O,

Why all the rationlizing.

Why not heat in the loins.

Today a 10 woman is going to say hello to you. This woman is so perfect I mwan picture perfect, she wants to bed you.

Do you let loins heat up.

Do you control and let brain control.

Your wife merely let her loins heat up.

A penis gave her the needed relief, same for mine.

O,

Today put the image of man hammering her into the mattress and then coming.

Now step back and put rationalization behind this.

Guess what you cannot, see learned this from a mental professional.

Its the same for a person to whom drive and kills a family in auto. Why you can rationalize it.

Now take the imageof him dancing, flirting while slopping down shots mintes before killing them.

The rational mind disappears into reality.

Yes, true in my case also. My STBX wife was feeling low, depressed, about her life in general. She had to switch a dead-end job of 8 years and started working at a new company. While, in theory, all was better...5 mins from home, 30% more salary, better title, she missed "her friends" (all females) that she had at her previous job. The new company culture was not very social...people just worked and kept to themselves. Basically, she became an unhappy person. There walks-in the AP. Said whatever bullcrap she wanted to hear. She starts demonizing me/aggrandizing him and next thing you know the euphoria presented by excess levels of dopamine (ooh! He makes me feel attractive, desired, sexy!) combined with adrenaline rush (ooh! Its forbidden! we're both married!) lead to sex (oxytocin spikes) and next thing you know, you're hooked just like a cocaine addict. From Biochemistry perspective, Romantic Love and Mental Illness and Drug Addiction are difficult to tell apart.

Yes, it was self-medication to her perceived depression & sadness.

So, one would think that a happy marriage is inoculation to Infidelity. NO, in my case, the problem was not the marriage that was the root cause of her dissatisfaction in life. She wasn't unhappy with me or her family. She hated her new job, specifically her office "environment", lack of social connections, the chit-chat breaks.

We lived an expensive lifestyle. We were both trying to focus on adapting our ability to maintain income levels as the Great Recession that was upon us in 2008-09. While her rationalization was that...She felt like I stopped loving her, didn't care for her feelings, etc., those were merely to justify the A in her mind.

A year later, she gets laid off but I got a new much higher paying job, and we decided that she stay home and relax for a few months/years. Now, no work, no causes of unhappiness right? My new income was more than both-combined previously. No financial stress either, right?! So, they lived happily ever after?...NO! Now, the justification became, "I fell in love" with AP, and the affair continued.

There are many people who live their lives miserable for no good reason. They are in relentless pursuit of Uber Happiness, and no amount of money, health, happy marriage, can ever make them content. They continue to seek more and more and more...until there is nothing left but ashes!

I wish that had been the case for us, he bragged how he had won, "I Win" one of his favorite sayings, because he claimed I was the best thing to happen in his life,next to his children...he claimed that I gave him the insight to a better lifestyle, he as it turns out was just what he claimed he hated in others, his was an "I NEED MORE, I am entitled to more"........and it didn't matter the whys, even though a lot of what he lied to her about was on him, not me, but that would not have gotten him the sex and homage that he took.....Grrrrrrrrrrrr, I still can not even put on paper all of the anx that I feel......I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN HE GAVE, AND I DID GIVE TO HIM, AND PAID ATTENTION TO WHAT HE SAID.... but I am the loser in this, he claims he can't imagine not seeing my face every day, well I call "BULLSHIT" because he already was replacing me, or as he calls it, "supplimenting me" the real sick part is that the OW, is similar to me in many ways, except she is a fake, pathetic substitute for a real person....fake nails, fake contact for eye color, fake boobs, pedicures, poofy short hair, heavy make up, tons of jewelry, fake smile....Grrrr,

Buildtolast - your hit the nail on the head with this - this is 100% correct and very important for people to "try" and understand - but I am very glad you pointed this out - the crazytown process of how it starts - I think you.

She starts demonizing me/aggrandizing him and next thing you know the euphoria presented by excess levels of dopamine (ooh! He makes me feel attractive, desired, sexy!) combined with adrenaline rush (ooh! Its forbidden! we're both married!) lead to sex (oxytocin spikes) and next thing you know, you're hooked just like a cocaine addict. From Biochemistry perspective, Romantic Love and Mental Illness and Drug Addiction are difficult to tell apart.

buildtolast - this is awesome too.

There are many people who live their lives miserable for no good reason. They are in relentless pursuit of Uber Happiness, and no amount of money, health, happy marriage, can ever make them content. They continue to seek more and more and more...until there is nothing left but ashes!

Completely true. Thanks for posting.

buildtolast - your WS - does she ever admit to you that she has major issues? that she knows she needs to fix them and is seeking to fix them? is she in shock from going down this nutty path - where is her head at now?

Thanks

This is of concern. Her remorse seems real, however, the root cause is downplayed as, "I thought you stopped loving me/caring for me".

No shock, just Guilt. Regrets. Remorse.

When an affair comes to light, almost everyone assumes something was wrong with the BS or the marriage itself. Conversely, this formula would hold true: Happy Marriage = Infidelity Vaccine. Not necessarily!

If an affair was a result of frustrations or unhappiness with your spouse, then yes, a happy marriage would prevent an affair. A near-perfect marriage is NOT inoculation to Affairs. At least this was the case with my marriage.

In her case, it was a sense of attractiveness from the attention of a man other than her husband. She said (paraphrasing) "Of course you think I'm pretty, you're supposed to...or at least supposed to say that you do. But when a man I don't know thinks I'm beautiful, that sent a tingle down my spine."

As husbands, we cannot compete with that!

Nor as wives of attractive men with HUGE egos, who are selfish and feel like they are owed a certain amount of laud to feed the ego, no matter how false or how falsely acquired....I can't compete with someone 8 years older than my husband, fake in everyway, and free to do as she pleases with whom ever she pleases, including some very close to my husband....my guts just ache every day....and the sex we have is and has been better than what he got...or so he says, kindof makes ya wonder what the hell he was doing....doesn't it....maybe you guys can tell me....the anger, no rage you see now has not always been here....nor the sadness

"We werent able to take a family vacation last year and this coming year the budget would be extremely tight. She was looking at having to go back to work "fulltime" for the first time ever being married after 10 years"

Boo hoo, poor thing.....she has to get a job. What does she think it's 1955?

BTW, I haven't had a vacation....even a small one in a decade.

Depression makes people do stupid things.

I've seen people destroy their family finances, ruin relationships with their children, partake in "self medicating" (drugs/alcohol), and yes, cheat on their partners.

When they say "Depression Hurts" - they aren't kidding. They just neglect to mention how much depression hurts OTHER PEOPLE, not just the person who is depressed.

Allora totally nailed it! Depressed people tend to make unhealthy choices. My husband sure did! He wandered around like a cord desperately looking for wall outlet after wall outlet to "plug in to instant happiness." Depression is... depressing just to witness!

Amazing,

All I read is the rationalization of A, again if this is acceptable.

I am feeling so sad tonight thinking I may go to tavern and drink all day at 3pm go out and run over some school kids.

Is this accpetable, why after you heard of my saddness you must understand my reasoning for perfoming such an horrorfic act.

Cigarrman - your correct people have to take responsibilty for their actions or coming actions but I also think people are just weak and some much weaker then others - its not an excuse its just - the way it is I guess.

Doesnt give them a pass. Just their narriative for stupidity.

Totally agree!

"He was depressed" is your justification to make amends? So, in future, he gets depressed again and has another affair, that would be ALL OK and forgiven again?

His depression may lead to, say, gambling addiction and he squanders your life savings at the Casino...OK?

When and where do you draw the line?!