Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

4,945 Members
18,074 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Infidelity Support Group

Laundry

kansasgirl1970
kansasgirl1970
Ok, so with only being 7 weeks out from dday, I am still finding out what my triggers may be.
Today I was folding laundry, do do to do, la di da, no big deal and BAM!
I'm folding a pair of h's underwear and it hit me like a ton of bricks, " I wonder which underwear he was wearing on Aug. 21 when he met with tow and they had sex?" I had couple thoughts simultaniously: first thought, was I wonder if they were newer ones, or some of the older rattier ones( I have to sneak the older ones out gradually replacing, I swear he never wants to throw them away) and ok crazy like stepford wife thought was like " omg how embarrassing for me if he had on ratty old underwear" lmao ok ridiculous I know, second thought was somewhere between anger and disgust, immediately followed by omg tomorrow when he goes back to work after the break I have to throw every pair away and go buy all new.
And thennnn I was pissed cuz not only do I feel compelled to buy him all new underwear, but also pissed off that I felt like a bad wife for him having a couple pair of old shorts still hanging around.
GRRRRR...
kansasgirl1970
kansasgirl1970
Oh and Duh it's not like I havent done laundry in the 7 weeks since dday,, usually every other day,,,,,,,, but all of a sudden today. Sucks.
deleted_user
deleted_user
yep. His undies did it for me too. Then he moved out and I don't wash his clothes anymore. Another is his wedding ring.....which he still wears. Everytime I see it on his hand I want to punch him in the face, but at the same time it gives me a glimmer of hope that he might not really be done with me. He has not seen OW in 3 years. Decided to tell me about it in September and then all hell broke loose.
I think with time it will decrease.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It doesn't stop with the underwear.....sounds...smells...songs....food. i believe we analize it way more than them. If they even do at all!? If it were up to me I would embroider "Mr. Fill in last name here" into all their boxers!
lisalisa72
lisalisa72
I remember thinking "OMG - I wonder if she was in our car" We got rid of the one he had at the time - but if she had been in it that sucker might have gotten torched.
kansasgirl1970
kansasgirl1970
Ugh Lisa, she Was in his car, they drove around looking at tornado damage and went to Sonic and got a soda :( . His car is paid for, and I just made last payment on my mini-van last month, Original plan was to go a year without a car payment to pay down some other bills, but ughh idk if I can wait.. Yeah and when I asked him if she was in his car, n he said yes, one of my first thoughts then was ohhh jeez how dirty was it? Cuz he always has it a mess, food wrappers, snack cake wrappers from vending machine at work, soda bottles etc. I clean it out fairly regularly, and I was wracking my brain to remember if it was clean aug 21 when he went there. I was embarassed it might have been dirty. How sick is that?
deleted_user
deleted_user
It only proves that as women, the circumstances, the specifics of the A are of prime importance, the same way we remember details about our romantic history with our CS. And I agree, we analyze, overanalyze, obssess, fill in blanks and start all over again. Which frankly is exhausting!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel differently about this. I only know about an EA and in R have decided to believe(for now) that no PA happened.

I get angry when I picture myself unclogging a toilet, washing his clothes,making dinner for him, worrying about him, taking care of our kids, working my ass off in this house and @work.

And he had the nerve to give someone else, another woman something that belonged to me. The kind words and the loving looks... things like that.

I was/am a good wife and his disrespect for our family is what cuts me so badly.
kansasgirl1970
kansasgirl1970
Lis, I know what you mean. H was chatting online with tow, there was only one real life sexual encounter, but the emails flew back n forth from june to nov, and the sweet words and missing yous and love yous and explicit sex chat,,it's like a knife. Yeah I've got mind movies of the sex, and triggers like the damned underwear, and it sucks, but the emotion that was in play in his fantasy land,,it's killer.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Things will be popping up and slapping you in the face when you least expect it. It sucks. :(
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was doing laundry after dday (getting ready to move out) I threw his shorts in his face and told him to get them the f away from me. He quietly walked them to the dumpster. Myh is right. These triggers keep happening, even though I am not with him anymore.. Just an innocent memory leads to a what if...
pinkpony66
pinkpony66
Kansas, I too have had those silly thoughts. My H A resulted in a child that I found out about on dd 19 months ago. I have since learned to involve the child in our lives however, the first time he came to my house I cleaned like crazy. I thought I'll be damned if he goes back to his mom and says that my house was dirty or smelly. The A lasted nearly 3 years. At that time in our marriage we often fought about the house and how messy it was. I assume he told her too he says he didn't but I can't imagine that he didn't justify his A with complaints of his wife. Both time he came here where very brief visits but next weekend he will have his first sleepover. There are rooms that need a lot of work. I still get this feeling of wanting the house to be decent so he goes back with nothing about my house keeping skills. The logical and f##ck that bitch part of me says "I don't give a sh#t what the bitch thinks of me but the insecure bs part of me wants to prove I'm a good wife.
LyraAryn
LyraAryn
I had some of the same thoughts. The triggers are incredible and so very unexpected, aren't they?
However, I wouldn't buy him new underwear. I would throw his underwear out, but I wouldn't buy him new ones.; \

For awhile, I wouldn't wash his clothes. I threw them in a pile all by themselves. If he left clean clothes in the dryer, I would take those and throw them somewhere, too. It sickened me to even touch them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Pink,Having a messy house is not what defines you. My house is not the cleanest either. Having an A with another womans H is way worse than how a wife keeps her house. Good lord woman, you have 4 kids! I have 3 and as soon as i get one room clean they wreck another!It is never ending. If I kept my house pristine, I would be screaming at the kids all the time and trapped here constantly. I get bummed about the house sometimes too, but you have to let it go sometimes. When the child gets there just try to focus on getting to know him and encouraging your h and kids to do the same.Make cookies w/ him or sumpin' That's what he will remember.... not the house.
kansasgirl1970
kansasgirl1970
Pink I understand where you're coming from. I also agree with Lis,, kids dont remember the messy house,, they remember having fun there.
kansasgirl1970
kansasgirl1970
Ok I tried to put it away and I couldn't. Since yesterday the underwear thing just kept playing over and over in my head. I finally gave in to it, threw all h's underwear away. All new underwear in the dryer now. I'm losing my sanity.