Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Friday night I finally got proof that my husband was cheating on me. We were supposed to leave for Vegas on Sunday morning. He had a conference for work and I was going along and we were using the trip as a chance to rekindle our stressed relationship. I'm so disappointed I didn't get to go. He had to go because it was for work and we've been apart since Saturday.
I'm so sick I just want to curl up and die. Even when people have died I have not felt this bad. I don't know how to cope. At first I was just wicked angry and wanted him dead. Now that a few days have passed I'm actually just depressed and actually want him back. I'm trying so hard to forgive him. Our marriage was far from perfect and after just one session in counsling I could see that. The problem is he had plenty of time to end his affair when I started to change but he didn't.
I know this JUST happened and I shouldn't be making decisions about my future right now but I'm feeling like I have to and it's hard to ignore. I am ashamed and feel weak saying that I actually want to try and fix our marriage if it's possible. I just can't imagine my life without him.
I'm suffering from severe anxiety and have lost 9 pounds since Thursday. I can't eat because I'm so sick over this and not eating is making me sicker. Can anyone help me? Am I foolish for thinking I want to stay with him? I really took him forgranted and rejected him in our marriage and want the chance to make it right. I don't want him to move out. I don't want to spend the rest of my life without him. I don't want to start over. I don't want anything but my life back. I'm overanalyzing things so much I'm making myself crazy.
We're going to counseling on Friday and I just cannot wait for that day to get here. The week is going soooooo slow. How did you all feel after you found out? I really need help. BADLY!
I'm so sick I just want to curl up and die. Even when people have died I have not felt this bad. I don't know how to cope. At first I was just wicked angry and wanted him dead. Now that a few days have passed I'm actually just depressed and actually want him back. I'm trying so hard to forgive him. Our marriage was far from perfect and after just one session in counsling I could see that. The problem is he had plenty of time to end his affair when I started to change but he didn't.
I know this JUST happened and I shouldn't be making decisions about my future right now but I'm feeling like I have to and it's hard to ignore. I am ashamed and feel weak saying that I actually want to try and fix our marriage if it's possible. I just can't imagine my life without him.
I'm suffering from severe anxiety and have lost 9 pounds since Thursday. I can't eat because I'm so sick over this and not eating is making me sicker. Can anyone help me? Am I foolish for thinking I want to stay with him? I really took him forgranted and rejected him in our marriage and want the chance to make it right. I don't want him to move out. I don't want to spend the rest of my life without him. I don't want to start over. I don't want anything but my life back. I'm overanalyzing things so much I'm making myself crazy.
We're going to counseling on Friday and I just cannot wait for that day to get here. The week is going soooooo slow. How did you all feel after you found out? I really need help. BADLY!
But you do need to force yourself to eat, and attempt to sleep, and take care of business! Your physical health, is what I'm referring to. Friday will be here in two days. It will do no one any good, if you refuse to eat, get sick, lightheaded, and maybe even have an accident while driving, due to fainting, because you refused to take care of yourself.
For now, pull yourself up by your big girl panties. There ain't a dang thing that you can do about him, right now. But you can do something about yourself.
Eat, hydrate yourself, get some sleep, and make a bunch of calls. See if you can get to a therapist today, and deal with the deeper issues, his betrayal. Cuz now, all you are doing is adding more issues (health) to it, and it sure doesn't help anyone to think straight either. Yes, your brain is mush, it's part of the huge devastation.
Call a few best friends, or trusted family members, and even a hotline if you have to. But right now, you are in charge of yourself, so it's your job, to survive, and get yourself what you need.
Get to a therapist asap, and if need be call a hotline.
I agree with blond in that your health (mental, and physical), need to be attended to. As time passes and your in therapy you will go through many emotions. You may question your choice to try to work it out, or you may not. You will likely have highs and lows and ds is a great place to visit when you need to outlook of others
Right now you ate in the raw and very painful beginning stages of this and it can seem like there is no light at the end but there is. Wether rebuilding ends up being the right decision or not, there is light at the end of all of this. I'm glad you found us but sorry that you are going through so much pain.
How do I find the forum on rebuilding your marriage after infidelity? I looked but couldn't find it.
Here you go.
Blonde is right...you need to try and eat whatever you can and rest as much as you can.
You will be going through an emotional roller coaster. Try and get some friends/family to listen. They don't need to help you fix the situation...just listen. Share your thoughts and feelings...good or bad.
I actually had one friend sit in front of me repeating all the hurtful things my CS said to me. The raw emotion that I was holding in was finally released and it felt good...if nothing else for the moment. Was the best nights sleep I had in a long time.
Get into counseling ASAP. They can help you through these emotions as well. You can't ignore them but you can manage them as best as you can.
So here have been able to rebuild some have not. It takes both of you to be 100% committed to repairing this damage and unfortunately you have no control over what your H will do at this point. Just focus on yourself....your health is the most important thing right now.
Don't be afraid to come back and post either to vent or ask for help. We all have unfortunately been through this and know exactly how you are feeling.
Hang in there...it does get better with time.
HUGS!!!!!!!!
Last month was minute by minute, and now I feel like I am ok hour by hour. Im not crying every second, and I am keeping very busy, talking, texting, working out, being with kids, and even spending time with my husband. Im trying to figure our marriage out with counseling. I love my husband, and although I can now see what I did to help create his unhappiness, the affair is NOT my fault. I am trying to forgive, and everyday is a challenge. I really cant see eer forgetting, how could you forget such a thing? You are not stupid for loving your husband or trying to work this out.
Right now you should take care of yourself! Everyday is a little easier. Just hang in there, I promise it will get better!
Forget friday for. Moment. You MUST take care of yourself first. Your health is in danger. Trust me, I know thesesigns & how quickly they can 'win' if you dont get them under control.
Eating: anxiety is the main reason you can't eat. When I had this I was at least able to drink Boost shakes. Milk, fruit. Juices, yogurt.
See if these cold, easy to swallow things will work for you. I found anything I had to chew was just like cardboard.
Get yourself into your doc AND your counselor. Tell them you're in crisis, how much weight you've lost, etc.
Your marriage comes second right now, and from now on. Please don't just 'hang on' til the next MC appt. You need more. Now.
Unfortunately, what you are going through right now is pretty much what the rest of us have been through. Some of us have been able to rebuild our marriage and some have called it quits. Some people were not given a choice when their spouse chose to leave for the OP. There is no way to now which way things will turn out for you, so the best thing you can do it take care of yourself and get through this one day at a time.
If you feel you love you husband and he is worth fighting for, then fight! If you think he is an ass who has hurt you in the past and is likely to continue being less than what you deserve, maybe its time to move on and finally have a better life.
Nobody can tell you what to do. It may take weeks or even months before the answer is clear to you. As one of our dear freinds here has said many times, you will know when you are DONE. Come here often. Cry, yell, ask questions and know that you are never alone. Many of us feel we owe our lives to this place.
...but I do have another 2 cents...
You need to make sure that you are looking at this clearly. There are two different issues at work here.
1) You had problems in your marriage.
2) He chose to cheat.
Those two issues should not ever be confused, What. Never. They are separate issues.
Dont ever be thinking, 'hey, I was awful and that is why he turned to someone else.' Not true. He made a choice to turn to someone else, using your shakey marriage as an excuse. That was his choice. His Alone.
Work very hard to keep those issues separate. You had a hard marriage but it was his choice to do what he did. Those problems were IN the marriage and he stepped OUT on his own.
Don't kick yourself.
If he doesn't end his affair, tell him to move out.
Sending you support, L~