I think we all get stuck on different stuff. Reading this now I'm hoping my H gets a big fat male nurse for his surgery on Monday. He's getting a vasectomy so everyone will be looking at his ....

My H had to have knee surgery right after we got married. At this point, things could not have been any better between the two of us. His "happy meds" were starting to kick in and he kept telling everyone in the room that we had just gotten married and I had to come to surgery with him because he loved me ... LOL. However, when the much older and much overweight nurse came into the room to prep my H, she exposed his "business" and kind of brushed it to the side in order to shave his thigh. I almost came UNGLUED when she touched his penis!!!! So, for me at least, it doesn't matter who it is or what they look like ... I don't want anyone seeing or touching my husband, for any reason ... especially not there!

The only time my H was exposed in the hospital was long before his A. It didn't bother me at all then. ( At the time I worked as a CNA, so I guess I was used to it) Now I'm not sure if it would bother me.

A few months ago my H got a shot in the hip. The nurse told him it was going to be in the butt. I muttered under my breath hip but my H dropped his pants and showed her both butt cheeks. It didn't really bother me. I thought it was kind of funny.

Kristen- I got to stay in the room when my H had his vasectomy. It was just me and this old fat male doctor. The nurse was the one who took him in the room and put a light over his junk but for the procedure it was just my h, myself and the dr.

It sounds like it's one of what a great number of triggers you'll experience along the way. I haven't had a problem with this specific issue (although my H had surgery that required a catheter), but there are definitely other situations when I observe him interacting with another woman, in an innocent situation, and it triggers a response in me (depression, panic, tears, anger) that is based on the betrayal, not what is actually going on.

thanks for the responses. I guess it is just so hard for me to let go of the fact that my H is no longer "JUST MINE". I had to deal with what I thought was an EA, then when the nurse thing happened, I was like "well, he gave his heart to someone else for awhile, and now the nurse got up close and personal with his junk ".

I know it may sound silly, and I do not think of my H as my property. Sometimes I have a hard time explaning things. I just hope everyone gets where I'm coming from!

Just another one of those things in life that we have to accept and cannot change. I hope I'm done learning these tough lessons for awhile, I'm tired!!

I just told my husband this afternoon that life is no longer "simple" due to the A. He asked why I can communicate so easily with our son. I said..because we have a simple relationship. I can trust him, rely on him, I know he loves me. When you have to question everything once, twice and third time it gets tiring. Things that weren't a big deal before have become a big deal now to me. I would be very uncomfortable with "barbie" touching my husband, so I think you have every right to feel like you do. Your world has been turned upside down and it's a hard road to turn it back right side up again. Hugs!!!

socrushed this is exactly what I was writing in my journal tonight. My H and I went out last night with some friends and a girl with big boobs walked by and he started making comments and could not keep his eyes off her. Usually I am not a jealous person but last night I was pissed. I feel like while we are trying to mend that he should only pay attention to me and no one else. I also understand he is human but I feel like he owes me right now.

He has a kidney stone and went to the ER last Monday and the nurse had to give him a shot in the hip and he as well about dropped his drawers. It did bother me but I also knew he was in pain and needed the shot. I was glad to be out of that place and back home.

Hang in there and know you are not alone in this and a lot of us feel the same way you do.

I wouldn't be as bothered by women looking at my H naked as I would be at him looking other women naked. Women are more mental than visual which is why more men have sex without emotion than women do.

Honestly, I could have a job where I looked at men's penises all day long and never feel any sort of attraction toward any of them. I don't think most men could say that they could look at naked women all day and never feel any sort of attraction toward any of them. There would probably be at least a couple that they would think about having sex with.

I can understand having triggers that you have no control over. Sometimes you can get past some of the by just being talking it through and removing the emotion that is attached to it, when emotion can actually be removed.

My H had a vasectomy several years ago (before affair) and he was very nervous about going in because he did not like the idea of being that exposed in front of the nurse for such a long period of time. He even nervously joked about how embarrassed he would be if she was a really hot nurse and while she was messing around down there he couldn't control his parts. Turns out there were no worries about his parts thinking for themself because the whole situation was just plain uncomfortable and even if the nurse had been a Playboy Playmate, I don't think it would have mattered.

About 2 years ago (post affair) he had to have a sonogram because of a lump in his testicles. As we sat and waited to go in the room, he told me he wanted me in there if I was allowed in. I said sure and then we joked about this woman who was walking around in a short pencil skirt and a tight top, that showed plenty of cleavage. She looked like she was probably an office manager or something like that, but we joked about how inappropriately dressed she was if she was someone who had to handle men's junk for procedures like his. I said if she is the ultrasound tech and dressed like that, she probably doesn't let the wife in the room, so she can have her way with the H.

Turns out she was the ultrasound tech and she would not let me in the room with him. Once we found that out we had about 5 minutes before she would take him in the room. She was an older lady, not unattractive, but she had a great figure and she showed it. My H was really nervous at that point and it wasn't about being alone with this woman, dressed as she was, and him enjoying the situation. It was him feeling very self conscious about the situation and not wanting to embarrass himself. I also think he was worried about what I would think because of his affair.

I really didn't think a thing of it other than it was kind of funny that this woman was really dressed inappropriately to be doing what she was doing. This was in a urologists office so I am thinking she is probably messing with men's junk often and she should probably go for scrubs or at least cover up a bit.

I could care less that either woman in either situation would be seeing or touching his stuff because there was no real emotion attached to either situation other than uncomfortableness on his part. I didn't allow myself to be thinking that another woman is seeing and touching his junk; I just saw it as a medical procedure that is about as embarrassing for him as my yearly gyno appt is for me.

We have so many triggers that are so emotionally charged that we can't get past them. When I have one that I can look at logically and throw to the side, I consider it a bit of a victory and I am so happy that there is something about this that I can break down to nothing and move past it. You just have to work at it a little bit.