Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Thoughts today
In present, I'm annoyed and frustrated
little things set me off. stuff w kids
If I think about past, things that my wife did, I get angry
If I think about future,I feel hopeless
On drive in to work today I thought
"I'm tired of looking at life thru thru my eyes
I wish I could just be someone else and start fresh"
When i feel upset or emotional, if I focus on what emotion I am experiencing its easier for me to calm myself down...and sit in the emotion
but if it go to my head when i am upset and emotional;, i just thinking...and thinking.... and i get confused as to who is driving the bus at the point....the cerebral cortex with logic , or the temporal lobe from emotion. My CBT therapists cause this the ADULT vs the KID
and the more i reflect on it, i think its the kid trying to be the adult that really sends me down when i get too far in my head.
does that make sense?
these last weeks, its back to the rollarcoaster
ok for a bit during one day, then angry for days on end...sad all the time, feelings of anxiety, hopelessness, fear, shame, guilt.....
i just can't seem to let it go.
i got angry enough a few weeks ago to seriously consider exposing all of my wife's 8 affair partners to their spouse..... i wanted to do it.....for revenge...out of anger.....
i did not do it....but for a few days, i really really wanted to do exactly that
i went so far as to reactivate her ashleymadison.com profile so i could try to capture a screen shot of one of the mens's profiles, just in case i wanted to out him to his wife. i did find it and captured it and have it save in case i decide to go down that path
i even went further and activated a new profile using my wives stats and photo to see how many men would respond to her..... with a tag line of "I'm back and i want to play"
i finally admitted to her, that i did that, and deleted everything and deleted all the profiles.
then that evening i created my own profile on ashleymadison.com to see what its like
you can't really communicate with anyone unless you pay, and i wasn't about to pay
i confessed to her about that as well, and deleted that profile
its things and thoughts like that, that when i have them and give into them, they seem reasonable and logical..... and i think its the adult
but in hindsight....it was the kid, wasn't it? thats the kid driving the bus....
some days i wish i could just sleep all day long
In present, I'm annoyed and frustrated
little things set me off. stuff w kids
If I think about past, things that my wife did, I get angry
If I think about future,I feel hopeless
On drive in to work today I thought
"I'm tired of looking at life thru thru my eyes
I wish I could just be someone else and start fresh"
When i feel upset or emotional, if I focus on what emotion I am experiencing its easier for me to calm myself down...and sit in the emotion
but if it go to my head when i am upset and emotional;, i just thinking...and thinking.... and i get confused as to who is driving the bus at the point....the cerebral cortex with logic , or the temporal lobe from emotion. My CBT therapists cause this the ADULT vs the KID
and the more i reflect on it, i think its the kid trying to be the adult that really sends me down when i get too far in my head.
does that make sense?
these last weeks, its back to the rollarcoaster
ok for a bit during one day, then angry for days on end...sad all the time, feelings of anxiety, hopelessness, fear, shame, guilt.....
i just can't seem to let it go.
i got angry enough a few weeks ago to seriously consider exposing all of my wife's 8 affair partners to their spouse..... i wanted to do it.....for revenge...out of anger.....
i did not do it....but for a few days, i really really wanted to do exactly that
i went so far as to reactivate her ashleymadison.com profile so i could try to capture a screen shot of one of the mens's profiles, just in case i wanted to out him to his wife. i did find it and captured it and have it save in case i decide to go down that path
i even went further and activated a new profile using my wives stats and photo to see how many men would respond to her..... with a tag line of "I'm back and i want to play"
i finally admitted to her, that i did that, and deleted everything and deleted all the profiles.
then that evening i created my own profile on ashleymadison.com to see what its like
you can't really communicate with anyone unless you pay, and i wasn't about to pay
i confessed to her about that as well, and deleted that profile
its things and thoughts like that, that when i have them and give into them, they seem reasonable and logical..... and i think its the adult
but in hindsight....it was the kid, wasn't it? thats the kid driving the bus....
some days i wish i could just sleep all day long
My heart goes out to you. Stay strong & continue to dig deep. If you need to talk, the door is open. I'll listen. Rooting for you.
I just can't let it go......
Dec 18 2014 was DDay
the WHYS?
a million whys....
mid life crisis, stress, lack of self esteem, feelings of unworthiness, feelings of abandonment and rejection, hanging around friends who encouraged the behavior, perimenopause, AD/HD, results of overall lack of empathy as a person..... goes on and on
yes..she has been remorseful, emotional, trying to make amends.... trying to do everything right....but its not enough...because no matter what she is doing NOW.....the fact is...she did these THINGS ALREADY
Personally, after the person I loved and trusted broke my heart and lied his ass off I said No and left. I did not see how I could regain any love for a person that deceived me nor trust a person who continually lied to me (even when I had evidence to the contrary).
I am sorry you are going through your own personal hell. To me, I chose sanity, happiness, no drama and although it was hard, I got through it. I'm not a fan of marriage counseling but I am a fan of therapy so I got my own. I am much better for it and continue to try to better myself for my own sake.
Sending you a gigantic hug and a sleeping pill to sleep all day.
we have young children...7 year old twins.
my parents divorced when i was 3
i told myself if i ever had children, id never allow them to grow up like i did
do i love her?
i do...and i wish i didn't
i wish i hated her! it would make the decision on what to do next much easier.
its maddening that the very person who hurt me, is the person who is now supposed to comfort me and help me heal.
i haven't forgiven her..... i still don't completely trust her
yet in the 6 months since disclosure, she hasn't given me any reason to NOT believe her
staying makes me feel like i am weak
leaving makes me feel like i didn't try hard enough
i am so totally f%^&d up!
i just want to scream...i want to scream all day
I'm at work, reading websites about infidelity.... and i can't concentrate on anything
its almost 6 months past dday
why can't i move on
why does this hurt more than anything I've ever experienced
getting over someone you love dying was easier then this
It is true, you would never ever choose to have something like this happen but it did. I don't see you as a quitter or not trying hard enough if you did not stay. I know you love this woman but you also say you cannot trust her and find yourself going online to see if she is back to soliciting sex. Again, I'm no counselor and am not recommending anything. My two cents is to put your needs first (since she already did that).
You are not f*cked up - at all. Please don't say that. Your life may feel out of control and your head is spinning but we all went through that. You are also living with your spouse and have not had any distance from the situation; that makes it much tougher.
Hang in there, come here to DS and post. We will do our best to help and support you.
(((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))
Hang in their friend!
-notautomatic-
Curious as to see what difference it will make in her
My daughter was diagnosed w ADHD as well a few months ago
I was diagnosed w moderate to sever depression in 2006
I'm curious as to how it changes her day to day behavior