Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
A few months ago I had asked my husband if he was having an affair with this woman he works with. He became very angry with me and said they were just friends. Keep in mind I have met this woman and have been to many events that she has also attended. We yalked and were friendly with each other. So moving forward. We got over me asking him if he was having an affair. I felt like our marriage had strengthened. This past weekend he went camping with some buddies of his. I was off work amd taking care of our children. My daughter had a birthday party to go to about an hour from home, I deove her there and tried to find something to do while she was there. Well a couple miles from where the party was there were stock car races. I figured what the heck its something to do, even if if I am not a huge fan of it. I had been sitting there for about an hour and a half when I see my husband walk down the bleachers. And I'm thinking what are the odds that the guys came here. Then I see this woman he works with following him. I followed them out to the restroom and waited. When my husband came out I looked at him and said we need to talk now. I confronted him, he did not lie to me. I had to walk away, I was so angry I was worried I would do something I would reget. So after we are both home we decided to go for a drove and talk. He was honest about the affair. Said it started shortly after I accused him. And says he does not love her but isn't sure that he wants to stay with me. He says that he needs to know if there is someone else out there for him. So a week layer we are aitting in limbo while he decides what he wants. I am so confused and hurt not sure where to go from here. We have been married for almost 19 years we have 5 children and 1 grandchild. I lobe him so much still.
My best advice in your situation, would be to tell him to pack his bags and leave, since he is undecided as to what to do. If he said that he needs to know if there's someone else out there for him, let him go and find out, because only an uncaring asshole says that to their loyal wife, after 19 years of marriage. Does he expect you to sit there jauntily sipping tea waiting for his decision?
It's okay to admit to yourself that maybe on that day, you did sort of go to the stock car races, to have a look, just in case. Your gut was probably leading you there, because you've known for some time that he's been cheating, only you didn't have the evidence. You have every right to know where and what your cheating husband is up to. Never feel like you can't exercise your right to pry and snoop at any time you so wish it. Your marriage should be an open book, completely transparent with no hidden anything, including passwords on digital devices. He outright lied to you about going with the guys and I wonder how many other times he's lied like this over the 19 years you've been together. Your husband is up to much more than you imagine, and the only way you're going to find out, is if you put your detective hat on and go looking for it, just the way you did at the stock car races that day.
Go and see a lawyer pronto. Most offer a free half hour consultation. Find out what your rights and legalities are. This is not a time to be lenient with your cheating husband, this is a time to protect yourself. It's time to wake up and smell the burnt toast, and I mean this wholeheartedly, from a BS's point of view. Don't let yourself fall into the self-pity trap. What he did has nothing to do with you. He didn't cheat because of you, many CS's say that to shift the blame, because they're too cowardly to take responsibility. He cheated because he lacks something profound in his life. You are a wonderful human being and you don't deserve what he has done to you.
If you believe him and allow this to be swept under the rug, you'll be revisiting it again, and possibly with another AP, down the road. Cheaters need to be confronted and told how you are going to proceed, and what your boundaries are going forward. In many cases, they need to be outed to their family, friends and workplace when they don't behave. Telling you that he needs more time to see if there's someone else out there for him, is misbehaving, and not acceptable.
When a spouse has an affair with a coworker, the only remedy to stop you from triggering for the next number of years, is for the CS to change that place of work. For as long as they work together, you will trigger, and triggers don't allow a grieving spouse to heal. They knock you down and send you back. They damage your self-esteem, your sense of right and wrong, your beliefs, your sense of justice, and robs you of your right to feel true joy. Triggers change who you are: You can go from being a robust, caring, loving and enlightened individual, to a downtrodden, disgraced and empty shell of a person. The CS is clueless to the devastation caused, and clearly evident by asking for time to make up their mind.
If you were to contact the human resources office at his place of work and tell them that your H is having an affair with a coworker, they will more than likely intervene, especially if you mention that you're going to see a lawyer. The more you allow him to get away with, the more damage you will likely do to yourself. You have been a devoted wife, mother, grandmother, chef, companion, and a loyal ally. Take care of that person first, and you will come out ahead of this. When you confront someone and tell them that you will not put up with it, you stop being the victim, and this is very important to establish soon after discovery.
I'm wishing you well.
I would add that you need to check your fiances, set money aside as soon as you can, and get to that lawyer as fast as your legs will carry you.
It is a very painful and heart wrenching experience. Therapy helps but only if both parties are completely honest. I truly hope everything works out for you.