Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I was just wondering why when an affair is exposed, and everything is somewhat out in the open ,why do in some cases ,like mine, my H decided he then knew what he wanted, I guess I don't understand why have the affair at all, if he wanted her then why not just leave ? why stay for almost 15 months that I think this might have been going on ,it was not lack of intimacy, we never argued or fought we have been together for almost 15 years I guess some lingering questions, how can they live double lives ? why stay? they work together, do you think the ow/om feels any guilt , about destroying a family, ? do you think they feel anything at all? I was horrified to find out that the statistics revealed that 48% of most affairs go on with out being discovered, everything that you all have been through ,would you rather not know,? some women I talk to say that they wished they would of never found out, Im a firm beleiver in Karma, and in my case the ow , she no longer has a job at my H shop, the owners found out and "Layed" her off ,Her H found out and kicked her out, now she has no job and is living with a friend and she blames my H, and she actually blames me, she blames me for wrecking her life, she said she had the best fo both worlds two men wining and dining her, then I "His God damn wife found out " and ruined everything ,.. I mean why not bow out with whats left of your dignity and take what you got coming with some self respect. Its like a card my BF sent me, "LIfe is like a play written by a madman played out on the stage of an insane asylum" Im starting to find some humor, and I am moving past the hurt and anger, I don't know who I pitied worse myself or this ow, because at the end of the day, she's alone ,and miserable,
Yea why do they stay? It's such a cop out. Why sneak around if you don't want to be married anymore. I will never understand that.
And that statistic is scary. I just don't know if I have the courage to get married again. I don't believe ex cheated on my before he asked for a divorce but he technically did after he moved in with OW after announcing. When he asked for a divorced we lived in another state and moved back home and that's when he started seeing someone but we were still married and I found out about it from my 4 and 5 year olds.
And how unbelievable of this woman to say you ruined her life. What a self centered biotch.
What happens though, is when they are found out, they leave not because they really want out of the marriage, but because they don't want to stick around for what they know is coming next.
In other words, they are just plain cowardly.
They don't have what it takes to admit their mistake(s) and then do what they have to do in order to fix the mess they made.
This should come as no great surprise, considering they didn't have what it takes (character and strength) to keep themselves from making the mess in the first place.
We aren't talking about emotionally healthy people here. They make poor decisions, at best. And then, they carry out those decisions in secret and they manipulate and deceive the people who love them.
Not much of what they do will make sense to someone who wouldn't make the same poor choices. Therefore, this forum is full of people who are asking, "WHY???"
I am positive that had I not sat my husband down and told him I knew he was having an affair, he would still be living with me, telling me regularly that he loves me, treating me like he cherished me, and making me believe that we had a solid, loving, committed relationship. But, once he realized his gig was up, he ran like his life depended on it, and of course, I went from the love of his life, the woman he adored and was so proud of, to World's Worst Wife, in less than 60 seconds. Literally, he was hugging me one minute and telling me how proud he was of me, and the next, he was planning his exit and telling me what a horrible wife I was and that he hadn't *really* loved me for most of our marriage. As my shrink says about it..."How convenient."
They stay because they want to. They leave because they want to. Who knows how they can make that jump in a nano-second. If we could jump in their minds and see what they think and feel, it would scare the sh*t out of most of us.
Plus you know, if it doesnt work out with the ow/om... they wouldnt want to be alone, they have US to run back to.
Groan. Im going to cheat from now on. I swear it.
As for therapists and counselors, they are trained to tell us what we need to hear, what we want to hear, and then lead us down an already predetermined path. These people can convince anyone their reality is wrong and completely change someone's perceptions. It's all mind games. Now I'm not saying that's bad if that's what you want from them, but there is no answer to why people cheat, why they stay, or why they leave.