Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I am quickly losing hope for a reconciliation. The night my H called me crying, he sounded desperate to have me back. However, I don't feel he is working as hard as he can to show me any changes. I have joined this group, started therapy a week after DDay, read numerous articles (some of which I have sent to him to read), and most importantly, talked to him and given him more consideration than he gave me in the 5 months iof his affair fog. He has asked me what I need from him. I need for him to do the research that I have. I have become obsessed with looking for positive stories so that I may find a reason to take him back and any possibility that it can work. I expressed this to him tonight and he told me that he has been so busy between work and coaching our son that he has not been able to fully research anything. During his affair, he was coaching our son in soccer, leading cub scouts and working extra hours, but still managed to find time to betray me, which I calmly pointed out to him. I should not be working this hard to find a reason to hold on. He should be working harder to show me a reason. He has always been a hard worker at his job, but more blas about things outside of that. I was hoping that this meant more to him. I guess time will tell what is meant to be.
My husband gave me words, I returned, to find his contact was still on. I felt worse than first time I found it. I couldn't take it and I separated for quite many months. This time I was more determined and worked well on putting myself together. This time on, he came really clean and I could give a chance.
Maybe you don't need your mate to help you find reasons - maybe you need to pay attention, watch things closely and figure out if you can find your own reasons and go from there?
I don't know if you have but if you haven't, try counseling. Instead of asking your husband to read other folks stories, get him to speak up about what could have caused, trigger the affair so that you can figure out if it's a character flaw about him or a rare ONE time deal. Some folks are prone to cheating, others have more self control.
Figure out if your situation has a true chance by looking at the entire picture realistically, not by comparing your story to other people's stories.
Good luck.
If that second chance had been offered and he squanders it, then that's his choice. If he's not found the work and putting forth a genuine effort to be a better husband then it seems to me like he is helping your make your choice.
I know it sucks but consider a trial separation. That was very helpful for me 3 years ago when we were 1 year into our rebuild from d day. We had been rebuilding but living separetly but when I began to have serious conflict about "if" I even wanted my marriage I took a few months to breath and clear my head. That gave him time to decide if he wanted to make the changes I needed from him.
It's ok if they don't want to change but they (we too) need to figure out our deal breakers from our partner and what we feel we can reasonably change in ourselves and expect them to change.
Good luck. I hope your figure this out.
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