Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
STBX was meant to come to see our daughter yesterday. He had a lot on but we worked around it so that he could come home around midnight and spend the day with her taking her out. I was at a birthday party of a good friends and daughter was at home with one brother (not always around, goes clubbing, but she had a friend stay over so I thought she would be okay till that time.
Well I arrived home at 1 pm, no H, I knew and had reminded him of the last train home previously which would be around midnight. I phoned him, phoned switched off, then more phone calls went straight onto vm.
Well he never arrived home until 7 am this morning. His reasons were that he and this mate got drunk and he fell asleep at his place, didn't hear the phone at all. He swears all innocent, they were celebrating the success of a business venture they are both involved in (which I do Know is true)
I think you all know my previous postings about his long term affair. I dont want reconciliation, he does. So of course the inevitable rows ensue and he is begging and pleading that its not what I think, I've said it all as usual, you were with someone or OW, you know how I would feel so WHY? and so on and so on..he's just won't let up on how much he wants it to work, he loves us sooo much , on and on.
But you know what, I am so tired, so worn out with it all I am seriously thinking about just letting him come home , I just want my life back, I don't want this crap figthting, arguing, nastiness, money worries, unhappy children, you name it....I don't want to do it anymore. He wants to come back and make it work, so I am going to just let him, I'm broken today, my resolve has gone...............wouldn't it be just so easy for me, financially, happy children, I've done it once , I can do it again Please help. I just can't stop crying.
Well I arrived home at 1 pm, no H, I knew and had reminded him of the last train home previously which would be around midnight. I phoned him, phoned switched off, then more phone calls went straight onto vm.
Well he never arrived home until 7 am this morning. His reasons were that he and this mate got drunk and he fell asleep at his place, didn't hear the phone at all. He swears all innocent, they were celebrating the success of a business venture they are both involved in (which I do Know is true)
I think you all know my previous postings about his long term affair. I dont want reconciliation, he does. So of course the inevitable rows ensue and he is begging and pleading that its not what I think, I've said it all as usual, you were with someone or OW, you know how I would feel so WHY? and so on and so on..he's just won't let up on how much he wants it to work, he loves us sooo much , on and on.
But you know what, I am so tired, so worn out with it all I am seriously thinking about just letting him come home , I just want my life back, I don't want this crap figthting, arguing, nastiness, money worries, unhappy children, you name it....I don't want to do it anymore. He wants to come back and make it work, so I am going to just let him, I'm broken today, my resolve has gone...............wouldn't it be just so easy for me, financially, happy children, I've done it once , I can do it again Please help. I just can't stop crying.
Whatever you decide is for sure your decision. Just ask yourself a few questions before you allow him back in:
while he is out there having the seemingly time of his life and living it up until 7 am in the morning, what has he DONE to show you and the kids that you are all so worth it? I mean it seems like he is REALLY busy, perhaps he squeezed in a book or a counseling session somewhere? Or is he just full of piss and vinegar saying how much he loves you but doing nothing to prove it.
how did he treat you BEFORE the affair? You'll end up going mad and probably slapping him upside the head with a pan if he comes home and you not only have to deal with your feelings from the affair, but also those other issues- if they are bad enough.
Is this what you really want? I had read that your days are so much better without him?
You can still have the money and not him. Just remember youre his wife- you can obtain alimony pendente lite as well ( alimony pending the divorce) and child support even if you two are not divorced and if he makes a lot of cash, thats just more for you as well. You did kind of raise a home and his kids while he became successful so youre entitled.
As far as him not standing up to fatherly duties when you two are apart- thats something that will never change unfortunately.
Whatever you decide, go for it. Just please dont sell your soul to calm some nerves. Decide which ones are bigger,which ones are worth it and which ones are not.
Good luck to you.
You have to follow your heart and make your own decisions. Most of all you have to look to his actions to see if he is making changes to rebuild the trust that was lost.
The ladies are right, he can say anything he wants, but his actions are the true measure of his heart. Actions take more effort than spouting what he thinks you want to hear. I understand your feelings of being broken down, but where will you be 6 months form now? Will you be happy or will you be sad and even more broken , lacking any self respect you had?
I agree with Betrayed, the decision is yours to make, but do it for the right reasons.
Hell, if he is doing that to win you over, what will he do when he returns and the dust settles?
He does not respect you or your feelings.
The ladies are right, this is your decision and yours alone. The kids don't have a say in this. They will soon be out living their own lives. In the end their happiness won't depend on whether he stays or goes. YOUR LIFE is the only one that will be affected, LONG TERM!
Frankly, I wouldn't believe him if his tongue came notarized. He's telling you what you want to hear, while 'doing his own thing'. He's using half truths to cover up his crap. If he had something to celebrate, why wouldn't he want to celebrate with his family? You know, the family he 'desparately' wants back.
A father who disappoints his daughter because he had a victory at work (WTF). Does this not tell you anything about his character? Not to mention the fact that he has that previous record of being a LONG TERM CHEATER AND LIAR (and I'll bet he still gets plenty of practice at both).
He says, "it's not what you think", honey, it's always what you think. Don't kid yourself!
You've done it once, and you can do it again. Look where that got you.
You're broken and down today. THIS IS NOT A GOOD DAY TO MAKE AN IMPORTANT DECISION!! You don't really want to keep going through the same turmoil because you made a bad decision on a bad day.
Make whatever decision you feel is best, but make it with your eyes wide open!
Also, why haven't you limited your contact with him? The only contact you really need to have is about business (where's the check, here are the kids.) You did say YOU don't want to reconcile. What HE wants really doesn't matter at all!!
Sending strength.....
Everyone has pretty much said what I would say. You have to evaluate your situation carefully. The fact that he didn't call which is a very simple, basic thing should be a huge red flag.
Be strong!
Not a great day to make a huge decision!
He needs to learn to respect you, your time, and your boundaries.
He needs to be consistently there for his kids.
He seems to plea one thing, and do another.
Just take your time, breathe, and take more time!
I guess I was just so damn tired and emotional, it got to me, was just looking for an easy route out the the crap!!!
You all pointed out for me the obvious reasons of not even entertaining a reconciliation.
Blindsided you did make me laugh, and you made me sit up and really think how stupid I was being, thanks