Perhaps he has an illness or sickness. Does he have any hobbies any achievements he can point to and make himself feel better in that relm?

Not to say that will/should cure him but perhaps thats why he is doing xyz, because he has no other outlets and he's looking in all the wrong places or it's just and an addiction.

Since we are the BS we can't really offer much advice on what goes on in their minds (perhaps the addict forums can) - only thing we can do is offer up advice on how to protect you - your feelings and to help with your mental heatlh.

therapy

marriage counselling

He has acknowledged an addiction. He simply thinks that emails/texts/photos discussing sex, complete with the "hugs and kisses" and discussion about sexual fantasies isn't over the line. He says he realizes now that one on one, in person, physical relationships are wrong, but this is just "friendship".

You are not losing your mind. Your husband is. His behavior is unacceptable. It sounds like he has problems understanding and respecting boundaries.

A cheating spouse who chooses to engage in emails of a sexual nature to make "friends" is cheating.

Question is, what will you do now with this latest indiscretion?

Honestly, I don't know. He is working on his addiction issues. He has given me access to his emails / Facebook, because I told him I'd rather know what he's doing that have him hiding everything.

I don't think he has any idea what this pain is like.

My heart goes to you..... There is only one thing that truly and universally helps with addictions. 12 steps program. For over half the century now - this is the only thing that works. Also check out or rather have your husband read it, Patrick Carnes book "out of the shadows" and have him go to his rehab facility, intense workshop or something http://www.pinegrovetreatment.com/.
Take care. Sending you strength and wisdom to make right decisions. Hugs.

He doesn't get how painful it is to you because you're still there, putting up with it.

If my shoes are hurting my feet, I take them off.

Delusional at best! Selfish and doesn't seem to care about how you feel is more realistic. Unacceptable behavior. What's your bottom line? He is obviously not going to stop and since we can't control anyone but ourselves you'll have to figure out what your next steps are.

"He simply thinks that emails/texts/photos discussing sex, complete with the "hugs and kisses" and discussion about sexual fantasies isn't over the line."

He's wrong. You know it, I know it, everyone who reads this knows it. All of that behavior, when it is sexual or even just emotional in nature, is cheating. Period. Even if he doesn't want to acknowledge that, knowing that it hurts you should be enough for him to stop.

It sounds like he doesn't really know what friendship is. A friend is someone you have a platonic relationship with - as in no sexual context whatsoever.

What a cheesy response he gave you. I mean seriously, does he think you are a doormat.

I hate to be blunt here, but a part of this problem is you.

You should not accept this at any level.
The MOMENT you learned of this, a nuclear response was necessary.

I suspect he knows he can get away with it, so he continues to abuse you.

Only you can put a stop to this.

You're all correct.

If I really think about it, I'm deciding to hang in there while he works through this with his psychiatrist and therapist. He repeated again last night, "You know that I'm working on this, right?" I do know that.

Jaded, he does have platonic friends. Female friends, even. Nothing even remotely inappropriate between them.

It's the ones whose lives are train wrecks that he seems to develop "more" with. They love attention from someone that's smart, funny, and attractive. They hang on his every word. He becomes their Knight in Shining Armour. Ugh.

If the pain would instantly go away if I decided to leave him, I think I would. Yet, I know that I would continue to have the pain, and then the pain of not having him.

I am still so angry that he put our family in this situation.

I'd say to him that he should "work on it" on his own and when he's fixed himself, to come back. It's like he thinks "working on it" is good enough and he can still play with fire.

By the way, if I can't handle being near wine because it destroys all that is holy, then maybe part of my punishment is not getting the cheese. Tell him THAT one.

Female friends of ANY kind with history of infidelity of that kind are OUT OF BOUNDS! What's wrong with male friends? He will get nothing and he will change nothing until he hits rock bottom and he didn't... Never ever. He thought it was coming after dday so escaped into suicide. Such a manipulation. I must say I did not see it then for what it was either.
he needs to hit rock bottom!!!!!! know what it would be for him, likely loosing you. If he doesn't he will never recover. Only after he hits rock bottom he will be able to do ANYTHING that it takes, not only superficial BandAid stuff that keeps you stuck staying on a threatening relationship.

Just, I am so sorry he's doing this. Frankly, he ticks me off.

'Yeah, I know this is hard for you and I know I am crossing a line and I know this hurts you, but I expect you to be alright with this cuz it's an addiction and I'm working on it.'

Honey, I would not be alright with that under any circumstances. None. It's alright for you to say that this is a not good with you.

Question is? How far do you let him 'work on it?' I think the only answer that I can come up with is 'as far as you are comfortable.' After that, if he insists on going forward with this?

..there's the door. 'Come back when you aren't willing to hurt me anymore.'

Sending you support, L~