Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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moving on

tryingtocope
tryingtocope

So I tried to save my marriage after I found out about my husband's affair. I was willing to take him back and work at it.  Then I find out that he is still seeing her. He had the nerve to take my children camping with her.I decided I was done trying. It was time to move on. Well I was out one night and met someone. He is the complete opposite of my husband. And he is going through the same thing. His wife cheated. He has now been seperated for about a year. We have been out a few times and talk daily. I really like him. I told my husband that I was going to start seeing other people. The next day he comes to me and says he wants me back. That he knows he screwed up. I do love him but I can not just go back. He does still work with this woman. Although he is laying it on pretty thick. He came to my work 2 days ago with flowers. He shoed up at a family event yesturday and in front of everyone said he knows he screwed up and that he loves me with all his heart and will do whatever it takes to get me back. I find it funny how it comes about after I move on. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can go back. I don't know if I want to.

ElizabethM
ElizabethM
I am speaking from experience from a 26 year marriage. Your husband will NOT change. If you stay with him be prepared for this drama the rest of your marriage. If you're looking for a husband that will be faithful, leave this marriage.

Good Luck!
StormPetrel
StormPetrel
Your H wants you both. He will just take his A further underground if you stay married.

Why not ask him to prove his love? He can change jobs for a start. He can call his AP on speaker phone and tell her it's over, he loves you, and getting involved with her was a mistake.

He sounds like a drama king to me. And ElizabethM is right; he's not going to change. You might as well have some fun with this as you plan your exit.

It's nice you found someone else to keep you company. Just keep in mind that you are bonding over being betrayed.

Good luck to you!
refurb
refurb
1) file for divorce
2) do not start a relationship until a period of time afte you file
3) if you wait you may see that you need more time before you are ready to start a relationship
AND you kids make need you to move slow

Right know, your responsibilities as a parent come first
heartache5
heartache5
Some good comments up there. Not sure how long the time line was between u found out the first and the second time. But some wise people on this site told me to only give someone 1 chance so to not twice be treated like a doormat. I'm happy you met someone I would keep chatting with him just so you have someone to share your pain with. Like the others say probably not for a relationship but just for company may make you feel good. Take time apart from husband to think things over. Sounds like ur H just now realizes that you too could actually meet someone else not just him and it scares the crap out of him he thought u would always come back to him. Take some time apart and return said it well focus on the kids. But there's no blame in keeping contact with this new man just to chat. Wish u the best
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
I doubt you or the new man are in any shape to start a new relationship. You would be starting a codependent relationship built on pain...and adultery on your part.

Your husband is jerking you around while being with this other woman, don't do the same thing. You are in the clear until the marriage is over.

I don't pretend to know your husbands intentions but as you said he continued to see the woman and didn't come back until you said you were leaving. His grand romantic gestures are nothing but that. True remorse isn't doing something to avoid loss. It is a change of heart followed by meaningful actions. Cutting off contact, opening up phone/accounts, and taking ownership of his actions and your pain are a start.
cmonge
cmonge
Don't believe him! The fear of you being happier without him is scaring him. If he was so concerned about working it out why didn't he stop the affair BEFORE he heard you were moving on? The temptation to believe them is strong because deep down we always want our marriages with the fathers of our children to work out. I'd wait on the new relationship - stay friends - support each other but try to hold off on romance. You are not ready - - your wounds are so fresh and you are not even close to being over your marriage.
devastatedattorney
devastatedattorney
Lawyer here. Cheating is an incurable disease.

Source: Dozens of divorce cases.

PS: If you are prepared to give him another chance, make sure he agrees to strict check and balance. Track his whereabouts, his phone, his accounts. If he does not agree to it - its not worth it.
tryingtocope
tryingtocope
Well he tried for a week to get me to come back home. I told him I needed time. He would not stop calling and texting me. I told him he needed to back off a little and give me time. Today he decided to take my car away, cancel my insurance and enroll the kids in school where he lives. So there went any chance he had of me going back. I am so over being treated like that. I am done!
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
At least you know he isn't repentant and you have closure. The worst thing is when a BS is kept dangling in limbo about what to do next because of fear of abandonment and the ongoing gas lighting of the CS.

You gave him a second chance, which is more than he deserves, but it takes two to repair a marriage.