Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
G'day Guys,
First post here and by way of an introduction, my name is Mick and I live in Queensland, Australia.
I am 54 years old and have been married to a beautiful woman, slightly youger than me for around 12 years. She is the love of my life.
Like many men, I am insecure about my size. I would call it as average, certainly not large and I know that she has been with bigger men before I came into her life. (she told me this)
Until about two years ago, our relationship was wonderful and I thought we were having great sex - on a regular basis. Then she went away for a week to visit her "girlfriend" in another city and when she came home, she had changed. Cold, aloof and at times, outright nasty. She was no longer interested in having sex with me and t was 8 months before I was even able to get near her again.
Prior to her little trip, she was a sensual, orgasmic woman who often initiated things and since, she has turned into a woman who will very occasionally condescend to left me have sex with her. It feels like she is just doing it because she has to.
She redicules me for my lack of foreply but she won't let me touch or even kiss her anymore when i know she used to love this.
Recently, I have become obsessed with the idea that she is having an affair and that this is the reason she no longer wants me. She assures me that there is no body else but the facts just don't add up to me.
At one point, she even threatoned me with my best friend who is younger, stronger, better looking and better endowed than me.
I find my self watching her closely (probably too closely) and looking for things to be suspicious of. (and of course, I find many) and this only makes me worse.
I try to speak to her about this and what I am going through, and I can see the barriers going up. I try to get her to come to couselling and she refuses.
She tells me it is my suspicions that have driven her "away" from me but I think that is a bit like what came first, the chicken or the egg.
I feel sick at the thought of her with another man. being as insecure as I am, I just cant describe what it is like to imagine her with a better man and enjoying him like she used to enjoy me or more so.
Please help me here. My heart is breaking, I don't know what to do and I just can't imagine my life without her.
mick
First post here and by way of an introduction, my name is Mick and I live in Queensland, Australia.
I am 54 years old and have been married to a beautiful woman, slightly youger than me for around 12 years. She is the love of my life.
Like many men, I am insecure about my size. I would call it as average, certainly not large and I know that she has been with bigger men before I came into her life. (she told me this)
Until about two years ago, our relationship was wonderful and I thought we were having great sex - on a regular basis. Then she went away for a week to visit her "girlfriend" in another city and when she came home, she had changed. Cold, aloof and at times, outright nasty. She was no longer interested in having sex with me and t was 8 months before I was even able to get near her again.
Prior to her little trip, she was a sensual, orgasmic woman who often initiated things and since, she has turned into a woman who will very occasionally condescend to left me have sex with her. It feels like she is just doing it because she has to.
She redicules me for my lack of foreply but she won't let me touch or even kiss her anymore when i know she used to love this.
Recently, I have become obsessed with the idea that she is having an affair and that this is the reason she no longer wants me. She assures me that there is no body else but the facts just don't add up to me.
At one point, she even threatoned me with my best friend who is younger, stronger, better looking and better endowed than me.
I find my self watching her closely (probably too closely) and looking for things to be suspicious of. (and of course, I find many) and this only makes me worse.
I try to speak to her about this and what I am going through, and I can see the barriers going up. I try to get her to come to couselling and she refuses.
She tells me it is my suspicions that have driven her "away" from me but I think that is a bit like what came first, the chicken or the egg.
I feel sick at the thought of her with another man. being as insecure as I am, I just cant describe what it is like to imagine her with a better man and enjoying him like she used to enjoy me or more so.
Please help me here. My heart is breaking, I don't know what to do and I just can't imagine my life without her.
mick
If you're not spending the time to get your wife ready for the "boom", you're missing something. Penis size has nothing to do with it.
Thank you all for your well thoughtout replies.
I am on medication now to help me sleep at night and last night, for the first time in weeks, I actually got a full night. I feel a little better today and that is a very good thing.
I think my insecurity has probablY driven a wedge between my wife and I.
I can forgive an affair and in some ways, even understand it if I am not satisfying her. (provided the thing is over)
What hurts me the most, is the looks of contempt she giveS me from time to time. it seems to me that she doesn't even like me at times. I am at a complete loss as to how this came to be. All I do is love her.
I have tried to tell her what I am going through and it is like talking to a blank wall. I have lost all dignity and self respect and at the moment, am having a real hard look at myself. Quite frankly, I don't much like what I am seeing.
I have allways percieved myself to be an "alpha" male and now I think I may have been deluding myself.
I am no longer strong, relatively confident or able to make decisions and have turned into a simpering little maggot, wollowing in my own self pity and fears. I feel like I have been castrated.
I freaking HATE this roller coaster and want to get off it. I bloody need to feel like a MAN again, take control of my life and get on with it. Maybe a couple more nights of reasonable sleep and I will be able to make some hard decisions that I desperately need to make?
Whatever, I have had a freaking GUTFULL of this and intend to resolve things one way or the other - VERY SOON.
Thanks again guys for all your help. i will try to remember to contribute here where i can.
hugs to you all
mick
You can either continue to be handed the abuse or tell her to knock it off and mean it. Somewhere along the line here, you need to stand up for yourself.
Just because she has turned cold and mean and somewhat of a twit right now doesn't mean she's fucking someone else. Believe it or not, the problem really COULD be the marriage.
I think you may have mis-understood my post.
There is evidence there allright. I just haven't detailed it here. My concern is that they betrayal (if there is one) is because of my penis size etc. and that I am not good enough for her. - or she is wanting the excitement of something new and dangerous. I have no clue what is going on in her lovely head at the moment - and she won't tell me.
I am certain that she can see what this is doing to me. I have aged considerably during this time.
It seems to me that she can see I am on the road to self destruct and she just doesn't seem to give a shit. that probably hurts just as much as the rest of it.
I just can't get my head around this. I would gladly give my life for just one day of my wife loving me again.
Sorry, i'm getting the bloody sads again.
will post again tomorrow.
Well, if she cheated on you because of penis size, she is a very shallow woman and one not worth having in your corner to begin with :).
In any event, you have to try your tears and show her ( even if it hurts and is a lie) that what she is doing couldn't phase you less. Start to move on FOR YOU and pick yourself up FOR YOU. If your marriage falls apart , you will NEED to be together.
Plus, once you start showing them that they can't treat you this way, sooner or later you start believing it. :) its a good feeling.