I am sorry you are dealing with that betrayal. (((HUG))) Is she out of your life now? I hope so. Realize that it is not just her that hurt you...your husband is guilty as charged. He needs to be the one to make you feel secure in your relationship again. I hope he is doing everything he can to do that.

He is. He said he wanted to tell me, but was afraid I would leave him and he knew he made a mistake and has regretted it ever since. I forgot to say, I was pregnant at the time.

sorry you are going through this. There are wonderful people here to help you. Sorry that you have to be here also but, welcome aboard.

Awwww, I'm so sorry this happened. You have come to the right place though.(((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry to read your story. That's a double betrayal. Um something that confuses me. In your post you said she threaterned to tell you so your husband let her stay in your life but when you replied you said that he said hewanted to tell you. Why didn't he come clean back then, why give in to her threats? I think it sounds like a bit of trying to put the heat on her and off himself to me. Welcome to the group. You wont always like what you hear but it all helps. Hugs

Yes, it is a double betrayal. No, he didn't try to get off easy. He was ready for me to kick him out the day he actually grew the balls to tell me. Yes, he should have told me back then and suffered whatever was going to happen. There are days when I do still feel like kicking him out. She kept persuing him. By being close to me, she could be close to him. Everytime he started to tell me, she became closer to me. She called, came over, we did everything together. He got to the point that she was so close that he was afraid I would believe everything she said and not him. He was truely trapped. He told me she so wasn't worth it. She isn't pretty, has no body to be proud of, and is very self centered. He truely was in a major fog, but only for a little bit. She is psycho. He prayed for forgiveness everytime he went into a church. He has been a loving and great husband, and does so much for me. Yes, he made a mistake, a big one, but so did she. She was also married and knew what she was doing. She could have stayed away. He couldn't. I am married to him. She is a whore and wasn't just after my H.

I don't know why these things happen, just wanted to give you a ((hug)) and tell you I am sorry.

When this came out in my situation my husband told me the same thing. He was afraid to tell me, because of my reaction he was darn right I beat the hec out of him. Oh but what I believe is he was gonna carry this to the grave if he could and if he could continue do it till she wouldn't anymore. That how I see it. He wanted to tell me because he felt guilty, but he didn't because he enjoyed the pleasure of sneaking behind my back with someone staying under the same roof. Sick! I feel for you this girl in my situation was an acuintance its a long story it wasn't my house, but anyway that is so sad it was a supposed friend. I trust no one and my bestfriend is me. Sorry I just don't trust anyone I know people are too emotional.

Some people huh? WTF? I had a friend, who before he was my husband would sleep with him (booty call), and that is all she was. When he and I got together we lived out of State, so no big deal. Once we moved back to CA e would hang out with her. I was told she still carries a torch for him. Did not give it a second thought.

Well go forward in time. We were having a good time and drinking, she said "can X be the father of my next baby?" I was like WTF? I did not say anything at the time because she was drunk. The very next day she said the same thing. I told her to leave and never call me or come by again.

I have no idea how anyone can do that. I am just as eager to hear what others have to say.

Your husband cheating on you with a friend, not the other way around. If she is out of your life, good. But please make sure you aren't letting your husband off the hook by blaming your ex friend. Your husband cheated on you, not her.

Did you confront her? Has she ever apologized? I found out about an A my H had 16 years ago the fact that he kept that secret and was able to look me in the eye for years was devastating. It made it hard to trust myself as well as destroying any trust I had in him. I actually think the fact that he could lie to me like that was one of the biggest issues for me.

I cannot imagine the betrayal I would feel if someone I thought was my best friend did this to me. Hugs!!

Yes, she was confronted, but still wouldn't come clean with it all. She is still lying about some things that happened that she doesn't remember. What ever. Confront her? All I want to do is stomp her ass. I am enraged every time I think about her. Knowing what she did and what all I shared with her over the years about me and my H and our lives makes me sick to think about it. Yes, the fact that my H kept it from me and she could continue to be my friend, are big issues for me also.

You say a good friend betrayed you when she and your H had an affair years ago? And you dont understand why she stayed in your life. Why couldnt she walk away? Fair enough questions. Did you ever think that maybe this friend stayed in your life, became closer to you over the years, and couldnt walk away because she truly treasured your friendship? Because as she got to know you better she enjoyed you as a person and found it very hard to just walk away from a friend? Your H stayed in the marriage after the affair because he didnt want to loose the best thing in his lifehis wife!!! Of course he made a mistake and had guilt all these years and didnt want to tell you. I mean who wants to purposefully hurt their spouse? He truly had/has remorse for betraying his wife but couldnt bring himself to tell you because he didnt want to hurt you and didnt want to risk loosing you. Could it be that your friend also had guilt and remorse all these years? Could it be that your friend couldnt tell you or even her own H all these years because she didnt want to hurt or loose either one of you? I mean why is it the ones we love the most, hurt us the most? Its hard to just toss away a spouse when they betray us because we love them with all our hearts, faults and all. We committed our lives to them and promised to stand beside them through the good and bad times. Its a lot easier to just toss away a friendship though. What if this friend of yours also prayed to God through the years for forgiveness not only for committing adultery, betraying her H, but also for betraying her friend? Why am I asking all these questions of you? Because I am the OW and I betrayed not only my H but a friend. My friend and I became very close over the years (after the affair), did everything together and did lots of things with the kids. Our families and Hs even became close. Could it be that your friend also shared many details about her H, life and family with you too?

Your story sounds almost identical to mine except for a few details. In my situation there was absolutely no threatening of any kind and absolutely no pursuing of the H after the affair ended and no pursuing of other neighbors. I immediately apologized to my friend and asked for her forgiveness. I know my words probably didnt mean much to her but I needed to express my sincere regret and apology. It crushes me to this day that I lost my good friend and I dont think Ill ever get over what Ive done. Or do I think or expect anyone to understand my sincere regret. In my case, the OM and I realized we made the biggest mistake of our lives, ended it, and decided not to tell anyone. Period!!! And Im sure we can both agree that the affair was so not worth it. My friend did however forgive me a few months ago which I will hold close to my heart forever. Im sure she is still angry, bitter and very hurt and far from over it which is completely understandable. It takes a long time to heal and move forward from this type of betrayal and sometimes we may never completely heal. I will tell you this though; there will always be a part of me (my heart) that is broken from my Hs affair, from my affair and from the loss of a great friend. Thanks for listening ?

It's bad enough that your husband cheated on you, but it's more disgusting that it was with a woman who intertwined herself into your life. I don't blame you one bit for feeling totally and utterly violated. There are a lot of issues for you to work through for yourself.

Thanks for the comments. Grace10, obviously you were only thinking of yourself at the time also. I know my H was. So what made you tell what happened if you promised the H of the wife not to tell anyone? Why did you wait so long? As far as my friend, at this time I never will consider her my friend. To me, she has died and deserves to burn in hell. That is where she belongs. She had robbed me of many things now. She is also responible for changing my life and not for the better. Because of what she and my husband did, my life will never be the same also. I do not know your situation, but even if you say you were her friend, a true friend would have had the strength and courage to face up and walk away. To me, you and her were being selfish.