Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have been thinking lately about how short life really is. As far as the mess we all find ourselves in. I ask myself questions like " if me H got really sick or badly hurt what would I do?" Of course I know I wouldn't leave his side. And also "Do I think that I'm on my way to divorce?" The answer to that is no. My father died at the age of 57 so I really do know how short life can be. So I try and tell myself to keep these things in mind as far as getting past this. I do try, but I have found that this is such a powerful thing! I tell myself to remember what I still have, instead of concentrating on what I've lost. But some days it is hard to keep all of that in perspective. Just wondering if anybody else has had this same conversation with themselves. And there is also the issue of my tattoo! I got it to surprise my H when I went to visit my family alone about 4 years ago. He never thought I would be able to do it. Nobody did! I'm not real tough. And it did hurt alot! Anyway, we had been married for 24 years at the time so I thought it would be safe. And I also thought that I was past Dday. Some of you might remember how I found out "the rest of the story" this past July. Anyway, would you believe that that came to mind if I got a divorce?! I thought I am going to have to go get his name colored in! I can hardly go around with my X name tattooed on my body. This situation does some crazy things to people!
Came across this quote the other day:
"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in-between we fear. It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to."
-- Marilyn Ferguson, author
When I get like that I try to remind myself that we made many, many, many changes to salvage our marriage. We both also came to the realization that we truly did love one another. We both recognized the things we were doing that had created the communication breakdown.
I try to focus on where I am NOW not where I was then. I can not change the past. I can learn from it and move on. Daily I wage a war in my mind - trying to conquer and keep out the bad thoughts - the comparisons - and the angst. My H and I have something new and better. In fact, neither of us are the same people that we were when dday came.
I work hard to build myself up by focusing on what is happening now rather than tear myself down by looking back at what was.
Life is short. I commented on this very fact in my journal yesterday. Yes, I got dealt a sorry stack of cards....but others get dealt crappy cards too - maybe they got a cancer diagnosis - maybe their home burned down - or they buried a child this week - or they lost a job - most everyone has adversity in their lives. We can lay down and get stuck in it or put on our combat boots and march onward. I am marching onward and trying my darndest find happiness in my life.
After Dday I actually sat down and made a list of the pros and cons in my marriage. Aside from the affair, the pros outweighed the cons which was part of the reason I decided to stay and try to work things out. If my marriage had been bad it would have been much easier to walk away.
Everyday I think of all the things that I am grateful for.
This has been my experience. I think part of you will always feel it isn't good...and that's the result of betrayal. That part of you...and the marriage...that was destroyed by infidelity...doesn't exist anymore. And will never occur again in the marriage. It can't. Open trust...feeling whole..and good...fully loved and appreciated. Not possible. Not once it's been proven a lie. So...the answer is no...and you have to be willing to live with "part" of a marriage. That's ok too. Because any time you trust someone, there is the possibility they will betray that trust. Whether it's this mate...or another. So, if having a mate is important, then it is a risk you take...always. You took that risk already...and was betrayed. So, now it's done. What more can be done?