I'm sorry to hear this.

There's lots of supportive people on this board. Can you give us a little more information?

How old are you? How old is she?
How long married?
Do you have kids?

It does sound like she is not wanting to be married. This has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong. She has been lying and keeping big things from you for a long time. I can understand how you would be very upset.

Really sorry to hear that,
Give yourself some time to process this information, do not react very quickly. Once you have control over your emotions, sit down and have a talk. writing down points beforehand may be helpful. Set expectations.
Most of all trust your instincts!
Take care, we will get by with this too ...

Thank you or the encouraging words. I am 52 my wife is 49. We have been married 28 years, together for 32. We have 2 children still at home. Daughter 24 and son 21 with cerebral palsy, he will never leave, and complicates things so much. We both work so hard to give him a good life, and hard to believe she would put that in jeopardy.She is all I have known for most of my life. It is so hard to think she could do this to me.

Thanks for giving us more info. It helps with what we might say... We are here to support YOU.

In your situation, I would suggest marital counseling. And, individual counseling for yourself. After all, you have been through a trauma, and you need to talk to someone, too. Pick two different therapists, though.

Is your wife very remorseful? Does she want to work this out with you? I can't figure out why she would do what she did, but a therapist could help you two figure out how to move forward.

How do you feel about things? Do you want to work it out?

Self care is important for your mental well being now. Keep up with getting a good night's sleep (best you can), eat healthy, get plenty of exercise. Talk to and see your friends. Stay in touch with family members.

You're going to be okay, no matter what happens. You will survive this.

Thank you, I am not even sure if I want to work this out. I have not left yet, and I am in counseling and we started couples counseling as well. I’m just not sure I can ever forgive. I know I can’t forget. I still don’t know why? How could someone do this and never think about the outcome? Was I supposed to be ok with it?

It's normal to want to know Why. Unfortunately, you might ever know why. We can't read people's minds or know why they decided to do what they did. They made these choices, willingly.

Could be hormonal changes in her, her wondering what she missed out on by marrying young.... who knows???

Just know it wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. Keep up with your individual counseling for sure. Start thinking about what you want for the rest of YOUR life.

Beginning to realize it wasn't my fault. But still wish I could have done something sooner. Should have trusted my instincts more.

I had the same experience two years ago ... I still got really angry about it ... hope you can deal with it well

I can relate. I'm recovering from a serial cheater as well. Sorry your son with cerebral palsy complicates things. Understandable and good to hear you are both trying to make his life happy despite the infidelity.

Well your not alone , thats for sure I'm in the same boat , but I have learned in the past 2 yrs my wife is a Narcississcts ... I learned 2 yrs ago by a scorned g/friend of his
she contacte me her coworker ( school bus drivers ) ... she was to be at his place a few times split shift lunch dates , and late feild trips , now today the peices of the puzzles come into light when i askes " were you ever at his house ? " her repied shocked me I didnt get a yes or a no i got " Nothing Happened , it was all talk " but? there was 2 times she came home smelling like mans cologne same scent .. then i knew phone calls I wont be home today have a feild trip , or dont wait up i'll be late ... so basicaly after 10 yrs of being a S/bus driver 9 yrs has been tainted , now we talk about it i get it stress;s me out or its pushing me away ..or you never were husband and I could have left you yrs ago , funny I replied um ok but you made a choice to go to another mans home and I'm suspose to be A-O-K with that nope .. so 37 yrs she tossed out the window her first affair happened in 10/95 i caught her tongue wrestling at her Job
should had no better then and begged me not to leave , but i told her I'm not going any where so I forgave moved on renewed our vows ( that was a waste ) So recent I asked if she wanted a divorce No she said i asked why? couldnt answer me So I ahve learned what she has become and? watched Karma kick her in the ass with weight gain .. so? we live like room mates sorry i needed to vent i get no answers to move on Kinda hard the 2nd time around

She has free will to do the right thing or not. Everything you have written is normal feelings and you have the right to feel how you feel.

And her cheating is not about you or your fault. When I say don't take it personally that means don't take ownership or beat yourself up. She has to take ownership for her actions, this is not about you as you. If I was a man and married to her, she would have cheated on me also. She cheated based on something damaged or broken inside of herself. I suspect she has cheated before as usually this is pretty old for a woman to suddenly start cheating. But one never knows. People do all kinds of stupid stuff in life. It is not about you nor did you cause it nor is it your fault.

And if she blames you, oh brother, look out. This shows some very negative or dysfunctional personality traits. If you get blamed, start to listen and observe. If you get blamed, don't get defensive (which is hard to do). If you get blamed, oh boy, this is all on her and be aware of this negative trait she has to blame others and not take responsibility.

How did she have this much free time to go cheat if you guys have a son that needs so much care?

We humans have memories and this will fade after a while but of course we remember. Our choice is to focus on the bad or stop ruminating about it so we have peace of mind. Doesn't mean you act like a fool and allow her free rein to chase men all over town.

You ask why would someone do this. Well, my guess is she was lonely, stressed out with the needs of the son, may have a mood disorder that erupts into sexual addiction or over activity, may need to cheat to feel excitement, may have a personality disorder, needs her ego stroked, might be an alcoholic or drug user, etc. Don't say anything to this, I am throwing out some real reasons people do this stupid stuff.

I understand what you are going through. To me it was the most painful thing Iv'e ever had to go through. I would like to offer you my opinion. Their is no hope for this relationship. Your wife is addicted to the cheating. She won't stop.
I'm not a cheater Iv'e never done it . It takes a specially selfish person to cheat . They believe that their needs and wants hold priority to their partners. They're also chickenshit because they won't leave, their's something comfortable about staying with you weather it is familiararity or financial she"s not totally letting go. In doing so she's taking you on a ride full of deceit and poison .
You need to leave like I did. Collect the pieces that she has left you in and rebuild like I did.