Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I've been reading a lot and hearing a lot about emotional affairs and I'm concerned. I've had a friend for several years who is a guy. I worked with both him and his girlfriend for 2-3 years. The two of them had mutual friends with me, adn we were all social. We would commute to work together on the train, and just chitchat about this and that. I'd go out to dinner with the two of them after work - my husband ALWAYS knew and he was always invited. He was just usually on his way out of town. My husband used to leave me alone all the time so he could go out of town to bike/ski/whatever. We had an infant at that time that I stayed home to care for. My son would come with us to dinner.
The 3 of us used to joke around a lot, both in person, and via email.
Then his girlfriend got fired, and they later broke up. My friend took this really hard, and looked to me for guidance. I gave him emotional support and tried to help him deal with his grief about this girl breaking up with him, making him move out, and within a week of his moving out had another guy move in. I thought (and still think to this day) that I was being a nice supportive friend to one who didn't have many friends. He'd email me a lot of the time about how he just wanted to die and how his life was terrible and that he was never meant to be happy. I did all I could to cheer him up, until I got to a point where I realized that maybe he was looking to me for his happiness. I started getting "weirded out" by this and started distancing myself from him. Well, he kept talking to me, then he could tell that I was "down in the dumps" and implored me to talk about it. He said that I was so kind and always there for him, and he'd thought of me as a good friend and would return the favor. I bit, and told him that my H was often very mean to me. My H had found some emails back and forth from him - they said nothing inappropriate. I could paste an example of a recent chain just to prove. He just didn't like the idea of me talking to some "dude" that he didn't know. (Um, yes he did know him and had hung out with him before). So, he forbade me to continue emailing with him through my personal account. All was well until my department had a "re-org" and I was moved RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. So, of course we started chatting. Then, I started getting the feeling that he was attracted to me. I struggled with this for a while, then I asked my manager to move me. This turned into an HR issue, that I would have rather avoided. In this, I also emailed him and told him taht I was concerned that he had feelings for me, and it wasn't appropriate, because he knew I was married and I didn't want to do anything to jeapordize my relationship with my husband.
All went well for a while, I moved, he didn't talk to me, etc. But, thing is, we still have to work together b/c we're on the same team (for now - I'm about to transfer to another unrelated department on another floor so it will be very easy not to have contact). So we still talk and email, but I still believe that it's not an EA. I encourage him to go out and meet girls, get a social life, and date. I am not in the least attracted to him in a physical way. I do appreciate that he makes me laugh and is fun to talk to but that's it!
I also told my H that I was having my desk moved b/c I was afraid that he had feelings for me. My H accused me of all this terrible stuff - months later, when he was having the PA. He told me to share every detail, which I did. He still didn't think I was telling him everything and said "you can have your boyfriend". Later, after the dust settled of me finding out about his A, he agreed that he was so angry about this thing with "dude" because he knew what he was doing with OW. He also confirmed that he trusted and believe me when I told him the details.
So, sorry for the marathon post, but was this an EA? A friendship that turned inappropriate? How can I fix it?
The 3 of us used to joke around a lot, both in person, and via email.
Then his girlfriend got fired, and they later broke up. My friend took this really hard, and looked to me for guidance. I gave him emotional support and tried to help him deal with his grief about this girl breaking up with him, making him move out, and within a week of his moving out had another guy move in. I thought (and still think to this day) that I was being a nice supportive friend to one who didn't have many friends. He'd email me a lot of the time about how he just wanted to die and how his life was terrible and that he was never meant to be happy. I did all I could to cheer him up, until I got to a point where I realized that maybe he was looking to me for his happiness. I started getting "weirded out" by this and started distancing myself from him. Well, he kept talking to me, then he could tell that I was "down in the dumps" and implored me to talk about it. He said that I was so kind and always there for him, and he'd thought of me as a good friend and would return the favor. I bit, and told him that my H was often very mean to me. My H had found some emails back and forth from him - they said nothing inappropriate. I could paste an example of a recent chain just to prove. He just didn't like the idea of me talking to some "dude" that he didn't know. (Um, yes he did know him and had hung out with him before). So, he forbade me to continue emailing with him through my personal account. All was well until my department had a "re-org" and I was moved RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. So, of course we started chatting. Then, I started getting the feeling that he was attracted to me. I struggled with this for a while, then I asked my manager to move me. This turned into an HR issue, that I would have rather avoided. In this, I also emailed him and told him taht I was concerned that he had feelings for me, and it wasn't appropriate, because he knew I was married and I didn't want to do anything to jeapordize my relationship with my husband.
All went well for a while, I moved, he didn't talk to me, etc. But, thing is, we still have to work together b/c we're on the same team (for now - I'm about to transfer to another unrelated department on another floor so it will be very easy not to have contact). So we still talk and email, but I still believe that it's not an EA. I encourage him to go out and meet girls, get a social life, and date. I am not in the least attracted to him in a physical way. I do appreciate that he makes me laugh and is fun to talk to but that's it!
I also told my H that I was having my desk moved b/c I was afraid that he had feelings for me. My H accused me of all this terrible stuff - months later, when he was having the PA. He told me to share every detail, which I did. He still didn't think I was telling him everything and said "you can have your boyfriend". Later, after the dust settled of me finding out about his A, he agreed that he was so angry about this thing with "dude" because he knew what he was doing with OW. He also confirmed that he trusted and believe me when I told him the details.
So, sorry for the marathon post, but was this an EA? A friendship that turned inappropriate? How can I fix it?
I too get the impression that you did nothing wrong. I am not sure that "forbidding" you to email is a good sign of his trust to you. Hmmm, brings up the alarm in me when that stuff happens. Does he easily get jealous? I find that when people get jealous (for no real reason) it is a character flaw of theirs. The people I have known to be jealous are CONTROLLING and hate being wrong. They will even lie to themselves. Sorry, I don't mean to put your husband down; we do all have flaws.
Now as to the person you are working with, if he would want more, that would be a reason for putting on the brakes. I am finding that there is an ACIDTEST for friendships. The question I ask myself is this: Do they want what is best for me? or do they want what is the best for them? If they want the best for you, then they would not put you in any difficult situations EVER. If they want the best for them, then they may wait for a moment of your weakness and then make a move, which would put you in a difficult situation. Love is selfless. And a loving friendship (which is indeed possible between friends even of opposite sex and married) too is selfless. That for me is the most important question SELFLESS or SELFISH. A friend is strong when you are weak and would never take advantage of you.
And, you're not stuck. You're just frozen.