I wish I could send this article to stbx and OW. They were dating in front of my face and then all of their bullshit had me apologizing to THEM for doubting them! When I think about it now, I am almost embarassed that I was fooled and treated that way.

Gaslighting is just cruel...I really do think it's emotionally abusive.

L~

Mim, your ex sounds like a real piece of work!!

This just happened to me yesterday. I won't go into details because I've posted it in another thread and I'm sure you are all sick of hearing me talk! But anyway, I caught my husband redhanded in a lie. He said he knew it was me and that he was sick of playing MY games. I had to go ahead and play games (catch him cheating) and ruin everything. Now the kids Thanksgiving will be ruined. He said this to me and for a second I felt bad. Then I realized that was bat shit crazy, but a few weeks ago, before finding this site, I would have been the one apologizing to him.

Oh my gosh! Mu marriage has been founded on this term! My husband always pulled out the "your controlling" card just to shut me down. No! I'm responsible ass hole!

I'm sorry your mom is an alcoholic and I would rather not visit her for Thanksgiving so she poke at me in every possible way while you choose to not stand up for me! Our kids don't appreciate how we are off playing while you fix your mothers computer the entire visit either! Ahh!!!

Funny story: One time my friend jokingly accused my H of getting a new pair of shoes from his girlfriend. After she left he was really mad at me. I had no clue why until he said I always attack him when he comes home from work??? Where was this coming from??? Yep...he was cheating.

Thanks for sharing. This has been the story of my life.

You're not your! Ugh we need an edit button!

Myhsucks, over the last year away from him, I am seeing what he really was. It makes me sad that I gave so much of myself to someone that treated me that way. I always thought abuse was hitting, yelling, swearing and namecalling. He is passive aggressvie. Ridiculously so. When I pretty much caught him, and we went to MC the counselor asked him if he was having an affair. He said no. By the end of the session, I was crying and apologizing for doubting him. I will never doubt myself again. I knew him, she didn't. I was right. Gaslighting....he did it ALL the time. It's because of DS that I now see what a terrible marriage I had!

More than anything, mim, you saw the person you wanted him to be because that's the face he showed you for so long. It feels like a cruel joke. And to think, we all played along with it, when there were always red flags!

Education is everything. Two of my favorite books since my D-Day are: "Help! I'm in Love with a Narcissist!" and "Dating a Married Man: Memoirs From the Other Women." Talk about eye-opening reading! You get to see both sides of it, and realize that you're not the one with the problems, it's the CS.

I hope everybody finds happiness within ourselves. Because we're responsible for our own happiness. And no one else.

Ok. We as women have so many things to think about. How about our jobs, our kids, all the noses we have wiped, the up all nights....all the small menial tasks we perform through out the day. OMG- laundry, dishes.... freakin' infinite. We had a RIGHT to trust our H's. I don't personally have the time or inclination to even look for these "red flags". This is their bad and not on us.

L, I think anything that contributes to the decline of ones spirit is emotional abuse.

Lissette, I totally agree!!!

L~

Yall won't believe but my H did

ooops... It was a drive-by gaslighting!!!! I know what to call i now. I'm gonna call him out on this one at MC. That's right... I am telling on him!
Hes been gassing my light for a while now!

Good for you, Lisette, just expect him to try and turn it around on you. It's really quite childish, but really, most emotionally immature people are stuck at the age where they decided to become this way. So, don't be surprised ...

One more thing, Lisette, it really IS their bad. i couldn't agree more! But we have a responsibility to not see what we want to see, but what really is going on when we have all the proof necessary.

i couldn't agree more. I once heard a PI say. If you come to me to find out if your S is cheating, then they almost always are. I saw it coming too, and didn't want to believe. I never understood why women would hide from the obvious until I got married and had kids. I mean, who wants their whlo f'n world to go mad. I am content with my little life....Some days I feel wise.... today I feel as though i cant put a thought together.
And btw hmph... he will try to turn it around on me. I usually call him on it. he is 9 yrs younger than me and it works in my favor as I can call him on his Bull S*** pretty fast.