Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
We have been working at things, he clams to be being honest now and really want to work at it. I have been seeing some effort, but a lot of questionable things too.
I have had the internet stick for some time (so he will not go online while I am not there and do naughties) Thursday night after going online together he took the stick, so when he wasn't looking I hid the laptop charging cord. Sat morn I wake up to find the smokes moved from the bed to the couch, he is sleeping, I look and see things were moved around (looking for cord in cupboards) Okay, don't say nothing...he stays in bed for another 2 hours, I set VR by couch and go outside...as soon as I go outside he gets up.
So he says he has to go to town to drop a couple things off at friends houses. Am I staying or coming with. Two stops, now with drive time and visiting maybe 3 hours. I had a headache and was nauseous, didn't want to go (I am scared to let him go alone because of past experiences, I expressed this, he got mad) I inside figure if I let him go alone he will be up to no good, but crap I can't cage him and watch him all the time, have to give trust a go...But it ends up a big fight and he storms out.
8:10 pm I text "where abouts are you babe?"
8:12pm his buddie texts me "he's with me honest!"
(But Evan doesn't text me just his buddie Les)
Not til after 9 does he text saying he is with les waiting for a buddie, 2 texts then he stops...
I let them both know I think things are fishy and I am being told Lies, (guess what?! news flash! I imagine things and have probs!-Whoda thunk!?)
Anyways, 11pm, its like "WTF? Are you even coming home?"
Les responds "he just left"
2:30, he is still not home, I SNAP. He gets home I snap- he got a few choice names + some...He stays at the house me at the motorhome.
Sunday at lunch he gets some shit from the motorhome and takes off to the city again, still angry, midnight he still wasn't home.
Monday morn (he is supposed to be at work for 8am, cars at house when I wake up) shows up at the motorhome about 10 am, wants to talk and have a coffee. He is innocent, is tired of me not trusting him, past is past, we need to get past this...
I was already considering it over, was planning on leaving...
started to think I was over reacting, I KNOW i have issues...
Well this morning I agree I will not drink and I will seek counseling...We even discussed maybe my aneurysm is affecting my emotions (WTF_over?)
He leaves for work...Me and my trust issues head to the online phone bill...
8:10pm text received
8:11pm outgoing call ( to Lesters phone)
then Les texts me to tell me they are together
He called Les numerous times that night.
Now am I wrong to assume that they were not together?
Les and I were friends and he got mad at me for not believing him, I want to tell him he is an ass!! (should I?)
What am I to do now?
He will be home at 5:30pm and wants to go to town to shop for a truck. I want to tell him to just go...I want to confront him...I want to text Lester...I want to sit on the porch with a loaded gun, wait for him and push his lying face into that phone bill, and blow off a toe for every lie I get, when the toes are gone, he obviously has some huge balls...
Like what kind of explanation will I get for this?
WHY?
Why cant people just be honest?
I am at a loss, I literally have no one else in my life, no family no nothing...
Sunday I had written a note and was ready to hang myself...
Today looks like a good day...
I have had the internet stick for some time (so he will not go online while I am not there and do naughties) Thursday night after going online together he took the stick, so when he wasn't looking I hid the laptop charging cord. Sat morn I wake up to find the smokes moved from the bed to the couch, he is sleeping, I look and see things were moved around (looking for cord in cupboards) Okay, don't say nothing...he stays in bed for another 2 hours, I set VR by couch and go outside...as soon as I go outside he gets up.
So he says he has to go to town to drop a couple things off at friends houses. Am I staying or coming with. Two stops, now with drive time and visiting maybe 3 hours. I had a headache and was nauseous, didn't want to go (I am scared to let him go alone because of past experiences, I expressed this, he got mad) I inside figure if I let him go alone he will be up to no good, but crap I can't cage him and watch him all the time, have to give trust a go...But it ends up a big fight and he storms out.
8:10 pm I text "where abouts are you babe?"
8:12pm his buddie texts me "he's with me honest!"
(But Evan doesn't text me just his buddie Les)
Not til after 9 does he text saying he is with les waiting for a buddie, 2 texts then he stops...
