Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I suspect I'm not going to win many people over here.
Four years ago I started an affair. My girlfriend and I didn't set out to have an affair. We developed a relationship.
Of course my wife discovered the affair. I'm having a very difficult time one whether to work on the marriage or moving on with my girlfriend.
That's the basic story. Obviously it's more involved and complex.
I don't know if my wife and I can fix our relationship and start anew.
The relationship I have with my girlfriend is the kind of connection and communication I would want in my marriage.
I've hurt the woman I married. We allowed our marriage to drift and weaken.
I want to be happy, but I don't know what to do.
I hope whatever move any of you in your triangle make, your wife gets the happiness she has coming to her. I'm remarried and life is good again. If I had stayed with my ex, I wouldn't have ever met my 2nd husband.
So, here's to your wife's future happiness.
This is the link: https://www.dailystrength.org/group/cheaters-anonymous
I'm glad you came to DailyStrength to post and seek help. It can be a wonderful tool in helping those that face challenges navigate through uncharted territory. Admitting you have an issue, reaching out for help is the very first difficult step, for any of us, in working through challenging times in our lives.
I agree with the others, you have some decisions to make. No one can make them for you. But if your wife wants a monogamous marriage, she deserves to have that. Transparency is important. Affairs become addiction and can swallow you up in a black hole. But in order to fully invest in your marriage, if your wife would even entertain staying together (she has decisions to make too), you have to be completely affair free and completely no contact (not even via email, social media) with the OW.
Three people cannot be in a marriage. It won't work. Period.
It actually doesn't sound that you really are completely invested in making your marriage survive this. But again, that is my inference on reading 4 paragraphs. I could be wrong. But one thing I know, truthfully it takes a tremendous amount of work to rebuild, although not impossible, it can be done but you have to be fully invested in that. Not all marriages are meant to last, people change, and feelings change. I am absolutely not the same person I was 25+ years ago when I walked down that aisle. How many of us are? None of that is easy to swallow, none of that is meant to sound complacent, but its factual.
But one thing that is important is that your wife deserves respect. How we treat others is what life is about. And in that, it means truthfulness, transparency, and yes, it may mean to let her go so she can find someone who talks about her the same way you talk about your girlfriend. Don't we all deserve that?
You will never see your marriage clearly enough to know if it can become something great while your AP is in the picture. I am certain of that. I know how hard it is to move on, but consider it.
Note to the OP- please leave your wife. You have clearly decided that your "connection" is with your girlfriend. Leave your wife and set up home with this girlfriend.
Oh and if you could come back in 3-4 years and let us know how that is going, that would be brilliant.
Wishing your wife every happiness in the world.
How does your wife feel about you having a girlfriend? What part did your cheating play in the drifting and weakening of your marriage? You want to be happy...I'm betting your wife also wants happiness. Being married to someone who cheats on you does not result in happiness...ask me how I know.