Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I'm so low and lonely today. I have a depression/anxiety problem anyway and this makes it so much worse.
I just want someone to tell me everything will be alright.
Last weekend my H was home to visit. He lives 12 hrs. away because of his job right now. We were supposed to be working on our relationship and I felt very insecure because of the distance. We have all of this ccard.
debt and it is a bit of a mystery. I think he has given money to his online Russian girl who he has an emotional affair with. He even went to visit her behind my back with money we don't have. He has admitted to having a fascination with Russia and obviously he is obsessed with her.
When I pressed him to assure me he was returning my loyalty he couldn't. That was the only thing I required of him and he said he just keeps lying to me. He wants me to separate from him so the kids and I don't have to deal with his debt. "Just let me sink' he says. We had an appointment with a marriage counselor which we kept. However he seems to want to move more toward her than me and our family even though he's sinking financially, creditors call looking for him every day.
And she's in Russia! How is he gonna see her without money or enough credit line. He is out of his mind and obviously obsessed with her! When the marriage counselor asked him how he would see her he said 'we just have to meet up'. She also said do you realize this could blow up in your face? He didn't really say much to that. I think he feels she's crazy for him to. God I hope it all blows up in his stupid face!!! I hope he one day will see what he lost. His beautiful children don't deserve this shit!
He looked shocked and stunned when I told him to get out and had piled up a bunch of his stuff. It nearly killed me to do this but I couldn't play the happy family. He was supposed to stay two more days.
I can't bring myself to talk with him or see him. He has a way of acting sweet and kind all the time and can compartmentalize and ignor the elephant in the room. if I confront him about anything he becomes a sad little boy who can't express himself. He even gets defensive like I'm badgering him. He has social anxiety issues and has always been fearful of approaching women. He even says he has a shield with me but not with this online girl (15 years younger than me of course) I was the first and only girlfriend/lover he ever had and he admits I am his best friend and only friend. So why is he doing this to our family and me!
It's torturing me today because I just miss him.
I want to know my life will get better and I won't be sad and lonely all my life. I can't even bring myself to face a legal separation or divorce.
I know I must for money reasons but I'm so broken hearted.
I'm trying to be strong for my children and my job. Lord knows I need my job. I've been taking xanax and it helps a bit.
Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.
I just want someone to tell me everything will be alright.
Last weekend my H was home to visit. He lives 12 hrs. away because of his job right now. We were supposed to be working on our relationship and I felt very insecure because of the distance. We have all of this ccard.
debt and it is a bit of a mystery. I think he has given money to his online Russian girl who he has an emotional affair with. He even went to visit her behind my back with money we don't have. He has admitted to having a fascination with Russia and obviously he is obsessed with her.
When I pressed him to assure me he was returning my loyalty he couldn't. That was the only thing I required of him and he said he just keeps lying to me. He wants me to separate from him so the kids and I don't have to deal with his debt. "Just let me sink' he says. We had an appointment with a marriage counselor which we kept. However he seems to want to move more toward her than me and our family even though he's sinking financially, creditors call looking for him every day.
And she's in Russia! How is he gonna see her without money or enough credit line. He is out of his mind and obviously obsessed with her! When the marriage counselor asked him how he would see her he said 'we just have to meet up'. She also said do you realize this could blow up in your face? He didn't really say much to that. I think he feels she's crazy for him to. God I hope it all blows up in his stupid face!!! I hope he one day will see what he lost. His beautiful children don't deserve this shit!
He looked shocked and stunned when I told him to get out and had piled up a bunch of his stuff. It nearly killed me to do this but I couldn't play the happy family. He was supposed to stay two more days.
I can't bring myself to talk with him or see him. He has a way of acting sweet and kind all the time and can compartmentalize and ignor the elephant in the room. if I confront him about anything he becomes a sad little boy who can't express himself. He even gets defensive like I'm badgering him. He has social anxiety issues and has always been fearful of approaching women. He even says he has a shield with me but not with this online girl (15 years younger than me of course) I was the first and only girlfriend/lover he ever had and he admits I am his best friend and only friend. So why is he doing this to our family and me!
It's torturing me today because I just miss him.
I want to know my life will get better and I won't be sad and lonely all my life. I can't even bring myself to face a legal separation or divorce.
I know I must for money reasons but I'm so broken hearted.
I'm trying to be strong for my children and my job. Lord knows I need my job. I've been taking xanax and it helps a bit.
Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.
It will get easier...I am not going to lie and say it will all go away. But it will get easier. You'll have good days and bad days! Keep focusing on you and your kids and hang in there. It is his loss, you deserve to be happy!
