I met a man about a year ago, and fell head over heels.  He chased me persistently, we dated for a bit, and it was perfection, or it seemed so (I realized after that there were a lot of red flags).  When I first saw him, I had an intuition come to me saying "That's your husband" (although I never told him this), and he told me that he thought it was fate that we had met, among other things and other demonstrations of affection. 

One month into the relationship, he told me that he was married. We had never really discussed anything personal before (red flag) and I was shocked.  Horrified that he thought it was okay to cheat on his wife, lie to her, and not even tell me.  I cried for a long time that night, he waited with me and cried also, apologized and looked really sad.  He told me that he and his wife were having problems, that they had taken separate vacations, and that it was not working between them.

The next day I left town for two weeks.  He wrote to me to apologize, I didn't answer.  I was in agony, feeling extremely guilty about his wife, but at the same time still having strong feelings for him.  I was totally confused and kept going back and forth from anger, to sadness, to forgiveness, to resignation, to guilt.  When I got back, we met and I fully intended to break it off immediately.  But I couldn't do it, I still had so many feelings, and he looked so forlorn and so sad, so happy to see me. We kept seeing each other for a few more weeks, but I didn't feel good about it.  I felt guilty and unhappy and sad, and I finally told him I couldn't continue.  He told me it was complicated, that he wanted to keep seeing me and suggested that we take a 1 month break.  I agreed.  We saw each other again after the month-long break, and it did not go well - I was upset, confused, angry, sad, and he couldn't handle it.

He wrote to me again a few months later, and I didn't respond.  I called a few weeks later to ask what he wanted, and he said some of the meanest things to me I have ever heard.  He told me he wanted to stay with his wife, he wasn't interested in me and he was sure it wasn't going to work, but that he would like to come and see me at my house.  I said no immediately, and was left reeling at how mean he had become.

We had no contact for many months, and finally last week I decided to meet with him to give him a piece of my mind and get closure. This time, he was even meaner than before.  I told him never to contact me again, erased his contact and blocked his number. 

I'm still extremely hurt and confused by this whole thing.  How could  a person go from being so sweet to so nasty in just a few months?  He was wonderful at the beginning, sweet, generous, helpful, dropping everything to come and see me and help me with whatever I needed, spending hours on the phone, full of smiles and cuddles and hugs... How did it go downhill so quickly? How did he think it was ok to date me without telling me he was married? Or to date anyone while married, for that matter? My fault for not asking (I have definitely learned my lesson), but still, it seems like such a dishonest thing to do. 

Did he care about me at all, or was it just a ruse from the beginning to get me into bed? (Just to clarify, I never slept with this man, because I am unable to sleep with a man outside a committed relationship, but there was other physical contact.) I feel as though I've been jerked around, used, gaslighted, lied to, and have also committed adultery, and it is not a very nice feeling.

I am wondering if I should tell his wife.  It doesn't seem right what he is doing, to her.  Of course, I am angry and part of me wants revenge. I am really struggling to cope with my hurt feelings and with the disappointment. But it also feels as though she should know what her husband is doing behind her back. Should I tell her that her husband is lying and cheating on her?  

I am very confused, and just trying to make sense of all this so I can find peace and move on...

These are some of the things he said to me while we were seeing each other, at first they seemed harmless and he said them with a smile, and then he got progressively meaner and meaner as time went on :

Our being together will be a nice memory for me when I'm old.

It's good that you have a big bed, it will be perfect for you when you get a boyfriend.

I don't have time to take you out, but I would love to come to your house.

It has to be a secret, my marriage is my priority.

I have to work to take you for a drink? I thought I only had to work to get into your bed.

This is my offer : I will stay with my wife, but I can come and see you at your house. Think about it and let me know.