No there is not anything wrong with you. It sounds like you are thinking about everyone else but yourself while she is only thinking about herself. I hope that you will find your way through this. It is terrible to feel so helpless because of the selfishness of others.

Nope, nothing wrong with you. The feeling of wanting to get rid of her while part of you wants to keep her is quite normal. Especially at the beginning of this journey.

Love rarely instantly disappears.

Part of the reason I put so much hatred onto the Other Woman was because I needed to reserve some for my husband - even though HE was the one who made vows to me.

In the end, she's the one with the problem. Not you.

*reserve some love for my husband* (sorry, should have read more carefully what I was writing before hitting add)

Nothing wrong with you at all!! I felt the same exact thing when I found out myself. Part of it is because you loved your wife before this happened or you found out. So it's difficult to just turn that off. Sometimes I say that I love my wife, but I hated her actions and selfishness. Other times I just loved her but didn't like her at all.

You will feel like this for a while; months if not more than a year. I thought I was crazy for feeling like this, but I guess its pretty common.

Hang in there. Maybe let them know you know about them and tell them to make a decision; your marriage or sexting? That's totally up to you.

It just shows that you care and you have a heart....so no theres not a thing wrong with you.

Yes there is something wrong with you. At some point it moved to codependency and enabling, and if you cannot draw a line in the sand and eventually say, enough is enough, then its probably codependency, because right now you are putting tolerating cheating over your own personal health.

Your goal is not to hate her, but to get indifferent to her. The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference.

When she is sexting these guys she is acting with total indifference for you, your vows, and your family.

Time to put yourself first, your health first, your needs first.

@goingtobeok you can turn your love for your wife off just like that? Wow. I guess you're more of a man than I am.

I think that it's way more complicated than turning love on and off. And being indifferent means that if she were hurt or in danger, you wouldn't necessarily risk your life for her. I know you would still care about her. Its her actions you hate. Her selfishness.

But that's my opinion.

*** Footnote ***

Sexting is cheating. Call her on it. Don't beat around the bush. Don't wait until it stops. Send her a copy of her messages right to her phone. Then tell her to stop or leave!!

*** End ***

I kept asking my shrink if something is wrong with me....he said yeah, your too smart and you need to quit trying to fix your CS, he is not your job....fix yourself and you won't allow anyone to treat you like that...and he dicided he was no longer committed, he no longer was "in love" with me, but really it was him being selfish and going where he had no business going and now not only do I suffer daily and to a great degree, he is finding that he is suffering even more than what he inflicted.....nothing wrong with you, something wrong with them???? but just like ya can't pick your family, your heart will not be denied what your heart wants...it takes time to really love someone, and when they betray that love, they chose it so they have already let go, it is a surprise to you and your heart....

for those who said there is nothing wrong with me thanks

going do you have kids, I hoe if you do, you think about this, regardless she is the mother of my kids, I could hate her with all my heart, but I have young kids who don't know the ins and outs of whats going on, they only see me hating their mother, which in turn will make them angry at me, I keep the peace til she is out for my kids. maybe there is some codependency but none the less I have my reasons for not turning it off

Yes I have kids. I clearly suggested you don't hate her. Your work on indifference, because she is showing you indifference.

You can stay paralyzed because you have kids, or you can be the type of dad they will be proud of. One who models that sick love is not better than no love.

See, I can say there is something wrong with you because there was something wrong with me. I did it all wrong for close to 2 years. Then it hit me. I was not being the father I should be. I was not being the husband I should be. I was not following the very same advice I would give my kids if they were in my position. I was being codependent and enabling my wife to have an affair, versus expecting her to be the woman I married and the mother my kids needed.

It was said to me the following --"" @goingtobeok you can turn your love for your wife off just like that? Wow. I guess you're more of a man than I am.

I think that it's way more complicated than turning love on and off. And being indifferent means that if she were hurt or in danger, you wouldn't necessarily risk your life for her. I know you would still care about her. Its her actions you hate. Her selfishness.

But that's my opinion. "

Nope. I could not turn my love for my wife off, but what I could do is turn my love for myself and my kids up! And that is what I did.

I protected my kids from all this. I saw a lawyer and got my ducks in a row. I got myself healthy! I then told my wife, since you won't get POS out of our relationship, I will get out of yours.

Hurt like hell -- yes it did! Still hits me like a ton of bricks every once and a while.

Was it the turning point? Yes it was. It was not hateful, but she saw I was strong enough to put myself and the kids first. I honorably put enough money in her account, paid her business license, and said, I love you enough that I am setting you free. I am out of your two's relationship. Good luck to you and turned my back.

That is when she started to get it. I still took more time, but she gets it now. She cannot thank me enough for standing by her, being patient, and handling the way I did.

Are we out of the woods. Not yet, but darn if my holiday season was not the best in years and the future looks bright.

So, my point is that after a certain point, yes, we have to face that there is something wrong with us if we keep enabling and being codependent.

It takes one to know one, so brother, I am just telling you from my heart what it will take to get over this, not beating you up. I am not willing to cum kum by yah or steward smilly the situation, because the stakes are too high.

Take it or leave it, but part of you knows I speak the truth, or you would not have asked the question.

It all goes back to every freaken time we are on an airplane and we hear the same old crap -- in case of a cabin pressure drop masks will drop from the overhead compartment. If you have small children, secure yours first before securing theirs.

Time to secure your mask, brother!

PS: How good of a mother is your wife being if all her free time when your not around is spend sexting on line? My wife is the first to admit she was a pretty shitty mother when in the midst of her affair, because she was totally distracted. Having her home attached to a computer with one hand down her pants is not really contributing much to your kids upbringing right now! If you can help pop you wife out of the fog this in an insight you will not have to even offer her -- she will get it!

absolutely nothign wrong with you at all.
when you love someone, it is hard to change that feeling. you may feel hurt, resentment, and dumbfounded, but that feeling of love will be hard to turn to hatered.

going - This was totally true for me. During my A I was disengaged from the kids. Mine are older. It is one of the many things I have felt so remorseful about. I pretty much missed a lot of really important time in my youngest sons life. Most of his junior year and part of his senior year due to the A time and the first year after Dday.