I wish you the best! God bless!
You don't deserve the treatment you are receiving, and you certainly didn't earn the pain. But even though it's hell, something positive can be gleaned from it that will point a way to your happier future. I'm sure of that.
There's probably nothing that will take all the pain away at this point, but it's good that the drugs help a bit. Do you have a counselor for just you? It might help to have someone to support you emotionally, someone who would validate the fact that this is not how a loving relationship is supposed to feel, someone who will help you form a plan for your own protection and your children's well-being.
You don't have to make monumental, big steps right now. Just make some baby ones that help you weather this. And obviously you are doing just that, because here you are with us, and talking about your pain. That's a HUGE step. And please know that I am with you, and here any time you want to talk. You are my sister in this land of suffering (which I do believe will lessen for each of us in time).
Will it get better? Either way, it will. YOu may get your marriage resolved, or you may have to walk away and start over, but you have clearly shown your inner strength and self worth by kicking his ass out until he can be a man worthy of being your HUSBAND again.
Until then? He can stay gone...
L~
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
I am so sorry for your pain and loss and for now life won't be easy.
You have been brave and courageous in your actions and I understand that you cannot live a lie.
You H has been pulled in hook, line and sinker by the seems of it and he appears to be in cuckoo land.
For you it's so difficult as you are still very much in reality with a job to hold down and a family who need you and your love, support and care. It is them that will help you and keep you going.
When this happens to decent people like us, we never know what the outcome will be and that's one of the most painful parts of any affair.
All you can do is get up each day and keep going no matter how painful and torturous this is, easier said than done.
This happened to my Mother many times and she had four children and she never once gave up on us. She lived in reality and the low life of a Father I had lived in lala land.
God bless Cherie, we are all here to comfort and support you.
Affable
I honestly don't know what I'd do with out this wonderful group right now.
Hey Diane, I am going to counseling. I was seeing one counselor and now I'm switching to the one that saw the two of us together because she will have more insight into my situation. I will be consulting a lawyer asap as well. There is a guidance counselor in the school where I work who is going to give me a few names. I need some normalcy for my kids and me. He can go skipping off with his little girl friend into fairyland but someone needs to keep their head on straight.
-Cherie
I am so sorry for your pain. Keep in mind though, one important thing: the more you keep in contact with him or allow him to contact you, the more this is going to hurt.
I fully believe you are doing the right thing. It seems as though he has made his choice and has taken no one into consideration except himself. Do you know what is funny?
Some of the girls that you meet online that ask for money, etc are SCAMMERS. I believe in the end, it would be fucking hilarious if he found out she was a money grubbing scammer and looked around and found no one there for him. Seriously, Russia? How stupid can he get. russia or texas, it doesn't matter.
He has done you wrong,wayyy too wrong.
Yes, it will get easier. And eventually, all the negative that you feel WILL fade. This can become a memory and you can move on. You don't feel that right now, but it is so very true. You can get over your husband just like any other breakup. Out of sight, out of mind.
Tell him to not looked so shocked anymore. This is what he wanted!
But, in all due honesty, I would be filing papers against him immediately. You are his wife, so there really is no such thing as "his debt", even if credit cards are in his name only. They can and will come after YOU when he doesn't pay up. Protect yourself.
You won't be sad and lonely all your life! You can get through this. Good luck to you.
He has done us enough damage emotionally without doing us all in financially as well!
As for her being a scammer, I sooooooooooooooo hope that is true!
He has seen her in person though. A sweet little 9 day vacation they spent together! He says she wouldn't sleep with him because he was still married. Maybe she is going for the gold, or rather green card! Anyway, I did find 134 pictures of their vacation on his computer. Some of him, some of her. Some of them together. I made him delete them all and could tell he didn't want to. She seems kind of normal but then so does he. I would love to see this all blow up in his face, believe me!
Thanks again for the support!!
You go girl!
My brain was screaming "Do this to YOU, to YOU, you fucktard" but my mouth said:
"I don't want to leave you. I HAVE TO. You're forcing me to chose this route"
And sometimes, that still rings true. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. In the end, I just wanted the drama to end. I just wanted peace.
It will come back to ya! Peace, happiness, all of that.
Love to all of you, you are keeping me strong!
If I don't do something I will have no control of my life and the future for my kids!
Let them live in their delusional world. One word of advice is the longer I don't have contact with him the better I feel. I had to see him this weekend and all those feelings came back and I was missing him. But what I had to realize was I was missing what was familiar. Were we truly happy? No, because he never let us be.
Be good to yourself. You deserve it.