Look at your marriage and find out why you are unhappy and what made you start an intimate friendship with another man.
Maybe it is time to make some changes.
Good luck!

"When we're both off, I miss him"

What if only one of you were off, wouldn't you still miss him?

"Long story short, he was sent to the hospital today for a catscan. It was like a lightning bolt to my chest. I don't know how he is, I don't know what's wrong, and I can't call him to find out because I'm not his wife. I'm worried sick"

Lightning bolt is a bit dramatic for a fairly routine test procedure. How would you do in a real emergency????

"I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have him in my life."

UMMMM, I think you would do just fine.

"That's love"

No, it's not love. It doesn't sounds even remotely like love. It sounds like an unhealthy CRUSH from inappropriate boundaries.

You love this "friend" and you love your husband. What is love to you? I think you may be confusing the term love with lust.

Somebody send her a copy of "Not Just Friends" STAT!!!!!

It sounds like you have quite a bit to figure out.

I just ask you that you try to figure things out BEFORE this turns into an affair. Neither your husband nor his wife deserve to be the "fallback option"....I've been there. It is soul crushing.

That being said, I think folks here have posted some good questions for you to start to think about:
- What's missing in your marriage that makes this friendship so fulfulling?
- What if you two did get together? What do you think would happen?
- What does Love really mean to you? (it's not a judgement...but it seems like folks have different definitions)
- What are YOU feeling/missing/wanting that you believe this man can provide?
- And finally....do you "love" him enough to justify the pain and hurt of the two others (assuming there are no kids) affected by this?

Have a good think before you act.

And by the way....my lawyer's answer to the first sentence in your post is...sever the first relationship, make sure the other partner also has no encumbrances,,,,then act.

Think about the things that are important to you. More than likely if you really do love this co worker, it is for totally different reasons than you love your husband. Figure out what things those are for why you love your husband and your coworker. Some of those things you may be able to work on in your marriage.
But please also talk to your husband. Communication, no matter how confused you are, is key.

Did you ever feel this way about your husband (like when you first met him?)
Pay attention to the STAGES OF RELATIONSHIPS!
The Enchantment Stage (or Romantic Phase): Your brain is secreting endorphins that make you feel happy, alive, positive and having a "lightning bolt to the chest". You will have alot of laughter, sexual energy and playfulness. Similarites become a priority and you lessen differences or disagreements.
THIS PHASE WILL NOT LAST! THIS PHASE WILL NOT LAST! REPEAT: THIS PHASE WILL NOT LAST! Just incase you were not clear on this point, THIS PHASE WILL NOT LAST!

You will move on to the "power struggle stage" and then "unconditional acceptance". Most relationships never make it past the power struggle phase. You ultimately may wind up in the same position you are in with your husband should you pursue a relationship with your office friend. Right now he only gets the romance with you. He doens't have to live with you and "put up with your baggage!" How about bills, children, real problems, inlaws.....
END IT NOW! Repeat: END IT NOW! Get help for what is missing with your marriage and fix it! DO IT NOW!

Fantastic post WorkingItOut2010!

I would like to point out (without judgment) that this is ALREADY an emotional affair. Even if it is unrequited, the feelings are felt and the lines have already been crossed. This IS damaging. The book "Not Just Friends" goes into this in depth. It's a worthy read.

Also, I would rephrase the question that several here have asked about what is missing in your marriage, and ask yourself what is "missing" within you.

Best wishes.

Yup.... what they said... if you talk to your friend about your relationship with your husband, you have crossed a line. Talk to your husband. As painful as this will be for him it will be less painful than after you start an A. Good for you for reaching out now before it goes too far.

Just read the pain here and you will see what consequences your actions could have. And realize that your relationship with your friend is free from the stressors you have to face with your H. You don't have children together or bills or each others family. How good would it be with all of these factored in? And throw in a divorce and ex husband. And the guilt you would have for breaking up both families. Sounds like fun...

Hear! Hear!....spot on Workingitout and mecab!

Kudos to you for posting this here before you turn this into a PA. You have already started building walls around your spouse and you are letting your soon to be affair partner in the window.
You are also in a fog. ...a pretty dense one at that

These are your options:
1. Talk to your husband..reconnect...tell him how you are feeling no matter how hurtful it is.If you can afford it do it in counseling.
2. If you try and he's not responsive, divorce him.
Only then should you pursue anyone else and it shouldn't be this man while he is married. If you truth love him as you say you will show some respect for his family and stay away until he is free....otherwise it is selfish...selfishness and love have very little to do with love.
Good luck and we all hope you'll stop yourself before you destroy a whole bunch of lives.

workingitout said it perfectly. This phase will not last!!!!!

I appreciate the advice from everyone ( even the advice that seemed a bit judgmental and bitter)...Just to be clear I have no intentions of having any kind of "physical" interaction with my co-worker. Whether it is or isn't love, I think several of you are right that I need to talk with my husband. I don't want to hurt anyone, likewise; I don't want to be so naive as to become a believer of "the grass must be greener on the othe side." I do know that I care deeply for my co-worker, and just a friend or not, maybe that in its own could be the most fulfilling.

"the grass must be greener on the othe side."

Only if that's the only grass you are fertilizing...

Just sayin'...

L~