Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have a daughter who is 4 years old. We live together and love each other dearly.
A few days ago life turned upside down when I got an odd email. When my bf got home I asked to see his phone. I found more emails. They were responses to online ads seeking m/m sexual encounters.
I was in shock. I had no hint of anything, He isnt stylish. He isnt feminine acting. He doesnt own gay porn. I have lots of gay friends. How could I be with him for so many years with no hint.
Yet, here I was staring at these emails. When I confronted him, his excuse was that it was spam. When I pushed the issue he completely broke down crying that he wasn't gay, he didnt send the emails, he loved me and our daughter, he couldnt lose us, he'd do anything for us...
But his denial didnt ring true. If someone thought I was gay I'd likely laugh, shrug it off, it doesnt matter what you think- I'm not gay. He looked mortified, when I tried to suggest that maybe it was just something that he wanted to try or was curious about.
I'm at a loss. I know he loves me but this isnt something I know how to deal with. If he is just curious then I want him to explore and figure out where he stands before I can go further in this relationship. But he wont even admit to being curious. He gets defensive ad then starts attacking me and trying to make it as though I dont love him. When the truth is that I love him enough to realize that maybe the love we share should be as just friends.
We are best friends and I know that I can silent and he will marry me and love me. But I cant do that. I'm torn. I'm afriad he will shut down on me if I talk about it again even though I've found more to support my theory that he is at the very least curious. I've thought about taking a break from our relationship- no questions asked (but clean std test required at the end of that hiatus).
I just cant spend 10 years of my life in limbo. I read or watch porn that I would never consider trying. But since he wont even confess to the thinking about I cant figure out if he is gay and I am just a friend he loves, or he is just bi-curious.
I just dont know what to do but I have to know.
A few days ago life turned upside down when I got an odd email. When my bf got home I asked to see his phone. I found more emails. They were responses to online ads seeking m/m sexual encounters.
I was in shock. I had no hint of anything, He isnt stylish. He isnt feminine acting. He doesnt own gay porn. I have lots of gay friends. How could I be with him for so many years with no hint.
Yet, here I was staring at these emails. When I confronted him, his excuse was that it was spam. When I pushed the issue he completely broke down crying that he wasn't gay, he didnt send the emails, he loved me and our daughter, he couldnt lose us, he'd do anything for us...
But his denial didnt ring true. If someone thought I was gay I'd likely laugh, shrug it off, it doesnt matter what you think- I'm not gay. He looked mortified, when I tried to suggest that maybe it was just something that he wanted to try or was curious about.
I'm at a loss. I know he loves me but this isnt something I know how to deal with. If he is just curious then I want him to explore and figure out where he stands before I can go further in this relationship. But he wont even admit to being curious. He gets defensive ad then starts attacking me and trying to make it as though I dont love him. When the truth is that I love him enough to realize that maybe the love we share should be as just friends.
We are best friends and I know that I can silent and he will marry me and love me. But I cant do that. I'm torn. I'm afriad he will shut down on me if I talk about it again even though I've found more to support my theory that he is at the very least curious. I've thought about taking a break from our relationship- no questions asked (but clean std test required at the end of that hiatus).
I just cant spend 10 years of my life in limbo. I read or watch porn that I would never consider trying. But since he wont even confess to the thinking about I cant figure out if he is gay and I am just a friend he loves, or he is just bi-curious.
I just dont know what to do but I have to know.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
The only story I know of that is similar is a friend of mine. About 12 years ago she was married to the father of her daughter. She had a few people tell her they though he was gay. She chose to ignore their suspicions and her own and marry him anyway.
When her daughter was a little over a year her mother showed her how to check computer history. She found multIple gay sights, chat rooms and gay porn.
She confronted he reacted as your bf did. Her biggest concern is that one of his conversations was with a 16 year old boy. He went to counseling over it. Said his counselor didn't think he was gay or a pediphile but that he was somehow mending wounds of his teen years. He was a bit of an outcast and had very few friends as a teen.
She didn't buy it. She remembered back when she and he were first dating and his "best friend" was so very jealous of her. He basically hated her and was very emotional about him and her being together. It struck her odd at the time that this guy was so possessive but now she saw a different side. She believed they were likely lovers and that her H had been battling gay/straight for years.
They are long since divorced, friends now but he still has never come out of the closet. Everything about him screams gay and he continues to have secretive behavior and no gf since the divorce.
She believes that he is petrified of being openly gay and chooses to live in the shadows.
All I can say is that if you shove this stuff under the rug it will never really go away. The very least you are dealing with is curiosity and the most would be a a man who is afraid to be himself as a gay person.
I hope that through counseling and guidance, both of you can find a sense of peace in all of this. I wonder if ds has a page more specific for your needs. Asking where there are more people who have lived in and out of the closet may be able to guide you better in how to handle this.
There are a few gay members her but they are not on as often. Hopefully one of them will read your post and have some sound helpful advice.
I didn't really believe the spam excuse but I cleared the phone and created stronger passwords and I haven't seen anything else, but I could've scared him off that idea.
He refused to take a break and has lately been very focused on me. Which I'll admit is nice but is also confusing.
I don't think there is anything left I can do except to try and mend broken fences and see if that is good enough.