I let them both know I think things are fishy and I am being told Lies, (guess what?! news flash! I imagine things and have probs!-Whoda thunk!?)
Anyways, 11pm, its like "WTF? Are you even coming home?"
Les responds "he just left"
2:30, he is still not home, I SNAP. He gets home I snap- he got a few choice names + some...He stays at the house me at the motorhome.
Sunday at lunch he gets some shit from the motorhome and takes off to the city again, still angry, midnight he still wasn't home.
Monday morn (he is supposed to be at work for 8am, cars at house when I wake up) shows up at the motorhome about 10 am, wants to talk and have a coffee. He is innocent, is tired of me not trusting him, past is past, we need to get past this...
I was already considering it over, was planning on leaving...
started to think I was over reacting, I KNOW i have issues...
Well this morning I agree I will not drink and I will seek counseling...We even discussed maybe my aneurysm is affecting my emotions (WTF_over?)
He leaves for work...Me and my trust issues head to the online phone bill...
8:10pm text received
8:11pm outgoing call ( to Lesters phone)
then Les texts me to tell me they are together
He called Les numerous times that night.
Now am I wrong to assume that they were not together?
Les and I were friends and he got mad at me for not believing him, I want to tell him he is an ass!! (should I?)
What am I to do now?
He will be home at 5:30pm and wants to go to town to shop for a truck. I want to tell him to just go...I want to confront him...I want to text Lester...I want to sit on the porch with a loaded gun, wait for him and push his lying face into that phone bill, and blow off a toe for every lie I get, when the toes are gone, he obviously has some huge balls...
Like what kind of explanation will I get for this?
WHY?
Why cant people just be honest?
I am at a loss, I literally have no one else in my life, no family no nothing...
Sunday I had written a note and was ready to hang myself...
Today looks like a good day...
As it is now...is this what you want for the rest of your life?
L~
and the Voice recorder i set sat morning by the couch caught him checking voicemail, can't hear it clear but a female, sounds like
'got your text wondering if you popped by, did you get your truck staightened out, wondering if i'm are going to see you?"
can't be sure sounds muffled...
after he checked voicemail, he went to town
I am at wits end...
Katt, this is no way to live. I DID all of that with my EX. It was exhausting. It didn't solve anything at all. It didn't make it any better either.
Finally, one day, I sat down and shook my head and said, 'If I have to work this damned hard to keep him out of someone else's pant, he ain't worth keeping.'
Maybe yours isn't either.
Now? I am in such a good relationship. He's a gem. Solid. Honest. I feel no need to double check a word that he says. Being with him and having that load off my shoulders? It's heaven.
The difference in the relationships is like night and day. I can't stress that enough.
Just have to say this - if you have to work that hard to keep him, he may not be worth the effort. And? You may not have what you think you have...
Sending you support, L~
My wife is lucky to have a husband she never has to double check. She must love that, I sure wish I new what that feels like. One day I will, and I am so looking forward to that day.
Great wisdom in you L
Hey, this is how I really, really feel. I see so many on here that are with that spouse who really works hard to rectify the situation. To reconcile. To make that marriage work. Then I see those cheaters who just get better at it - work harder at the lying and game playing. Those? Are not worth the effort...
...or tears...or sweat...or pain...
I see those bad relationships as so toxic. We spend all this time chasing them around. To them? It's all a joke. NOthing short of a joke on us.
I don't want to be a joke to anyone. I don't want to be that 'let's see what we can pull on so and so' person. If that is the way that someone views me? I'll leave that relationship. There is no value there. None in the least.
But someone who loves me enough to be honest and have integrity? He values me. He values me enough to do that for me. That's what I have now.
Katt, please see this, alright? I am trying to help you. Imagine your life without bullshit. It's a wonderful thing.
L~
Honestly, you truly deserve better than this.
Joe - I use to blindly trust my H. for 19 years I NEVER had any doubts about his fidelity and nor he mine. I can tell you, it's wonderful... I truly NEVER thought I'd be where I am in life today... Now, I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again.... Not fair, but that's where I am because of where I've been...
