Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My husband has had a problem with online porn and
has been very deceitful in our relationship with money.
Some months before last July (over a year ago)
after I joked with him over do you still love me?
He shocked me with 'I don't know'! He told me of a Russian woman he met in a chat room and he had feelings for her. I was,so stunned I fell down and turned hot and cold. I told him he had to end it! (We're marred 13 years and have 2 kids)
He said it may be too late. I told him to get the hell out! Left and came back to find him face down and crying on the bed. He claimed he loved me and can't loose me. He agreed to break it off and I believed it.
Last July a package arrived and it was a passport with a Russian visa! He had bought a plane ticket and was going to visit in a week. He tried to hide the passport at first but eventually showed me! I kicked him out and he lived in a seedy efficiency motel for a week. He had decided not to go after I told don't go or don't come back 'til we both have lawyers.
He admitted to having a mid-life crisis and porn addiction. We started marriage counselling and I watched him break it off with this person this time.
Last February he had to move several states away because he couldn't find anything near home for six months! I reluctantly agreed because of our debt problems.
Flash forward June 26, 2009 my parents took our family on a cruise for a week which my husband claimed he couldn't do because of work.
When we got back we couldn't reach him for three days! We thought he might be dead somewhere! I called the local police etc... When he finally resurfaced he admitted to going to Russia, for a day, and not being physically unfaithful but emotionally so! Earlier that month he accepted money from my Dad for a house in the area! It's a loan but still! I don't recognise this man!
Please leave comments and advice, I really need it!
has been very deceitful in our relationship with money.
Some months before last July (over a year ago)
after I joked with him over do you still love me?
He shocked me with 'I don't know'! He told me of a Russian woman he met in a chat room and he had feelings for her. I was,so stunned I fell down and turned hot and cold. I told him he had to end it! (We're marred 13 years and have 2 kids)
He said it may be too late. I told him to get the hell out! Left and came back to find him face down and crying on the bed. He claimed he loved me and can't loose me. He agreed to break it off and I believed it.
Last July a package arrived and it was a passport with a Russian visa! He had bought a plane ticket and was going to visit in a week. He tried to hide the passport at first but eventually showed me! I kicked him out and he lived in a seedy efficiency motel for a week. He had decided not to go after I told don't go or don't come back 'til we both have lawyers.
He admitted to having a mid-life crisis and porn addiction. We started marriage counselling and I watched him break it off with this person this time.
Last February he had to move several states away because he couldn't find anything near home for six months! I reluctantly agreed because of our debt problems.
Flash forward June 26, 2009 my parents took our family on a cruise for a week which my husband claimed he couldn't do because of work.
When we got back we couldn't reach him for three days! We thought he might be dead somewhere! I called the local police etc... When he finally resurfaced he admitted to going to Russia, for a day, and not being physically unfaithful but emotionally so! Earlier that month he accepted money from my Dad for a house in the area! It's a loan but still! I don't recognise this man!
Please leave comments and advice, I really need it!
He admitted everything, went to marriage counseling with you, then you two lived apart and he was still continuing to see her behind your back and then of course, still followed through and went to Russia to NOT fuck this other woman? LOL YEAH RIGHT, MY ASS.
At this point, I can't give you advice one way or the other. It seems as though your husband became a child, damn adamant that he was going to do what he wanted. I'm sure its all of his system now, huh? Fucker.
I'm not sure how you would forgive this, even if you would want to. All I can say is good luck to you in whatever you decide.
Oh, and P.s. He's lying about not sleeping with her. That's my take on it.
My kids are 9 and 12. I feel he is leaving me no choice here. I tried to work with him before and he is really good a lying and claims he is 'split' like two different people.
He has alot of proving to do and it seems he thinks he can just wine instead. He also never gave me any feeling that she's out of the picture.
I hope you are right about this scam thing. It's possible although he doesn't believe it. It would serve him right!
Regarding your relationship, I can't tell you whether to ditch him or try to work on it, only you can truly make that decision. It sounds like either he's snapped or has been hiding/masking mental/emotional issues for all the years you've been together. Really think about the past and his behavior, maybe you've been in denial or unconsciously overlooking similar behavior patterns in the past?
He has had alot of issues. There is a history of irresponability and serious problems moving forward in life. He is also intensly shy and I was his first girlfriend when he was 28!
Anyway, I get what you are saying and am very greatful for your advice as well as everyone else. I finally brought myself to email a lawyer for a consultation!
Pain and hurt aside I have to survive right now financially!!!
Thanks again!
All the advice given above is spot on. PROTECT YOURSELF FINANCIALLY first and deal with the fallout of your H's idiotic behavior second.
A loan is as secure as the person who takes it out... check on the so called house in that other state and make sure the money wasn't given to the "poor Russian woman" who is probably experiencing some financial difficulties... yeah right.
Good luck and I would try to get him into counseling.
Be stronger than that, don't listen to him this time. I didn't even think scam until the others pointed it out, but it is so very true. Start looking into credit cards, bank accounts, every little thing you have and see what may be missing. DO NOT put money in a joint account anymore. Do everything you can to protect yourself legally.
Let him and his history of irresponsibility go. This behavior is bizarre, to say the least!
Thanks for writing, I appreciate your directness. I called a law firm a little while ago, emailed one yesterday. I know I need to get out of this financially and emotionally too.
The emotional part, I'm sure all can relate to.
I don't want to face that he is rejecting me! Two weeks ago I thought he loved me more than anyone! It sucks! I don't want to start all over looking for someone to love!
Oh, and I'm sure he probably fucked her.
Russia, huh... Like dadinstl said it could be a scam.
You need to take over all the money and things like that because of the kids too.
But I am sorry if it is a scam I hope your husband gets burned and burned good!!
I know if my husband did anything like that I wouldn't even be thinking what should I do.
The only reason I am still with my husband is because I didn't find out he was cheating until 3 years after the last fling ended. Also, what helped me make my mind up to stay with him was because they had been cheap low life affairs.......GOOD LUCK !!!
Are you seeking individual counseling to help you in your decision about the marriage. It sounds like you've done all the right things to seek counseling, etc. At this stage, it sounds as if you're ready to make a decision (outside of finances). I stayed after the 1st affair -- but we really didn't address not only the marriage and trust adequately but his problems. I wouldn't go back but needed counseling to help me see objectively through patterns of dysfunction, his manipulation, narcissism, and flat out immaturity. 19 years - 2 kids. I owed it to myself and the kids to have a future. You'll make a decision that's right for you.
If he says it was just emotional -- that's crock. You don't travel to Russia for a tete a tete. It was one heck of an expensive lay. Was this funded through marital assets?
Hang in there. Best in your decision.
I spoke with a lawyer and feel a bit better. I'm sure I'm gonna need to go ahead and file for legal separation. I emailed him and let him know about the lawyer and the figure she gave me on child support. I wonder if he'll get back to me or not. I'm hoping he will be the shocked one for a change but unfortunately he may just welcome his release into the sick little world he's in!