Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
This is my first post, so forgive me if it is long-winded... I found out two months and 22 days ago that my wife had an EA with another man, that also involved sexual conduct over the internet... I found out when I ran across a chat log an nude pictures of him on her computer, and I feel like my life has ended. Worse, she had planned on meeting him in person at a conference we both attended, paid for his room, etc. We actually ended up avoiding that meeting by chance, as I had some severe work related stress and she stayed with me the whole time, but I can't get the what-if's out of my mind...
Worse, she lied to me about some small details of the affair, and didn't admit them until she was caught in the lie. That just ruined my trust further, and now I don't know what to believe. Adding insult to injury, we work together, and everything at work triggers memories of the affair. I have gone from being successful to being a nervous wreck all day.
I am suffering from PTSD (diagnosed by two professionals) due to childhood abuse that was triggered by the affair. I am deeply depressed, and most days feel like my life has been forever altered. Many times I pray for a quiet death. I want to leave her for hurting me so bad, and yet I love her and want to forgive. I feel alone and misunderstood... My mother left me on my father's treelawn with all of my clothes in garbage bags when I was 16, and my father is wrapped up in his own problems and invalidates my emotions whenever I try to discuss it with him... I have no one else, and I have no idea how to keep moving ahead. My wife is very understanding, but how can I feel truly safe with someone who out of selfishness destroyed my entire world?
Worse, she lied to me about some small details of the affair, and didn't admit them until she was caught in the lie. That just ruined my trust further, and now I don't know what to believe. Adding insult to injury, we work together, and everything at work triggers memories of the affair. I have gone from being successful to being a nervous wreck all day.
I am suffering from PTSD (diagnosed by two professionals) due to childhood abuse that was triggered by the affair. I am deeply depressed, and most days feel like my life has been forever altered. Many times I pray for a quiet death. I want to leave her for hurting me so bad, and yet I love her and want to forgive. I feel alone and misunderstood... My mother left me on my father's treelawn with all of my clothes in garbage bags when I was 16, and my father is wrapped up in his own problems and invalidates my emotions whenever I try to discuss it with him... I have no one else, and I have no idea how to keep moving ahead. My wife is very understanding, but how can I feel truly safe with someone who out of selfishness destroyed my entire world?
I have to say that your situation sounds a little like mine. My H had many many EAs over many years and it's hurt me so badly (I've caught him twice doing this over 3 years) that I'm not sure I can get over it this time. I was abused as a child too and this betrayal of my H's has caused me to have flashbacks and mix reactions, like I was mixing my reactions to my H with the reactions I had to my old abuser. (Like jumping or cringing when my H touches me, etc) Crazy! But it helped talking about these feelings with our counselor and with my H. It helped to just get it OUT of myself.
I think what you are feeling is normal and being only 2-3 months out from D-Dday, you're still in the thick of all the emotions... the sadness, anger, doubt, numbness, etc...
Hang in there. Post your feelings here so you can get some feedback and help as you are going through this challenge. Email me anytime if you want to talk.
I think the worst is the numbness. Many times I feel no joy, happiness, or love, but I don't seem to be numb to the depression. I can't sleep at night, and when I do, it is filled with vivid nightmares of the affair, where it occurred, and so on. I am trying to find a new job post-haste, but doing so without a 50% pay cut is proving difficult. That just makes me resent her more for involving people at work. I just have no place I feel safe anymore.
I think often of leaving, but I do love my wife, and she is really all I have. Worse is the fear of whether the next person would just abuse me worse, or whether I will end up alone because my ability to trust another human being has been destroyed by everyone who was supposed to care about me my entire life.
Yes... I was working a lot trying to build a successful business. We weren't communicating... She was trying to support me, but the loneliness got the better of her, and a very nasty man came along who knew how to take advantage of her in that state. I don't condone what she did as it has more or less destroyed 10 years of blood, sweat, and tears, but I do understand how I contributed to the situation by being too involved in work to see the warning signs coming.
Stay with the counseling. It's needed.
She is not having any contact with the guy, is she?
Sending support, L~
It is nice to know I am not alone, and don't have to be alone.