Oh Joe, I do plan on trusting again. Maybe not as blindly. Maybe not as naively. But I refuse to lose the ability to trust.
L~
I like you, spent alot of time and effort chasing and checking my h. This isn't what I signed up for. There came a time when I just didn't care enough to continue the checks and balances-that's when I decided to care about myself. I can't control him-I don't want to control him. I don't want to spend my precious time checking on someone who didn't care enough to stay faithful to me.
I agree with you Joe-I will give my trust to someone until they prove they no longer deserve the gift of trust.
Yours posts are always wise...
I had said during our 'monday talk over coffee'
If I have to cage you and watch your every move-its not love...
and it isn't... it is no way to live- no way to love
'I don't want to be a joke to anyone. I don't want to be that 'let's see what we can pull on so and so' person. If that is the way that someone views me? I'll leave that relationship. There is no value there. None in the least.'
I had almost said those exact words to him during our talk yesterday...He assure me that since the 'one time' he had not been with anyone and was honest and was trying, he cried so much I believed! (I agreed to see a counselor because of how I snapped "imagining" he was lying to me again)
Something in me made me go to the phone bill when I logged online...i cant say why...but then i saw he wasn't with les like he said on Saturday for 10 hours, (not if he has to call Les then Les txts me to say they are together) who knows if he was with Les Sunday like he says...(all of sunday isn't on the bill yet)
ImDealing-
I don't really know why,
he keeps me believing he cried yesterday saying he was with Les all Saturday and sunday...
I have no one in my life and he is all I have (with the brain aneurysms and facing another crainotomy asap according to the surgeon, and now finding a lump in my breast...I am F'in scared s**tless of being alone and cant believe he is doing this)
part of it has been that last thread of hoping to be able to trust...I cling to the hope he has come clean and is being honest...
I STILL cling to it- I would like nothing more than him to tell me what the hell went on this weekend...he will be home in 2 hours and I dont know what to do...
I know he will lie,
I wish I knew some magical words to make him just STOP the lies.
If he is not messing around why lie about where you are right?
IMDealing---it just hit me, I'm an idiot thats why I am hanging on, I am clinging to the hope that by some amazing odds I would cross paths with a good human and have them as part of my life while i still have time, some stupid hope that this JERK would come to his senses and see what he is doing and smarten the hell up so we can get on with all the plans we had...I was hoping I still had the one thing that pulled me through the first brain surgery ( I stroked out and they had to do a second surgery to make me functional- and when I came to I was calling for him the doc said- yeah he was what I was living for)
Basically I was hanging on to the belief he wouldn't turn me into a joke...
If it continues then I let him turn me into a joke. There is no way around that...
About trust, normally I give people a portion of my trust, what they do with it is up to them, as I become close to them they get more...
seems I just did a big boo boo there so...go with dont trust, let them earn it first...and watch closely trust is more precious than your gold...
I am emotional right now (going from balling to wanting to break things, wanting to beg, wanting to kill, wanting to die)
I should not be posting in this state
You will see your not alone, and you will get advise to pull you from the negitive thoughts and help to make you strong. Keep posting, we are all here to help.
This is us sorting it all out. Validating eachother.
I hear your frustration.
You mentioned your fear of being alone. That is a pretty real fear. I remember that fear well. I was married for 20 years and finally I said to myself, after a big 'discussion' about his OW, and him saying that I would be alone forever... I said, 'I would rather be alone than eat your shit.'
It's easier being alone and having my life be on my terms. No more hidden meanings, no more wondering, no more cloak and dagger bullshit, no more lies and games, no more...It's like a wieght lifted off of my shoulders. What I have is real. No more wondering.
I am, now, with a wonderful man. After throwing many back to the pond. It's alright to be picky. It's my LIFE.
This is YOUR life. Be picky. Be determined. Be all that you want to be...and can be. But all this bullshit? It's holding you back, tapping your energy, taking your resolve. Imagine what you would do with your time if you didn't feel like you had to double check everything he did. Just think on that...
I am sending my support, L~