Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
G'day Guys,
First post here and by way of an introduction, my name is Mick and I live in Queensland, Australia.
I am 54 years old and have been married to a beautiful woman, slightly youger than me for around 12 years. She is the love of my life.
Like many men, I am insecure about my size. I would call it as average, certainly not large and I know that she has been with bigger men before I came into her life. (she told me this)
Until about two years ago, our relationship was wonderful and I thought we were having great sex - on a regular basis. Then she went away for a week to visit her "girlfriend" in another city and when she came home, she had changed. Cold, aloof and at times, outright nasty. She was no longer interested in having sex with me and t was 8 months before I was even able to get near her again.
Prior to her little trip, she was a sensual, orgasmic woman who often initiated things and since, she has turned into a woman who will very occasionally condescend to left me have sex with her. It feels like she is just doing it because she has to.
She redicules me for my lack of foreply but she won't let me touch or even kiss her anymore when i know she used to love this.
Recently, I have become obsessed with the idea that she is having an affair and that this is the reason she no longer wants me. She assures me that there is no body else but the facts just don't add up to me.
At one point, she even threatoned me with my best friend who is younger, stronger, better looking and better endowed than me.
I find my self watching her closely (probably too closely) and looking for things to be suspicious of. (and of course, I find many) and this only makes me worse.
I try to speak to her about this and what I am going through, and I can see the barriers going up. I try to get her to come to couselling and she refuses.
She tells me it is my suspicions that have driven her "away" from me but I think that is a bit like what came first, the chicken or the egg.
I feel sick at the thought of her with another man. being as insecure as I am, I just cant describe what it is like to imagine her with a better man and enjoying him like she used to enjoy me or more so.
Please help me here. My heart is breaking, I don't know what to do and I just can't imagine my life without her.
mick
First post here and by way of an introduction, my name is Mick and I live in Queensland, Australia.
I am 54 years old and have been married to a beautiful woman, slightly youger than me for around 12 years. She is the love of my life.
Like many men, I am insecure about my size. I would call it as average, certainly not large and I know that she has been with bigger men before I came into her life. (she told me this)
Until about two years ago, our relationship was wonderful and I thought we were having great sex - on a regular basis. Then she went away for a week to visit her "girlfriend" in another city and when she came home, she had changed. Cold, aloof and at times, outright nasty. She was no longer interested in having sex with me and t was 8 months before I was even able to get near her again.
Prior to her little trip, she was a sensual, orgasmic woman who often initiated things and since, she has turned into a woman who will very occasionally condescend to left me have sex with her. It feels like she is just doing it because she has to.
She redicules me for my lack of foreply but she won't let me touch or even kiss her anymore when i know she used to love this.
Recently, I have become obsessed with the idea that she is having an affair and that this is the reason she no longer wants me. She assures me that there is no body else but the facts just don't add up to me.
At one point, she even threatoned me with my best friend who is younger, stronger, better looking and better endowed than me.
I find my self watching her closely (probably too closely) and looking for things to be suspicious of. (and of course, I find many) and this only makes me worse.
I try to speak to her about this and what I am going through, and I can see the barriers going up. I try to get her to come to couselling and she refuses.
She tells me it is my suspicions that have driven her "away" from me but I think that is a bit like what came first, the chicken or the egg.
I feel sick at the thought of her with another man. being as insecure as I am, I just cant describe what it is like to imagine her with a better man and enjoying him like she used to enjoy me or more so.
Please help me here. My heart is breaking, I don't know what to do and I just can't imagine my life without her.
mick
From what you have described it does sound like there is something up. If this feeling is overwhelming you throughout the day I would suggest that it is probably necessary to confirm all your suspicions. If she isn't going to come clean on her own you may have to use sneaky tools.
Friends and family can be very supportive. Talk with the people whom you trust if possible.
I think you should really try to appreciate yourself. You had a life before her and you will have one if you separate. You shouldn't worry about the size of your pecker. It's like wishing you had been born into a wealthy family. It's one of those things that you can't control. If she didn't complain about size before, I'm sure it's not an issue. Try not to think about her with other men, if it is causing you so much distress I would try using thought stopping techniques.
Do things that make you feel good. Treat yourself. If you don't already do so, eat healthier, and exercise. Also, counseling really helps as well. The first thing you should do is make an appointment to talk to someone. Look up ways to love yourself. It will take work but what doesn't.
I wish it wasn't so but there might be a lot of pain. But remember that everything will turn out ok. You are important to yourself. Learn how to become self defined. The hell with everyone else.You'll be ok.
Take care of yourself. Try and get out to have some fun too! Good luck!
I agree with Izzy. If you can get her to a counselor, it might help. If she refuses, go by yourself. We could all use better self esteem, so I see no downside for you to work on that by yourself if necessary.
the problem is not your penis size.
The problem is the size of your WIFE brains.
You are right to be suspicious. Get some dirt on her.
Listen to Karmic, she's right on!
Men - The general consensus among women is - penis size does not matter at all. It is how you use it and all the other things you do and the way you treat us. I have been more turned on by men who treat me fantastically and pamper me with small to average penises, than the well hung guy who acts like a jerk. A woman's most erogenous zone is between her ears, not between her legs.
As long as your not rocking a baby penis (2") or a donkey dick (2')...you are all good!
Anyway, MEN, I know it is hard for some of you to believe this, but unlike you guys, women do not equate everything to penis size. No need to get all hung up about it (sorry for the pun).
I am quite well endowed, but it did not stop her from cheating.
In fact, she claims that her lover was very poorly endowed (which may not be true). However, he would have to me at least 9" to be larger than I.
His lacking penis did not stop or slow the affair.
He did what all players know how to do...show compassion, listen, make her feel special, validated, important. etc. Something I am sure he did not do for his wife.
So, don't feel bad about your 'size', it really doesn't matter.
If someone adores you, and is in love with you, they like all of you.
A really small penis becomes cute.
Also, in the other direction, women become intimidated sometimes if you are too large.
Also, depending on them, it can be painful, which sex shouldn't be.
I have learned after the affair, that sex was uncomfortable for her at times with me. That really hurt me.
And another vote here for "size doesn't matter"
It really doesn't.
Joanne
Granted, there appears to be something there that she's hiding from you.
But I think you're making matters worse with your own insecurities. Pay attention to what she says. You said she ridiculed you because of your lack of engaging in foreplay. Your first reaction, then, shouldn't be to say "She's having an affair with a well-endowed guy," it should be to learn how to please her with foreplay.
What's really eating at your wife is still a mystery, but don't make a bad situation worse by bringing your own insecurities into the picture. It doesn't sound like your W raised the issue of your penis size at all. That was all you. Let go of that.