I don't understand your question.
This is your decision, not ours.

I always wonder if "sexual addiction" really exists or is just an excuse to cheat. I am leaning towards its existence. Your H sounds like he has a compulsion that stems from deeply rooted insecurities. He seems to need the validation of conquest. It doesn't seem that he has any feelings for these women; he just wants the feelings that he gets from the conquest. Unfortunately, he's MARRIED! He's putting you at risk with his addiction.

I say to you what I would say to someone married to a drug addict or an alcoholic. I know you love him and I'm sure he loves you in the only way he knows how, but, right now, he seems to love himself and his addiction more. You can't save him or make him stop. He has to want to, but you can't wait around and continue to put yourself at risk until he decides to get help.

I understand the finacial piece and I'm so sorry about that. Perhaps you should start living separate lives. Sleep in different bedrooms and get your life together so that you can be financially independent of him. Serial cheaters like your H are a whole different ballgame. I hope you find the strength to do what you must do. Sending you support. By the way, I am so sorry about the loss of your son. I'll pray for your peace. God bless.

I would ask him to get help. If it truly is a compulsion, but he still wants to be with you, he should seek counseling or some form of professional help for this problem. It is not fair to you. I believe that on some level, if he really wanted to, he could help himself. But maybe I'm wrong. It is, however, his responsibility to do something about it

I just don't buy into the "I just can't help it" I think he can. Counseling is a good start.

For you however....Znz had some good advice. Try moving into another room.
Give yourself time to decide how you want to precede. But you have to do this for yourself.
Try counseling for you. I hate to be the downer,but being honest with you? After so many years of him cheating, the odds of him stopping aren't good. Just saying...that's not written in stone though.
So you may have to decide what you can and can't live with.
But its all just one step at a time and what you can handle.
Start with that room. :) FOR YOU
Hugs
SW

He just can't help himself, he's got some child hood issues, he's selfish...

..and when he gives you all of this, in the past, I am sure it all made you feel kinda sorry for him. Am I right?

He's smart. I have to give him that. Because he's smart enough to know that you can't hold someone accountable when you have pity for them. When you feel sorry for them. So, he played on your 'pity bone.'

Nicely played, buddy.

It's not working anymore, is it? For you, bunny, it's not.

He says he can't help himself, but I don't agree with that either. Not for a stinking minute. Because he controls himself well enough to hide it from you, he controls it well enough when it all comes out. When you find out about it, his level of self restraint is amazing.

So, he's choosing not to use his self restraint.

See my point?

This is where I would say, when he is laying on the 'oh, I am so selfish and I can't help it and I have child hood issues...' I would respond with...

...'well Grow the hell up already. There is no 'honor your wife' in this for me anymore. There is no 'keeping yourself to me' in your effing attitude.'

I don't feel sorry for him one stinking bit.

Z has a good suggestion. Move into your own room.

Me? This clown would never touch me again in my damned life.

...and I mean Never.

L~

I agree with Znz. Though the financial aspect can be overwhelming, if you really want to find peace in YOUR life you need to separate yourself from him. I think until you actually make a stand for yourself and show him you will not tolerate this anymore he is going to continue cheating; further he will continue feeding you the excuses as you have proven that you will keep accepting them. Take care of yourself.

I think you're stronger than you think and you DESERVE to live the rest of your days with someone who truly loves you and respects you. If this is what he continues to offer, lies, excuses, and repeat behavior, then you don't need it.

You've obviously stuck by his side for such a long time and persevered despite it all, BUT if you're now at a point where you don't like him and you'd prefer to have him NOT in the house anymore, than you need to do something about it.

Let me ask you... Do you think it could ever turn around at this point? Do you think if he were to be on his best behavior and be as transparent as any cheater could ever be, do you think you could love him, respect him, and trust him the same in one year's time from now? Or five? Or even ten? That, in my opinion, is a very telling question you need to answer for yourself. If you've grown to not love him, then you should not be punished to have to stay with him. Go find whatever happiness you can and get the most out of it all while you can.

And I'm very, very sorry for your loss. I'm very upset at hearing this and I don't even know you. I can't imagine the pain.

Best to you and I hope a ray of light brings forth all the answers you seek.

-TheRule

You're living with a serial cheater. I guess you need to decide if this is as good as it gets. How many times do you have to give the gift of reconciliation to this selfish piece of crap? And then he turns and throws it in your face but again.

He can't help himself? Truth is he doesn't respect you and he doesn't want to help himself. You have allowed this bad behavior to continue through out your married life.

Let me tell you-YOU deserve someone who will love and respect you. Someone who makes you the priority not the option.

You have to decide if you are up to giving another 5, 10, 15 years to this morally bankrupt, selfish, poor excuse for a man and husband or not. Personally, I'd be getting my ducks in a row and plan for a future without all the bs.

Sending you support!