Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Are there any cheaters on this board or are you predominantly cheatees? I ask because in my relationship I was the one who cheated on my husband. I had started talking intimately with someone I met through work who was also married. We just clicked and gave each other the freedom of expression that neither of us found in our marriages. All we ever did was e-mail one another and call a few times as he was a few states away. One day, we decided that we would meet and before you know it I was in trouble. Even though the affair only happened one time, it doesn't make it hurt any less for my husband who has been loyal to me for over 7 years. It was never something that I admitted to until I was caught. And now my life has been turned upside down. You truly don't know what you have until it's gone.
To make matters worse, in January we had our first child together; my husband and I. The affair happened at the very beginning of my pregnancy and unfortunately, I did know I was pregnant at the time. Over the course of my pregnancy, when my husband didn't know, we got closer and closer and for the last 6 months we've had the best marriage I could have imagined. Now I'm having to deal with the possibility of losing my husband and raising a newborn practically alone. Some days it's almost too much to bear. I don't come here with any expectations of sympathy, but maybe you all can give me a better understanding of what it's like to be in your shoes, betrayed by a loved one. And if you are the cheater, I'd be interested in hearing your story too and find out how you dealt with it. I've been begging my husband to forgive me and to allow us to come to marriage counseling- but for right now there have been no decisions. All I can do is see what I can do to make things right again, or at least close to it. And I'd love to hear all of your suggestions, even if I open myself up to criticism. Thanks for everything!
To make matters worse, in January we had our first child together; my husband and I. The affair happened at the very beginning of my pregnancy and unfortunately, I did know I was pregnant at the time. Over the course of my pregnancy, when my husband didn't know, we got closer and closer and for the last 6 months we've had the best marriage I could have imagined. Now I'm having to deal with the possibility of losing my husband and raising a newborn practically alone. Some days it's almost too much to bear. I don't come here with any expectations of sympathy, but maybe you all can give me a better understanding of what it's like to be in your shoes, betrayed by a loved one. And if you are the cheater, I'd be interested in hearing your story too and find out how you dealt with it. I've been begging my husband to forgive me and to allow us to come to marriage counseling- but for right now there have been no decisions. All I can do is see what I can do to make things right again, or at least close to it. And I'd love to hear all of your suggestions, even if I open myself up to criticism. Thanks for everything!
As far as marriage counseling goes, find a counselor and make an appointment and then tell your H you've done so and want him to go with you. Even if he says he doesn't want to go, make the appointment to show him that you are serious about fixing your marriage. That would be a first step; you have a lot of work cut out for you and it won't be easy. The consequences and repercussions of your selfish, unloving, hateful act against your marriage will affect you and your husband for a very long time. It won't go away any time soon--think in terms of years and you'll be closer to the mark.
For your information, I have the unfortunate role of being both the cheater and the cheated on. You can peruse "My Story" in my journal and then blink your eyes and nod your head in disbelief at the patheticness of what we've done to each other. It's nothing short of ridiculous. But I've been on here since last March and I can tell you, this has been my lifeblood for staying sane and moving forward.
The aftermath of all this has been hell and right now, we're not doing so well. Slow as our progress may have been, I thought we were on the road to recovery. Then my W hits me with some negative feelings and it seems like we've backtracked mightily. Time will tell if we can overcome this.
So stay strong and please let me know if I can offer anything of value to your situation. I'm glad that you've recognized what you've done and hopefully your H can stick with you and allow you both to rebuild.
-TheRule
I have to say that this room evolved into mostly the betrayed and not the cheaters. Hell, it just happened that way. But I think it would be great of you to stick around. It would do wonders for you.
Sending you support on fixing your marriage and congrats on your new baby!
Stick around...check out the discussions...jump in...you'll be fine.
L~
I'm betting your husband feels betrayed, like you stabbed him in the heart (and back) while the other man held him for you to do so.
He thinks of you & him while having sex with you.
He gets disgusted when wondering if there was any trace of the other man on/in you while you & he (spouse) were intimate.
He sees you in a different perspective. Like you're a liar and realizes that you have no problem hurting & deceiving him for your own self-gratification.
He's not sure he can EVER trust you again. What's going to happen when you work with someone attractive who might flirt with you? or What's going to happen when there's a dispute over something in the marriage? Every marriage has times here and there where things are not perfect. I guarantee that no one has the perfect spouse, but some of us can accept their faulty ways without making excuses and cheating. I bet your husband had a few complaints about you (you're human) but did not go out and cheat.
And, he feels you made a complete assfool of him!
I don't know how you (or any cheater) can actually fix the marriage. The pain takes time to heal, as it is not fata wound. BUT, the "trust" issue may never recover. Very, Very Hard to make a marriage work when there is no trust.
I guess all I can suggest is that when he wants to talk, you talk openly and honestly no matter how painful it is for both of you (nothing worse than being lied to while being told the "honest" truth"). It'll actually make you seem more untrustworthly & foolish when the truth is found out. Understand how hurt he is (which you're obviously trying to do just by being here...and it wouldn't hurt to let him know you're trying to understand either).
I truly wish you, he & baby the best because everyone is human and WE ALL make mistakes. It seems you are truly sorry for yours & I hope he sees that.