. My marriage has never been really strong and has been a lot of work to keep on track. My husband is very high strung and insecure. He actually was finally diagnosed with ADHD today and was prescribed meds at age 44. When our oldest was 10 mos old he admitted to me that he had 'made out' with our next door neighbor. I am not sure if he would have told me if her fiance had not approached him at work about it. They got married and moved away, I was upset, but figured it was just kissing and I had been busy with the new baby and was ignoring him, so I forgave him. Fast forward to 18 years later. We have not been very close for some time now but we have had a lot of stress factors but I have felt that something was really off for a while now. We got into a fight a couple of weeks ago and I just threw out there that I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating on me. At this point,l had nothing to base that accusation on. he just kept asking me if I really thought I was cheating on him and that he would never do that. Sunday night he went to get a haircut, he left his cell phone on the end table, I picked it up and went through his emails. most of it was just ads and bs work stuff but I did find a text from him to a woman asking why she wasn't returning his calls, she replies back that he keeps calling when she is not available and adds and LOL! This is the woman that I met at the gym 9 years ago and she was our youngest son's first little league coach. We used to hang out with her and her husband and kids on occasion. We haven't had much contact with her since and I have no idea why my husband would be in contact with her. i do remember that I felt she had a thing for my husband way back when but just shrugged it off. When my husband gets home from his hair cut he notices someone has been on his phone so I own up to it and ask why he is emailing her. he immediately goes into Mr. Nice Guy mode and says he ran into her a couple of months ago and she is getting divorced and starting a new real estate management business and he was talking to her about his boss's property he owned and needed managing. He says he is sorry and he should have mentioned it to me. My husband tells me everything! Even if I don't want to hear it or am not interested. If he runs into anyone like this, it would not be in his character to not tell me. Normally my husband would freak out over me getting into his phone like that, I mean he would go on and on about it, but instead he has been so nice to me. This is totally out of character for him as he is usually a total ass to me and the kids. Okay, not all of the time but enough for boys to mention it now that they are older. Of course when I ask him accusingly about this email he is making excuses and assuring me that there is nothing there and he would never do that to me. I don't know if I am just subconscious because of the fact that our marriage hasn't been great and I just assume that he's doing this or if I should follow this gut feeling. I mean, he's done it before. The sad thing is the cheating really wouldn't bother me as much as the lying. It would give me a reason to leave to pursue a happier life but I really don't want my kids to grow up in a single parent household. I think he would make it hell if I left as well. he makes a lot more money than I do and we have a lot of debt. I am going to talk this over with my therapist tomorrow, haven't seen him since June. Am I being naive here? has anyone gone through a similar situation where they thought they were crazy for thinking this even though there are tell tale signs.
Hundreds (thousands) of us on this board who have confirmed infidelity will tell you that:
1. They had a gut feeling
2. They wish they had listened to the gut instead of doubting it and trying to talk themselves out of it.
That gut feeling is your subconscious putting together subtle clues and coming to a decision that your conscious mind might now be ready to accept.
Except now you have proof something is going on.
Do not confront or question right now. He will simply lie and hide better. Gather proof if that is what you want.
Fishy as hell.
Listen to your gut. Many of us have and we regretted it.
L~
And if you have access to the phone bill, see how many times her number appears on the bill. That will give you a good idea how much he is really talking with her. If it really is what he is saying, it should only be a few text/calls here and there. Usually if there is more going on than he's let on, you'll see her number frequently everyday. Which if nothing else, would indicate an emotional affair.
Also, if you gain access to his phone and it is a smart phone, which may be harder now, you can install spyware on it that will enable you to track where he's at, record his conversations/text, and allow you to listen in at any point via his microphone.
And if you know where she lives, and it is reasonably close, when he's gone for stated reasons, it wouldn't hurt to drive by her house occasionally to see if his car is there.
But be prepared. You may find out more than you want to know. More details than you want to know. The last thing I expected to find out was my wife was cheating on me, but that's what I discovered, along with some details. I had thought maybe she was involved in some sex chats at most. But I was in for a shocker.