Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I wrote this in my journal today, I thought I'd throw it out as a discussion to all in the group....
HOW ON EARTH can we monitor the betrayers lines of communication when they have so many ways of communicating with the OW? My H, the betrayer, has the following modes of communication to reach out to the OW, or any woman for that matter....
(And these are the ones I KNOW of.....)
1) Cell Phone (Email, thankfully, no text)
2) Email- Personal account & Instant chat
3) Email-Work
4) Linked-in.com email
5) Facebook.com email & Instant Chat
6) Classmates.com email
7) Consulting business website email address
8) Skype
And now, I discovered he has another email address through the OW's business! I find out now...12 weeks AFTER "D" day? Why didn't he say anything before now? I could have been beating my head against the wall reading all of these email systems, and he still has the ability to write to her through her business email!
So, it begs the question... Is transparancy really worth the effort? Does it give us a false sense of trust and security? What if it simply forces the betrayer to become more creative?
H and I had a heated conversation last night about the uselessness of this action. He suggested it's like trying to keep an alcoholic from alcohol. How is that possible? If someone really wants to drink, their loved one will NEVER be able to stop them. It really is up to the alcoholic to have the strength to stop it themselves.
I don't have an answer.
D-
HOW ON EARTH can we monitor the betrayers lines of communication when they have so many ways of communicating with the OW? My H, the betrayer, has the following modes of communication to reach out to the OW, or any woman for that matter....
(And these are the ones I KNOW of.....)
1) Cell Phone (Email, thankfully, no text)
2) Email- Personal account & Instant chat
3) Email-Work
4) Linked-in.com email
5) Facebook.com email & Instant Chat
6) Classmates.com email
7) Consulting business website email address
8) Skype
And now, I discovered he has another email address through the OW's business! I find out now...12 weeks AFTER "D" day? Why didn't he say anything before now? I could have been beating my head against the wall reading all of these email systems, and he still has the ability to write to her through her business email!
So, it begs the question... Is transparancy really worth the effort? Does it give us a false sense of trust and security? What if it simply forces the betrayer to become more creative?
H and I had a heated conversation last night about the uselessness of this action. He suggested it's like trying to keep an alcoholic from alcohol. How is that possible? If someone really wants to drink, their loved one will NEVER be able to stop them. It really is up to the alcoholic to have the strength to stop it themselves.
I don't have an answer.
D-
Someone asked me today if I would take my STBX wife back if she asked. Never thought about it, because it was up for consideration. That said, all of the reasons you state in your post would probably make me not want to reconcile because I already lived through that. Not sure I'm interested in doing that again.
And, I have felt the same way. If they want to cheat again, they will. Thats their choice. You have some too as well.
I wish I would've known about this sooner but I wouldn't be the person I am right this second if things would have happened differently. Thanks to my husband leaving me I have met the most wonderful counselor who is helping me immensely.
May the stbx and the OW live miserably ever after. This gets repeated alot, but it is so true: You reap what you sow.
D-
You are indeed, a great woman. It's such a miscarriage of justice, that these assholes has the audacity to cheat. Then they tell us they are through, and free of it. Then some of then just become sneakier and better connivers.
Yes, it is indeed an exhausting task to keep constant vigil. Who the hell wants that? Do we feel obligated to do so, so we can prove to ourselves that they indeed love us the most?
That is the crux of the situation. We want to believe them, with all our hearts....like we used to, hands down, before they pulled this crap on us.
The fact of the matter is...they did cheat!
The fact is, many will repeat with their cheat or another woman!
It gets to be so frustrating, and yet, we women, feel we have to hold down the fort, stay committed, and give them another chance,...for so many varied reasons.
So sorry you are in this situation! Keep us posted, and know that not only are you not only alone.....this has become America's past-time and epidemic, much more serious than any medical disease in this century!!!!
I hope it gets easier on us. I worry about secret prepaid cell phone--no way to find it or track it. And you can buy them for $30 just about anywhere. If they won't to cheat, they will find a way. Its harsh but true and simple. Just REALLY hard to live with.
As for our husbands, mine is like he was towards me when we were dating. I really feel his love again. Does that mean he won't cheat again?
No of course not. But even a couple just falling in love for 1st time, there is no guarentee of happily ever after, its a fairy tale. All relationships have ups and downs, no way to always be happy together. All we can do is hope the good outways the bad.
I wish you the best. Hugs to you!