Well based on what you said, that he if had contact with her again that he would not see you and the kids anymore...then I think he would be nuts to have any contact with her. My daughter is my world and I would never choose to see another woman OVER my daughter.

Be careful threatening him not to see his kids. Unfortunately, that's something that can get you in trouble. I UNDERSTAND completely, but legally you can't do that.

The difference with you stpete is you think rationally. My ex was an amazing father before all this happened. Even when we would have difficulties, the girls were still everything to him. Since meeting this OW, it's as if something broke. He has chosen HER and things in her life repeatedly over my children. Even something so drastic as my oldest daughter was flashed and fondled by a neighbor and he was visiting her 6 hours away. If I got that phone call I would have been back here in 3 hours but he told my daughter that he would talk to her when he got back, in FOUR days. The situation had been handled, authorities contacted and somewhat resolved before he got back and he lost what little respect my 20 year old daughter had for him. It was evident at that point that he couldn't be counted on.

Sorry to ramble, I just wanted to give an example of how they change so drastically. About the lies, my ex is a pathological liar. He will spin tails just so it's easier to live with the choices he's made and makes him look better. I honestly believe that he isn't even aware he does it anymore. It's quite sad.

I agree with Flutter

Call the company and ask for her. If they say she is out on leave then ask when she is due to return. Or call the H/R dept and act like you are verifying employment

Could he just be attempting to reassure you? Placate you? If you aren't reconciling then why worry. It already happened and the pain's there forever. Take care of you. Put the focus on yourself and your children. He's going to do what he's going to do and you can't prevent it. Sending support.

If you're not seeing him anymore and don't plan to, than why worry that she may or may not be back? If it's a physical threat against you and/or your kids, then that's completely different. THAT IS something to worry about. But otherwise, who cares? Let him do as he pleases and work with who he wants. He made his bed...

The one thing that concerns me in your post is that he "won't see me and the kids anymore" if he has further contact with her. Would you really want him to not see his kids again? Would you want your kids to not be able to see their father again? It's not their fault that dad went wayward and abandoned the family, but to deny them the right to know their father, with both the good and awful qualities within him, would be a tragic mistake I believe. In time, they'll get to judge him for themselves. And, they may actually become bitter towards you for denying them this access.

Put all emotions aside and work on what's in the best interest for you AND them. Think of their future AND your future. Don't let something you can't control control you!

Good luck to you.

-TheRule

The Rule - I really like what you just said:

Don't let something you can't control control you.

I've been in counseling for a year and a half now, I know I have co-dependency issues and have been working really hard on myself.

For some reason, that one sentence just really clicked for me.

Thank you!

Well Rule it was a threat on MY life from her sister, like it was my fault they were having an affair. She warned me off, that it was none of my business,her sisters life, she told me to divorce my husband and if I intervened in any way they would come and knock my head of my shoulders.

I think you can see why I am worried of any further involvement, I have to protect my kids and me. I have somewhere I can go if it gets nastier, out of the UK.

What you say Flutter is so right. My H is an amazing father, but I believe when there heads are turned they cease to be so, as long as they are happy. They are so selfish when it comes to having there cake and eating it too. Its like they change their whole personality so I don't trust what he will do if they have further contact.

Lets put it this way: during affair it's like we didn't exist, he couldn't have cared less what we were doing, he was out all the time, he took his days off and spent them with her, took her away for weekends, spent outrageous amounts of money funding his sordid fantasy. So when did he ever think about us THEN, he does now because he is losing us, well its too late.

And Tired that's what I have done, told by another co worker of hers that she is back in August. The head of her department says there are no vacancies.
Looks like he is lying again to put me off the scent, and to make me feel secure.

Well I suppose the truth will out eventually.

Just trying to see, I suppose if he is genuine in wanting a reconciliation.
Its still hard to believe when you love someone and had a great life with them before all this crap, that they can be so manipulative.

Actually, if the woman your H has been seeing makes a threat or any one who your kids will be around because of HER, makes any kind of threat towards you OR your children, call the police and file a report... It's called a "terroristic threat". Also keep a log of when they call you, and keep phone records. I can't stress enough, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!! You want their threats documented so that you can legally gain full and complete custody of your children... The more instances you have documented, the easier it is to prove a danger to your children and therefore, it will be easier to get a restraining order. Recordings would be wonderful, but not necessary. In Texas, restraining orders last one full year...

I'll be praying for your family. Good luck!
Karen