Its been 9 months since I had found out about the night my h cheated, I have been out of touch with DS for ahwile, though the pain is fading ,and so are the images, there are day's when I think about it alot, and the pain is still there, I will always stick to my guns when I say Cheating is a choice , they make the choice to cheat, remember there are two sides to everystory , when he is crying over his beer with her in the bar telling her that our finances are in the toilet we're always broke, that's his side, my side is , gee, you have been blowing the money for the last 19 months on partying and the ow ,One thing that I have learned is that ,The cheating was not our fault ,it took me along time to finally accept this, It wasnst because I was a little chubby, or the strain of everyday life ,marriage, money , stress , kids, I put in 15 years of my life to my H, in the time when he was cheating on me he treated me terrible , like a doormat, those are the things I have a hard time letting go of ,I have read so much garbage , books , articles, watching oprah when that guy came on talking about why men cheat, and women to.. I wanted to ask him so badly if he was married I did not see a wedding ring on his finger if he was not married how could he spew pscyobabble about why men cheat, , "Ask him how is day was, '"tell him he is appreciated," What are we back in the 1950s ,, should I be waiting at the door when he comes home with a drink in my hand,I worked full time plus overtime ,taking care of a family , making ends meet, cooked and cleaned, funny thing where was my appreciation, > "how come he never asked how my day was ?" He told me once that he had been thinking about cheating for some time, this was last year 2007 and had been thinking about leaving ,I never did get an honest answere for what had happened in the last year, I probably never will , no one will ever know ,the story he told me was complete bs, I know it had to do with the woman he worked with ,he can't bring himself to tell me that because they stil work together, it's funny , how they think that no one knows ,infact everyone they worked with knew ,I knew ,I just didn't have proof , I dindt know anyone he worked with ,he kept me islolatd ,wich he worked over an hour way , nothing can ever take away the pain and hurt ,though in time it does fade, I always went with my gut instinct, I say that to anyone go with what your gut is telling you ,if you think its still going on ,then it more then likey is ,or he is still in contact with her ,I told my ow ,point blank when I secerety had her calls forwared to my phone, imagine her surprise when I said hello what the f*** are you doing calling my H... my H did't dare say a word to me he knew if he did then it would be over, he did tell me that she won't stop calling him, when he has asked her not too, I know he is not in contact with her at work because i know a friend of a friend that works with and she e mails me, he doesent know ,and she keeps a very watchful eye on him since she had been through it aswell, The best piece of advice I can give is hang in there, take care of yourself, you will get through it ,wether you stay together or call it quits, It does get easier, and there is no excuse for cheating ,you didnt do anything wrong, this was not your fault, tell him to take the blame for himself , I told my H that, i don't care what you say or do you are not putting this on me, this is not my fault, they are just trying to justify thier actions ,think about it ,they are only sorry when they get caught, where was all the begging and pleading and how much they loved you , before the affair is outed, once i told my h to get the hell out and It was over that's when things changed , I went to work everyday , I didnt want to see him, he treated me like garbage for so long the all ofa sudden he did a 180 ,calling all the time ,looking for another job, wanting to come home , wasn't sure how he felt but he does now ,he loves me and the kids, want's to work it out ,im like wow ,one minute you can't stand me and want out but once your out your fighting tooth and nail to get back in.. I spent the last 9 months in limbo, I went through severe depression, I wanted to die ,cried all the time , falling apart ,constantly asking him why ,wanting details, walking on eggshells, when did I become this person ? to inflict so much pain on the person you vowed ot spend your life with ,the mother of your kids ,your best friend, life partner, never understand it.. Did y ou know that only 8% of men who cheat actually leave thier wives, and almost 90% regeret it ,Then why????