Good one, L!

Isabella,

Another way of looking at it is to ask yourself, deep down, how comfortable you would be if your husband had the exact same friendship with a woman other than yourself (who was not a "friend of the marriage"). I implore you to get that book I suggested. It has been recommended here many times and it really puts things in an informative perspective. The stuff you are talking about is even tackled in the first chapter. (I don't get royalties! My SO and I just found it really helpful as a tool in working through the emotional affair he had).

You can't remain friends with a man for whom you have already developed some sort of inappropriate feelings, without damaging the rapport you have with your husband. Your focus is divided and eventually it will negative effects. There is a plethora of experience in this group. I hope some of it is helpful to you.

You are already in an "emotional affair". You have already crossed the line. What you feel for your friend is not love-it is infatuation and will be just as damaging to your marriage is discovered. You are only seeing the best parts of each other and it's not fair to your H to compare the two relationships. Read "Not Just Friends" before you throw in the towel on your marriage. Bottom line is-you at least owe it to your H to sever your vow to him BEFORE becoming any further involved with another man. Just be sure that is truly what you want. Remember, the grass looks greener, but only because you have stopped tending to the grass on your side of the fence!

You are having an emotional affair. It seems really awesome to you. You are about to mess up your whole life with a bunch of Bridges of Madison County stupidity. THINK, His feet stink and he is just as big of a stinky widbag as your husband. If you want more out of your marriage, you should give more. You shouldn't assume that because you spend 8 hours a day with a coworker you are attracted to that you are " in love" with that person. Maybe you should grow up and go home where you belong. If you ever loved your husband, you should love him or let him go before trying to have another relationship with someone you are infatuated with. You think the advice we are giving sounds bitter? Wait until you see your husband's face wen he finds out. Wait and see what it looks like when you rip someone's heart out and stomp on it in front of them. You two kids (coworker) need to grow up, quit the flirting and go home. If you want better self esteem and need a boost from a horny guy at work, get a counselor. IT IS NEVER OK TO START A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHEN YOU ARE IN ONE - YOU ARE MESSING UP.

From Cheatersuck:
These are your options:
1. Talk to your husband..reconnect...tell him how you are feeling no matter how hurtful it is.If you can afford it do it in counseling.
2. If you try and he's not responsive, divorce him.
Only then should you pursue anyone else and it shouldn't be this man while he is married. If you truth love him as you say you will show some respect for his family and stay away until he is free....otherwise it is selfish...selfishness and love have very little to do with love.
Good luck and we all hope you'll stop yourself before you destroy a whole bunch of lives.

I agree with everyone here, and will add that this is where the term "work husband" PISSES me off! There is no "work spouse". It is called an inapproprate friendship at the beginning stages. It is later called an affair!
I am not being harsh or mean to you in particular Isabella, I am just saddened when I hear of situations where collegues cross the line.

Google "cliche affairs" and "co-worker affair" will come up first. Such a cliche'.

Think about it - you only see these people at their best - shiny suits, showered, putting on their best business behavior. Of course it's attractive - you never see them sick, or shaving, or battling a challenging emotional time. It's a fantasy.

Play the movie forward a year or two. Look into the eyes of children who now go between houses and split holidays, because mommy (my ex) found her soul mate in the next cubicle. Yeah, right.

Please stay away from this man. The old and familiar can almost NEVER compete with the shiny and new - it takes great maturity to recognize the fantasy. I think you can do it.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAY BLINDSIDE.....!

re: "Just to be clear I have no intentions of having any kind of "physical" interaction with my co-worker"

Neither did my spouse.

Alas, these things take on a momentum of their own (as you're now experiencing) so whatever intentions we have won't protect us.

Good luck. You will encounter some bitterness on this board but a lot of hard-won wisdom, too. I hope you find it helpful.

I think I have to agree with Juliet here...no one, or VERY FEW, set out to have affairs. BUT they do get caught up in something that takes on a life of it's own.

Do you love him? In my view, and it's only my view, No. You may have a crush on the guy. You may have some attraction. Maybe even a bit of infatuation. But true love?

Nahhhhh.

A crush is not worth ruining your life over, or hurting your spouse, or kids, if you have them, or your reputation for the rest of your life.

If you really do believe that you have too many feelings for this guy? Put some distance there. That's alls I gots.

L~