Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
For those of you who haven't followed my story, I just left my husband last weekend because I found explicit text messages to a girl he met in college saying how he wishes I would "just sign divorce papers and let him go". We've been married 6 years, together 8, and it's been blissful up until this point. My H went back to school this year and got a new job working in a nightclub. We are both 25 years old, and many of his new friends are much younger and enjoy partying and drinking all the time, and it's really changed who he is in the past couple months.
Splitting up is not something I wanted to do, but I had to do it. I was so hurt and betrayed, and he had been emotionally cheating on me for a couple months. He even kissed another girl at a party, and he tried to tell me that she came on to him, but when I didn't believe it, he confessed that he kissed her twice and that he regretted it. Now this. I thought things had been so good between us lately. Just the day before I found the text messages, he said he wanted an honest relationship with me, and that he couldn't see his life without me.
I moved down the street to my neighbour's house temporarily because my new place won't be ready until the end of the month. Last night, a car was parked in front of my house for the whole night, and I'm sure he probably spent the night with someone. It's extra hard because I'm just a few houses away. Did he do this for attention? He knows I still love him and that I wish we could work on things, but when I found the text and confronted him, he shut down and got very angry and defensive, so I think he'd do almost anything right now to get back at me. I want to remain calm. I do not want to text or call him to complain. I do not want to break down anymore crying, or feel sorry for myself. I'm giving him space to see if he's the man I think he is, the same guy that chased me for so many years and loved me more than anything.
How can someone change so fundamentally in a matter of months? I want to push the thought of him spending the night with another girl in our bed out of my head, but it's really distressing. I know that car may have been a guy friend of his, and maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but he's been acting so different that it really wouldn't surprise me. I know he's been fantasizing about the single life for a while. I need some advice. I'm trying to block it out, to focus on my own life, and not to think about what he may be doing. I know I will drive myself crazy thinking about that. If he is sleeping with other girls, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to forgive him.
C
Splitting up is not something I wanted to do, but I had to do it. I was so hurt and betrayed, and he had been emotionally cheating on me for a couple months. He even kissed another girl at a party, and he tried to tell me that she came on to him, but when I didn't believe it, he confessed that he kissed her twice and that he regretted it. Now this. I thought things had been so good between us lately. Just the day before I found the text messages, he said he wanted an honest relationship with me, and that he couldn't see his life without me.
I moved down the street to my neighbour's house temporarily because my new place won't be ready until the end of the month. Last night, a car was parked in front of my house for the whole night, and I'm sure he probably spent the night with someone. It's extra hard because I'm just a few houses away. Did he do this for attention? He knows I still love him and that I wish we could work on things, but when I found the text and confronted him, he shut down and got very angry and defensive, so I think he'd do almost anything right now to get back at me. I want to remain calm. I do not want to text or call him to complain. I do not want to break down anymore crying, or feel sorry for myself. I'm giving him space to see if he's the man I think he is, the same guy that chased me for so many years and loved me more than anything.
How can someone change so fundamentally in a matter of months? I want to push the thought of him spending the night with another girl in our bed out of my head, but it's really distressing. I know that car may have been a guy friend of his, and maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but he's been acting so different that it really wouldn't surprise me. I know he's been fantasizing about the single life for a while. I need some advice. I'm trying to block it out, to focus on my own life, and not to think about what he may be doing. I know I will drive myself crazy thinking about that. If he is sleeping with other girls, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to forgive him.
C
But I am so much older then you, I stay because I love him, my home too. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. I would say just work on you! forget him, and move on, find someone that you can trust and will be true to you... Way to young to put up with crap... I am sorry this is just my 2 cents...
I was very surprised to read that he wished I would just sign divorce papers. The day before I found that text, he told me that he loved me, wanted an honest relationship with me, and that he could not see his life without me in it. I appreciate the advice, especially coming from anyone older because I'm 25, and I know I don't know everything, but I've been in a committed relationship for 8 years (married 6), and up until now, things were so great. He was going to finish school next year, and we had so many plans. How could he live such a double life? I think he may have just said the divorce thing to get attention from the other woman. He also told her that our relationship was over, and then he texted one of his friends that he wishes he could "take a girl and go somewhere".
We have no children, thankfully in my case. That would have made this way more difficult.
I feel like he lied to me, but he also lied to his friends and the other woman. He hasn't told the truth about anything, because I think he's confused. He didn't want to leave me, especially since I paid for most things, and he loves me (he claims), but clearly he is fantasizing about a single life.
C
I would like to work on our marriage. I gave him a note before I left that said I still love him, I missed him, and I'm hurt, and that if he feels the same way I do, we should talk. But if he repays me by sleeping with someone the next day...I don't know if I can forgive that. I can't prove it was another woman. I'm just bracing myself for the worst, because I don't want to be horribly surprised anymore to find out the things he's doing. It will be easier when I don't live so close. He's my best friend, but suddenly he's treating me like his worst enemy. I think he's still shocked I found those texts. His phone was password protected, and I just happened to guess the password. You can imagine the look on his face.
I'd like to work through the emotional cheating, because there is a root cause that runs deeper. He's told me he isn't happy with himself. He's going through a lot of changes. I don't know if he meant to lose me. But he was craving excitement, and he did something terrible. I couldn't stay and pretend I was okay with that. But if he is now sleeping with someone...I don't know how to forgive that.
C
I am still in shock he could live such a lie. How could he lie to me like that. I could never live with myself for hurting him this way. He was never honest with me, or upfront about anything. I had to dig for the truth, and that says a lot. I realize it might be over forever between us. It's so early to tell.
I wish I knew for sure whether he would someday realize the mistake he made.
C
Sorry you're going through this :(